Most people define demisexual as not feeling sexual attraction until you get to know someone better, after which that bond/intimacy allows you to start feeling sexual attraction.

But the ace community has a LOT of labels and everything I've seen is that we're pretty relaxed on them. Call yourself whatever makes sense to you; you're probably going to have to explain it anyway! lol

Demisexuality is under the asexuality umbrella, so it should seem relatable.

If you do experience sexual attraction towards those you are close to then that would be demi. If you want to have sex despite lack of sexual attraction, then that would be black-stripe ace.

The food analogy is the comparison I've seen people use to explain what sexual attraction is. Hunger is like libido and has little to nothing to do with sexual attraction. Sexual attraction would be like when someone brings out a fresh cake and you need to have a piece even if you just ate and are not hungry. I guess demi in this analogy would mean you wouldn't feel that way unless you already knew that specific dessert well. But if you just eat tasty desserts when you are bored, because you like the taste but don't have the mouthwatering reaction to it being presented, because the person who made it is important to you and you feel eating it's a way to bond with them, etc, you could still be a black-stripe ace.

That said, what counts as sexual attraction has confused me a lot despite spending a fair bit of time reading people trying to explain it.

Anyways, if demi is a functionally useful label, there no need to change. In-practice real-world usefulness of language is more important than weirdos on the Internet trying to be precise in the meanings of words.

I actually just saw this (app being screwy). To answer your question I also identify as demi. It's just that demi is a microlabel under the ace umbrella and allos usually don't know what demisexuality is so unless I'm in a specifically ace community I just identify as ace to keep things simple. Demi is also basically just "ace until proven otherwise" so the difference in nonexistent for anyone I'm not already in a relationship with.

There's also the fact that I'm still not sure if I really feel sexual attraction in the demi way or if I just crave intimacy with someone I am otherwise attracted to and sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. I'm strongly leaning towards the latter but it's a tricky distinction to make. I can want to have sex with someone but for me that desire doesn't feel much different from wanting to cuddle with them nonsexually. So when it comes to my actual behavior I fit the demi label better but when it comes to how I think then I actually fit the asexual label better.

I’m queer and fully agree

You ever feel hungry but you're not sure what to eat so you stare blankly into the fridge hoping something takes your fancy, but you're not really craving anything because you never really get cravings. But you are hungry, so you want to eat something, so you have a choice, you can grab a protein shake because it's quick, easy, and a pragmatic solution, but that gets boring when that's always your "go to" when you're hungry. Or you could order a decadent meal to enjoy, since you're not really craving anything so you might as well set yourself up for a pleasurable experience.

Now replace being hungry with being horny.

You're horny, but you don't have any attraction to any options, and you never have. You could go for the pragmatic approach with masturbation. Or you could find someone that you think is a great person in all the important (non sexual) ways, and have sex with them because sex with fun people is fun, even if there's nothing about that person (or any person) who flicks the sexual attraction switch.

Basically.

There are grey-aces (whom are still aces; black-stripe ace sometimes is used to refer to those with no sexual attraction) whom experience some sexual attraction some of the time.

But there's a lot of aces who are surprised to realize sexual attraction is something people actually experience.

Sexualities generally refer to sexual attraction. Homosexuals are sexually attracted to people have the same gender, not to repeating the same sex acts over and over and heterosexuality is about attraction to people with different genders, not to novelty sex acts. Pansexual does not mean attraction to pans not to literally everyone or everything. Taking the words too literally is not really useful.

The differentiation of the ace/allo axis and the sex-favorable/sex-repulsed axis is particularly useful for aces, but it still has its use for allos as well (some people who have PTSD related to sexual activity may be sex repulsed, but can still experience sexual attraction). Lots of reasons to engage in and enjoy sex other than attraction to a specific person. Even allos often engage in sex with those whom they aren't attracted to.

The major ace subreddits regularly had issues with sex-favorable people complaining about all the posts being sex-negative and sex-repulsed people (sometime simultaneously) complaining about too much sex-positive content. Would be more amusing if those types of posts didn't waste so much space...

10000%

I love getting beat by confident women (presenting people), and never expect anything more than that. Being somewhat demi helps a lot with that aspect, but it's just basic respect for an ephemeral play partner in my mind.