this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2024
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Everyone keeps telling me "you'll understand when you've got one"
I'm thinking that's a pretty irresponsible gamble
I have one. It’s a fucking lie.
I have (had- grew up) 3. They are cute - its a natural defense mechanism so we don't throw them in the bin when they are up at 3am for the 22nd night in a row.
Yeah, it's true.
Honestly, I didn't even like mine, to begin with. But they grew on me. The hormones had me tolerating all the craziness that small creature put me through.
Love 'em to bits now that they've grown past that stage!
thanks for sharing this, it’s really encouraging to know that I don’t have to feel the connection immediately
You absolutely don't have to! Parenthood is not always an instant connection. I loved my child, sure, but they were more like a needy roommate to start off. I developed the bond as we went. It eventually clicked after some months.
And remember: you always love your child– but it's okay to have times where you just sometimes don't like them. Especially good to remember during the toddler stage!
Rip
Sounds a bit like Stockholm Syndrome.
it kind of is, but its instinctual. you suddenly see your own childhood reflected from a new parental perspective, and you suddenly understand countless things you never did. you see yourself as part of a chain of parent/child stretching back a billion years.. you see unspeakable purpose in protecting and nurturing and loving and raising this floppy lump of screaming snot into a future lovable thing. they look like you, with the most innocent eyes, and they can not quite hold up their own head.
Or... that's the result of hormonal changes and the brain creating an excuse for the cognitive dissonance that results. It's an evolutionary trait to further propagation of the species, nothing more. Your mind tricking you into liking something because you created it. The human mind creates fantasies all the damned time typo cope with situations.
In a different context. Your abuser isn't that bad, they provide for you, give you a place to stay, and clearly care for you, just in their own way. Clearly they actually love you and you need to return those feelings to show your appreciation. The physical abuse is only a small punishment when you misbehave, you deserved it.
As someone who has a child and is also a survivor of abuse: it's in very poor taste to compare babies to abusers.
You seem to be under the impression that your opinion of a random meme and joke response comment on the internet is something we should care about. We don't know each other, this isn't Facebook, there's no reason to fake being nice on a site like this. I'll probably never see you again, your judgement of a random comment means very little to me. My original comment wasn't meant as any more than a bullshit joke comment, but since you want to make it more...
I never compared babies to abusers. I compared Stockholm Syndrome to the evolutionary mental and hormonal responses parents have for their progeny. They're both unconscious mental responses brought on by an external stimulus. An inconvenient comparison of course, but simple.
Back to the actual topic of the post... I don't think anyone's baby is cute, including yours, they're all ugly bloated sacks of skin. And no the baby's disproportionate features don't actually look like either parent at that age. You want it to be true and your mind is giving you what you want.
Yeah, babies are ugly. Don't think I've ever seen a baby I would consider "cute". Grody little misshapen potato humans.
Yeah... I see where you're coming from, but... Just no. I'm a caregiver for my mother, and it's very similar to what others are talking about. Being responsible for someone you love can be a wonderful thing. If you don't want kids, don't have them, if you're not close to your parents, don't agree to be their caregiver. But that sort of familial love, knowing that you are doing what you can to make life as good as possible for another human is an amazing feeling, even when it's frustrating. Even if there are massive hormonal changes in parents when they have kids, which there are, it doesn't negate anything about the love they feel for their children. Babies are not manipulating you. Hormones help us form those bonds, but the bonds are real nonetheless.
I'll never understand since I don't want kids.
Based
I think it's something genetical. Your own baby could be the most ugly of all, but you think it's the cutest.
Genetical in the sense that you are programmed to behave like that, not in the sense it has to be yours to prompt said response. Paternity fraud is no joke.