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How do I write stuff at times other than 3am
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this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2024
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I have a doctor who is willing to prescribe me things, so there is that. Also my wife says I tried gabapentin already (for nerve pain) and it sucked lmao.
Anyways how dare you curse me with this knowledge that I could be cool if anxiety was not ruining my life 24/7! The absolute nerve!
Lol, knowledge really is a curse.
I guess if it's any consolation, I don't see it as a matter of "you would be cool if it weren't for the anxiety" but more like "you are cool and you also have anxiety that causes you trouble".
My brain frames it like, "look how fucking cool you are at 3am. You have such ideas and power and freedom. But your dumb ass is flattened every day by being SCARED, why are you SCARED small bean???" which yknow...
So your brain is making you scared of being scared? Mine does that sometimes lol. Whenever I figure out how to diffuse one level of anxiety, just bring it up one level of meta and keep the anxiety flowing.
No I'm furious about it. Brain cool only at night, garbage all other times.
This is coming from someone who spends a lot of time screaming internally at their own experience of anxiety, so it's something that comes with very sincere solidarity and an acute awareness of my own hypocrisy in saying this but...
I wonder if there's might be a different way of relating to your experience of anxiety, and I wonder if you chose to extend some hospitality towards it what this anxiety would might tell you?
(e.g. I know oftentimes I feel anxious because something is important to me and that my anxiety is telling me that it's important, sometimes my anxiety is telling me I need reassurance or validation, sometimes it tells me that I have an unadressed need to feel more secure, and so on...)