Ask Lemmy

26664 readers

1536 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have fun

Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'

This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spam

Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reason

Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected]. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.

It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

305

Daughters and Fathers (lemm.ee)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

84 comments fedilink hide all child comments

This is a serious question, mostly addressed to the adult women among us but also to anyone else who has a stake in the matter.

What did your father do for you/not do for you, that you needed?

Context: I have recently become a father to a daughter, with a mother whose father was not around when she was growing up. I won't bore you all with the details but our daughter is here now and I am realising that I'm the only one in our little family who has really had a father before. But I have never been a girl. And I know that as a boy, my relationships with my mother and father were massively influential and powerful but at the same time radically different to each other. People say that daughters and fathers have a unique relationship too.

Question: What was your father to you? What matters the most when it comes to a father making his daughter loved, safe, confident and free? To live a good life as an adult?

I'd like this to be a mature, personal and real discussion about daughters and fathers, rather than a political thing, so I humbly ask to please speak from the heart and not the head on this one :)

Thank you

P.S Apologies if this question is badly written or conceived; I haven't been getting enough sleep! It is what it is!

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I had an excellent father. He wasn't perfect, but his imperfections and occasional impatience made him more human and relatable. Don't pretend to be perfect - let her know that everyone makes mistakes not just by saying it, but by showing them yours. Our world has become better for women to live in, but there still is a silent pressure on women to be flawless. Physically, emotionally, academically, professionally - we are not supposed to show weakness if we are to be taken seriously. Show her it's ok to be imperfect, this will be even more meaningful coming from a male role model.

And I'll echo what others have said - listen to her. Even if it's stupid ramblings about her favorite band or what a classmate did or any number of things you really do not care about. When she feels heard on the little things she will know she has a voice in the big things.

Lastly, be honest with her about the world not being fair. This was something my dad maybe could have done better. I was supported and told I can do anything a man can do, but I wish I would have known a little sooner what societal obstacles I was actually going to face. You don't have to make it sound ok or even acceptable, but all girls should know what they're up against so they can be prepared to face it head on.