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Today I Fucked Up
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This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/A_fresh_outlook on 2024-11-01 13:57:32+00:00.
This obviously happened yesterday.
We work at a middle school in one of the Nordic countries where there isn't really a dress code. Both teachers and pupils wear pretty much whatever they want. Yesterday as it was Halloween a few pupils had some Halloween style accessories or tops on.
One of my colleagues had on a sweater that I had never noticed him wear before. It was a fleece-plaid monstrosity with a weird looking animal on the front. I sat down with him and asked him about his Halloween costume and he looked at me strangely and said it was just his sweater. I laughed a bit awkwardly and apologized before we just changed the subject and moved on.
I think we are still friends although I'll be careful not to mention anything about his questionable fashion choices again.
TL;DR: Not all bad outfits are costumes, even on Halloween.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/stop_lewking_at_me on 2024-11-01 03:25:41+00:00.
TIFU Sooooo I bought a log cabin on 10 acres in Texas. I had been looking and looking and constantly scrolling Zillow. I was getting ready to give up. It sold for half the price of a townhouse in the nearby city where I work.
I can't believe it happened. It's literally my dream house and I never thought it would be possible. I am officially the out of town person who buys the obviously haunted house and can't believe what a deal it was.
The last owner committed suicide. The realtor says not at the house, but still, not ideal. This is manageable. I can fill the house with life and love and happiness.
The real big kicker is that after I had an accepted offer, I did the ol' sex offender search. The neighbor directly across the street broke into a house, tied up the boyfriend, robbed the place, and sexually assaulted a 17 year old woman. He did his time and is out of jail. This happened in 2007. Maybe he's rehabilitated? He's rehabilitated, right? This thing is in the middle of nowhere and the one neighbor is this guy. Other than that there is no one around which is what I wanted. He's definitely rehabilitated.
TLDR: I bought a house in the middle of nowhere and the ONE neighbor is a rapist.
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TIFU by recovering a 11 year old account and instantly regretting not listening to my OCD in 2013...
(old.reddit.com)
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NecessaryAvocado4449 on 2024-10-31 23:56:11+00:00.
A long time ago (2013), in a reddit account that is far far away (deleted) I had a brief moment of reddit fame. An IAMA post that skyrocketed to the top, with tens of thousands of karma and posts and questions. I was briefly internet famous.
As I scoured through my thousands of comments, and odd one appeared. A person had given me a gift of something I had heard of, but never even crossed my mind to care about. But I thought, what the hell. I'll accept it. It was nice of him to spend a few bucks on me.
I clicked the link and created the account to recieve the gift.
The gift was just 1% of the full item. Only worth a few bucks. As I looked at my account, I very clearly remeber my OCD telling me to buy the other 99% just so it would be a whole number. It would have been like, 90ish bucks. I had 90 bucks. But....nah....that's game money.
Logged out of that account right after i created it and didn't think about it again for another 11 years. Figured the account was long gone.
A few days ago I looked in my spam folders and saw a legitimate message emails from that account still were getting sent to me. I thought they were spam before, but close review everything looked legit.
Could the account possibly still exsist?
A few days of frustrating automated customer service, account recovery, and doing them same identity tify verififcation half a dozen times....
But finally...today....I won the fight and got the account back. The same accoumt I had not logged in to for 11 years.
Surely the gift was gone. Nope...it was still there. It is mine again.
That gift from a redditor in 2013 was 0.01 bitcoin. The account was coinbase. And it's still there.
Had I just listened to my OCD and spent that 80 bucks in 2013....it would be 70,000 and not 700....
Oh well. Whoever sent me that gift, than you for the 700 bucks 11 years later!!!
TLDR: Got a reddit gift in 2013 of 0.01 bitcoin for a AMA post. Almost spent 90ish bucks to get it to an even 1 for OCD reasons. Bought games instead.
I just recovered the account after 11 years...it's still there. The 700 would be 70,000 had I just listened to my OCD brain 11 years ago....
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Aware-Bee5907 on 2024-10-31 12:04:34+00:00.
Today is kinda bad. I got a job interview on Tuesday. A guy who interviewed me seemed eager to have me on the team. He mentioned a lot about workload, work environment, him wanted to expand the team and moved to other position within the company, or even wanted to take me to for a tour around the office. Then when he asked if I had any questions, I told him that it probably worked if he gave me the assignment to see if I’m a ‘good fit’. He seemed excited no one has ever asked him anything like that before. Then after I left the interview, he sent me an email with an assignment with the deadline on 5pm Wednesday .
I stayed up all night from 7pm to 4.30 am to do the assignment. At 1pm Wednesday the HR called to confirm that I received the email and asked about the progress. At 4.30pm I sent the assignment to him and he said he would give me a feedback today.
And today at 11am, he sent me an email confirming that the company would not proceed with my application. He confirmed it wasn’t about assignment he gave me in which he valued and appreciated.
I don’t know. I called it bullshit. If it wasn’t about the assignment then what would it be? And I just thought why wouldn’t I just scam the shit out of him at least for a month? Why did I just go an extra mile to prove my honesty and want the best for everyone? Why didn’t he just tell me that the work didn’t meet the criteria and he wished me the best of luck? Why just leave me in the limbo and leave me wondering what I did wrong ? Why ? Bullshit !
Anyway. I’ve got a new job interview coming up next week. Should I ask for the assignment again?
TL;DR : got a final round job interview on Tuesday and it seems like I got a job. Voluntarily asked for an assignment. Stayed up all night to do the assignment. Got a feedback from the employer that he will not proceed with my application today but he said it wasn’t about the assignment.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Canonconstructor on 2024-10-31 15:37:03+00:00.
This is a small TIFU, but a fu none the less.
I’m in a situationship with my on again off again boyfriend. This time around we decided to take things slow and be friends. As it turns out we are best friends and get along great.
Yesterday after work he came by to take care of me because I wasn’t feeling well. He made me dinner and we laid in bed watching tv. I finally started to feel better and asked if he wanted a back rub as a reward for doting on me the last few days. He enthusiastically agreed.
I just treated myself to new lotion from bath and body works so I grabbed the bottles and had him smell them to pick his favorite. It was dark, the only light was from the tv. I slathered him with the lotion thick because it smelled so good. Gave him an amazing back rub and we both fell asleep.
This morning at 6 am he woke up realizing he fell asleep at my place, and was late for work. Not wanting to wake me he got up and threw on clothes in the dark and left.
A side note is he is a foreman for a large tree company. He works with a bunch of dudes and they are all manly and will tease each other endlessly.
When I finally woke up, I was confused because it looked like my hands were covered in gold sparkly paint. I finally figured it out that for some reason the lotion had thick gold glitter in it.
I text him to alert him that he was covered in very noticeable glitter but I was too late, the boys have already noticed. It’s two hours into his work day and the teasing as only just began. He messaged me back that this probably makes us official as the crew will never let him live this down and I’ve officially marked my territory.
TLDR- gave my situationship a back rub in the dark not realizing the new lotion I used has lots of glitter in it, he woke up late, threw on clothes, and went to work covered in very noticeable gold glitter.
Edit: apparently glowtion = glitter lotion. I’m not mad it smells so good.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CatDadMilhouse on 2024-10-31 14:36:46+00:00.
tldr at the bottom. This happened about a decade ago, and something else I was just reading reminded me of it so I thought I'd share.
I had just moved into a new place about a week prior. I was renting a bedroom in a small house, and the only other person who lived there was the owner. It was a great setup for me, because his work schedule and social life meant I was often the only person home. As such, for the first time in years, my music-loving self could set up a decent pair of speakers and a subwoofer and listen to music at levels that would be pretty inconsiderate in a shared space, but not screamingly loud or anything. Well, the subwoofer itself was pretty much turned all the way up, but that's because it was much smaller than the other speakers, so that was how I got it to be at an appropriate match. This setup was in my bedroom, not a shared space.
One night, I was listening to music while lying in bed. It turned into one of those nights where I went from wired to tired pretty quickly, and so I just hit the remote for the stereo to turn it off before passing out. That doesn't turn the subwoofer off, but whatever, I'm not worried about the couple of pennies it'll cost to keep that thing running overnight.
I was worried, however, at about 2:00AM when I suddenly heard someone screaming in my bedroom. In my utterly discombobulated state, it took me a few seconds to realize that the screaming was coming through my subwoofer. I double checked, and my stereo was off.
As I relayed this to someone at work the next day, they asked where my new place was. When I told them, they started laughing. They said "when you go home tonight, take a look at the house next to yours. And take a look at their back yard."
I get home that night, and what do I find? Behind their modest ranch house is a 30' tall antenna mast that apparently everyone in town knew about except for me. Turns out the guy is an amateur radio hobbyist who loved playing with CB and ham radio equipment. And my crappy thrift-store subwoofer was picking up his transmissions because of the way things were wired.
tl;dr - left a subwoofer on overnight and was jarred awake by the sound of an amateur radio hobbyist next door screaming through the speaker
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/thewindows95nerd on 2024-10-31 11:09:19+00:00.
So it was night time and I had a short 1 hour flight for some errands. I arrived at the airport early too and mostly relaxed and crashed around the area especially after going through TSA. However, I did not get enough good sleep the night prior as I had so much work on my plate. Since I was off work, I mostly relaxed and used my laptop treating it as a nice evening/night to unwind as there was not much going on the week for me. Closer to the boarding time, I arrived at the gate and took a seat to wait to board for my flight. Now usually, I am good about waking up right just when my boarding group is called and so when the urge to nap came, I started napping being completely forgetful of the fact that I was already exhausted and that I am at a "quiet terminal". I then woke up at the airport to that my gate was empty and then checked the time to see that the time was 30 minutes past the departing time of my flight. Now, had this been an international flight, I probably would have been panicking but luckily it wasn't. I wasn't exactly going to go through the hassle of trying to get a flight rebooked with a gate agent for something that was my own fault so I had simply booked a last minute flight that was 8 hours later in the morning which was not that expensive and it was even with the same airline. I ended up continuing to sleep at the airport as a result internally facepalming myself over the extreme stupidity of what I had done and then woke up a bit earlier to prepare to board for my new flight this time and finally made it on my way. Surprisingly, my return flight was not cancelled for being a no-show for the original outbound flight and I was even able to board and go on my way back home on the original return flight (and funnily enough, I ended up just sleeping for most of the flight and woke up just in time for descent). But yeah, still was rather perplexed by my own stupidity and definitely will probably be putting various alarms right around boarding time in case I snooze off.
TL;DR: Overslept at my boarding gate and ended up missing the flight.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/olliegw on 2024-10-30 19:50:04+00:00.
I collect and wear pocket watches, i've worn lots but lately i've been wearing a 1914 Hamilton 992, a watch made for the railroads, it's long overdue a service so i decided to take it out of storage and give it a spin while trying to find someone who'll service it.
Because it's a railroad watch it has a safety dial (clearly marked hours and minutes) and watch dials back then were enamel, and this one was in good condition, i've also never managed to chip, scratch or crack one, both of those changed today.
You see, there's something else about this watch, concerning the case the movement is in, for those unfamilar with pocket watches, most have a back cover that hinges down or screws off just like any other watch.
Not this watch though, to probably make the time inspector happy and make sure none of that coal dust could get into the movement while stoking the boiler (or desert sand while driving the spikes i guess) it's in a swing out case.
To open a case like this, you first pull up the crown (which doesn't set this watch because railroads), unscrew the crystal (cover) off the front and pry up on a tab located at 6 o'clock, the whole movement will hinge up, kinda like one of those cars where the whole body has to come up to get to the engine.
There's a few cardinal rules about opening a case like this, never do it with the crown down, and never do it with either hand at six o'clock or you'll bend them if you slip.
Also do it with the right piece, a finger nail or a paper clip, never use something of a hard metal, i should imagine it was made to fit some american coin that i don't have.
This morning i was hinging it open to do a movement inspection, i like it to do it on my old watches from time to time to make sure there's no nasty surprises (i also picked it up last night and it made a funny feeling like a spring unwinding), parts hanging off or cracked jewels, i couldn't get a good grip on the tab though so i decided to use a random piece of metal i found on my desk.
I broke the main rule of mechanical sympathy, never force anything, and it was a hard metal, and it was too thick for the tab.
It slipped.
There is now the tiniest chip at 6 o'clock in the dial, a reminder to me that swing out cases suck and to get the watchmaker to replace it with a normal one with a screwback or something.
It's definitely a tiny triangle shaped chip though, i am so lucky it wasn't worse, no hands got bent, no cracks and it's so small it's in the bleed area of the dial so you can't see it with the crystal screwed on, there is a tiny line of paint missing from the number 6 but it was probably pre-existing.
Just worried that cracks could spread from it or something now.
TL;DR: I chipped the dial on my 110 year old pocket watch while trying to access the movement, luckily not as bad as it could have been
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Substantial-Path1258 on 2024-10-31 04:06:36+00:00.
As a kid I would sleep on the top bunk of the bed. My parents thought I was the smarter one and was worried that my younger brother would roll off. Because I was on the top bunk, I got to put up those cool glow in the dark stars, but I would also be able to touch the ceiling. Our house was built in the 1950s and it had a popcorn ceiling. I would pick at the ceiling and sometimes small pieces of the popcorn would come off. Because it's called popcorn, I would eat it. It didn't really taste like anything really. I think I have an oral fixation because I would also randomly chew and eat things like paper lollipop sticks. A friend made a joke about asbestos today and told me that it's been used to make popcorn ceilings. I knew that asbestos was used to make the snow in wizard of oz, but not ceilings??? I no longer live in that house and currently don't have a popcorn ceiling. But I can't remember really how much asbestos I consumed. It was just little bits here and there and I didn't create a noticeable mark on the ceiling. At least I thought it wasn't noticeable. Not sure what the long term affects are. I'm still alive and no cancer yet.
TL;DR: I was a dumb kid that ate asbestos
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cheap_Requirement_79 on 2024-10-31 03:02:09+00:00.
To preface this, I’ve always had issues with my nose being oily and dry at the same time causing flaky, oily skin and I have never been able to control or fix it.
Three days ago I decided I was sick of my nose being so flaky and decided to take an eyebrow razor to it. I figured it would get all of the dead skin off and make my nose nice and smooth and give it a little restart like dermaplaning. However, I know absolutely nothing about dermaplaning and didnt bother to look anything up before I did it.
After I made my nose nice and smooth, I noticed it was a little red but as soft as a baby’s bottom. Beauty is pain right?
Wrong.
Today my nose has returned the torture I gave it and provided me with oily, flaky skin again. But that’s not all. It is EXTREMELY bumpy and almost feels like a sunburn. I look like the bitch from Snow White right in time for Halloween.
TL;DR I took a razor to my nose and caused myself to look like a witch the day before Halloween.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ReadditMan on 2024-10-31 00:26:50+00:00.
So this isn't really a huge fuck up but kind of a funny/incredibly cringy story.
I recently moved into a new apartment and was having trouble with my washing machine so the maintenance man came over to take a look. I happened to have my work computer open and as he was leaving he saw I was working in an Adobe program; he asked what I do for a living and I told him I'm a graphic designer.
He immediately got very excited and asked if I could hold on while he went to grab his phone. My first thought was that he was going to ask if I could make something for him, which is something I'm used to, but instead he comes back and starts explaining that his daughter is currently going to school for graphic design. I said that's awesome and he asked if I could do him a favor and wait a moment while he called her, I said yes.
This is where things got messy. There was already a bit of a language barrier going on because he isn't fluent in English, so I wasn't really able to ask why he wanted to call her, but I assumed he was just oddly excited to tell her he had met another graphic designer.
Not the case...what he actually wanted was for me to speak with her.
Background info: I'm a recent college graduate myself and have only been in the field for a couple years. I'm also very socially awkward.
He calls her, says some things in Spanish that I assume was something along the lines of "I met someone who's a graphic designer", and then he proceeds to hand me the phone.
Thrown off guard, I reluctantly take it and on the other end is a very confused girl who sounded about the same age as me and was definitely fluent in English. We both had no idea what was happening, I don't know what her Father thought we were going to discuss but the exchange that followed was a series of awkward hellos and mumbled confusion as I tried to ask what he wanted me to say to her. He just kept gesturing and saying "Talk with her", but I wasn't prepared or comfortable talking about a job I'm new to myself, and it was obvious from her voice that she was also uncomfortable, so I just said I'm sorry and gave the phone back.
Her Father seemed to finally realize he had created a very uncomfortable situation, thanked me, and then left. I'm still cringing at how awkward I was.
TL;DR: I told my apartment maintenance man that I'm a graphic designer and he called his daughter expecting me to provide her with advice or something but I'm too socially awkward.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ClementineWhisper on 2024-10-30 22:32:42+00:00.
Recently, we had a big family gathering, and my mom, who still had a good relationship with my ex, decided to invite her without telling me. I only found out she was coming when she showed up… and, to everyone’s surprise, she came with her new boyfriend! I knew we’d moved on, but seeing them together in such a personal setting and in front of my whole family was awkward on a whole new level.
My parents tried to act as if everything was fine, but the rest of my family was visibly uncomfortable. The worst part was when my grandma, who doesn’t hold back, outright asked if the new boyfriend was “better” than me. My ex got flustered, her boyfriend looked uncomfortable, and I just wanted to disappear. After that incident, I felt embarrassed and even a bit upset with my family for not giving me a heads-up. This definitely wasn’t the gathering I had in mind.
TL;DR: TIFU by letting my family meet my ex without knowing she’d bring her new boyfriend
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Similar_Ganache8118 on 2024-10-30 07:18:13+00:00.
this friend of mine...we were really close 6 years ago and we slowly drifted apart. why u ask? life happened. he still remained as the dearest friend of mine throughout the years. we were still the goofy friends, laughing...giggling...having fun in my head. lil did i know that wasn't the case in the other end. he never really considered me as a good friend of his. i did notice it then and there, but chose not to care about it. TODAY...i was dumb and vulnerable (worst combination ever) told him how important i consider the friendship and how friendships mean to me. guess how he responded?? that i am being clingy and that i am not accepting the fact that people have their lives to live, as if i ever complained any of his doings. i was always available whenever he needed anything and this is what i get when i express myself. my fault! should've stayed in the shadows lips shut.
TL;DR: fucked up expressing how important my friend was to me
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ahhhhh_selenium on 2024-10-30 17:28:37+00:00.
Today I fucked up.
Obligatory not today, but recently (for the past 2 months) I've been dealing with a host of random health issues. Being in my mid-twenties and always having had an easy time with my health it was honestly super strange. I had the distinct thought, "Damn, this is what 24 is like huh?"
The symptoms included diarrhea, difficulty breath, headaches, difficultly sleeping, difficulty thinking, and worst of all was an awful rash that started on every joint and would constantly be flaring up painfully everyday. I genuinely struggled with work in a way I hadn't in months, and these symptoms lasted 2 months.
The main symptom that really grabbed me was the rash, and as such I got first lotion on it since it sort of looked like dry skin. After 2 weeks of no progress, I moved on to an over the counter cream for anti-fungal and hydrocortisone. While the cortisone did help with the itch, it did nothing to stop the painful spread of the infection. After that I went to my pharmacist, and got some more creams that would help. They did not.
It wasn't until another week after trying those creams (almost 2 months from onset of symptoms) that I figured out what was going on from the most unlikely place.
I don't watch Dr. House, but occasionally on YouTube Shorts I will be recommended clips from the show. During the clip that engrossed me on the toilet, Dr. House was chastising another doctor for not realizing the difference between Brazil and Bolivia, and that their patient was suffering from Selenium Poisoning from Brazil Nuts.
Turns out that the maximum amount of Selenium that an adult should take in before having signs of toxicity is only 400 micrograms a day. Each nut has roughly 100 micrograms of Selenium. I was eating 12 a day because I'd heard they were good for testosterone production, and the Trader Joe's bag I'd bought had a serving size of a quarter cup (over 30 nuts!)
Now a few days after of no longer putting nuts in my mouth, I feel loads better and most of my symptoms have largely disappeared.
I'm honestly making this post to hopefully save others from the same mistake, and to bring attention to the issue. I have a hard time that Trader Joe's suppliers who grow these for a living don't know the present and real danger the food possesses if eaten more than 2-3 nuts a day. I tried to give them feedback on the product to help them improve, but they've ignore my request for a week now and I thought others should know.
TL;DR: I got a huge host of medical issues randomly, and turns out it was because I was eating my "healthy snacks". Brazil nuts can quickly poison you if consumed more than a 1-3 nuts daily, and Trader Joe's recommends eating 30+ on their packaging.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/sbutt7 on 2024-10-30 01:28:10+00:00.
TIFU disclaimer: This happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. (I originally posted it as a comment on u/queerharveybabe ‘s dance floor post.)
When I was in 6th grade, my school had this thing called a Starlab. It was basically an inflatable mini planetarium. A whole class could fit inside and watch the outer space projections on the ceiling. Cool, right?
Except it was very dark, you had to crawl through a tunnel to get in and out, and I suddenly felt super claustrophobic.
I tried to sneak out a nervous fart, but I ripped ass instead. It echoed. And it stank. Kids yelled, gagged, and fell over each other trying to get out of the Starlab. I had just turned it into a real gas giant.
In a likely violation of the Geneva Convention, the teacher ordered everyone to sit down and remain in my fart bubble until the space presentation was over. This teacher was retired military, and thus completely unfazed by my weapon of ass destruction.
It was dark enough in the Starlab that no one could confirm that I was the source. That was the only saving grace.
I’m not sure how much anyone learned about space that day. The take-home was, “The Starlab smelled like Uranus.”
TL:DR I farted in the Starlab and dutch-ovened my 6th grade class.
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SunsetMoraBliss on 2024-10-29 17:12:53+00:00.
A few days ago, I arranged to meet a girl I’d been chatting with on a dating app. We exchanged photos, and although we hadn’t met in person, we were both excited. The problem was that when I arrived at the restaurant, I saw someone I thought was her. I walked up, told her she looked amazing, and even tried to hug her. Turns out, she wasn’t my date but someone else waiting for someone. She looked at me like I was crazy, and right at that moment, my actual date arrived and saw me in this very awkward situation.
I tried to explain that I had mistaken this other girl for her, but she was visibly upset and a bit distrustful. The whole evening was awkward, and even though I tried to fix it, I think everything was a disaster.
TL;DR: TIFU by not recognizing my date and mistaking her for someone else
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PheonixGalaxy on 2024-10-29 13:17:57+00:00.
Growing up as a guy only around women I picked up small things but nothing major. The issues is when I would talk to a girl and tell my mom about it, i would get the classic “Is she your girlfriend?” No matter the context so i would normally just say my friend or a classmate but in the same breath mentioned guys. It’s a vague memory but my family tried to gay test me as a kid. The asked me if I had to check my nails how would I check it, my dumbass used to put my hand of a flat surface to see all hands at once because I peeled my nails a lot, The results became inconclusive. I act more “feminine” and watching “girly” shows like miraculous or Steven universe and my mom saw that. A few years of this down the road my mom starts acting weird around me, during this time my mom was mad at my sister for dating but never inviting anybody over, the issue was her not knowing who my sister was dating.
Just to avoid future issues so I don’t have to sneak around I ask my mom if I can start trying to date women, the second the word women left my mouth my mom looked like she seen a ghost. Then she started laughing at me. She told me how she assumed I was gay and how from her perspective I 1.randomly stopped talking about women, 2. Act feminine because I don’t know what is considered straight or gay actions because I only grew up around women, 3. I talk way more about my guy friends. The thing is she say my search history before I knew what incognito was, TWICE! So I don’t know how she didn’t know I was 100% straight. We shared a laugh but she told me how she would support me however i turned out. To this day she still slightly suspects me.
Smaller examples my mom used
Wearing towels up to my nipples
Crossing my legs when I sit
Watched My little pony for a year because I’ll want any show with a good opening theme beck then. Im not a Brony
Preferred my stuffed animals over action figures because I liked how soft they were
Played with my hair, my hair grows fast thanks to my genetics.
Only liking soft things which was later found to my related to sensory issues I had
Listening more to girly songs
Every time me getting a girlfriend was brought up I said “I didn’t want a girlfriend” without clarifying i didnt want a boyfriend no excuse for that one, just didn’t want a relationship at the time
Using terms like “period 💅 “ for a while because my mom/sister said it a lot
Being obsessed with Kirby and animal crossing
Minor stuff but that’s what let to her conclusion but I see where she’s coming from
TLDR Mom thought I was gay because I only talked about guys around her and never about women after my first crush flopped
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Firestone140 on 2024-10-29 00:04:16+00:00.
My wife and I have been happily married for just over a year, but we’ve been together for more than 10. Today, though, was strange.
She quit her teaching job at the end of the school year and found a new job that started in October. So, we decided to use the gap to fix up the house we bought last year: Painting, improving electrics, redecorating, that kind of stuff. I even took time off so we could work on it together. We made good progress but didn’t finish everything.
Now, with her new job, she’s working long hours and is exhausted, so finishing up on painting the last bits hasn’t happened even though I asked her if we could finish it many times. Tools and paint clutter the house.
Today, I finally got fed up with tripping over all the painting gear. I knew she prefers us painting together, but I wanted it done, and wanted to surprise her with the finished task. I set everything up carefully and painted the wall and the wooden rim. It looked good, no mess. I was proud of myself. But then my wife came home…
She saw the painting tape, looked at the wall, and became furious. She barely spoke to me, even though I made dinner. Finally, after asking repeatedly, she said, “It’s no use; you’ll just do it again anyway.” She criticized everything: I should have told her beforehand (it’s not like I do much without her knowing), used different paint, noticed a tiny paint drop.
Then we went to her parents’ anniversary. She didn’t wear her wedding ring (she never takes it off), barely spoke to me on the way, ignored me there, and was all smiles with everyone else. We walked home in silence, and she went to bed without saying goodnight.
So now I’m sitting here, wondering what on earth I missed and if my marriage is over.
TL;DR: I painted a wall to finally finish the living room, but my wife disapproved and is acting like I betrayed her.
70
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Comfortable_Newt_153 on 2024-10-28 22:42:05+00:00.
******This is my first post, so I apologize for the formatting. I have redone it and split it into paragraphs. I hope this helps.
So this actually happened in May. I had recently left a long term relationship and decided it was time to get back out there. I (31F) downloaded Hinge and matched with a guy (33M) that was very good looking and we hit it off. After a few weeks, I agreed to go on a date with him. We agreed to meet up for a casual coffee date and a walk in the park. So it is time for the date and I show up on time but he is 15 minutes late, I let it go. Of course it’s awkward meeting someone and I had been out of the game for seven years so I wasn’t really sure what I was expecting.
Anyways, he gets out of the car, comes up to me and opens his arm for a hug, and I reciprocate. He then immediately goes in for a kiss with an EXCESSIVE amount of tongue. It caught me off guard, but he was really good looking so I let it go. I figured I was just lame and this is what the cool kids do these days. 🤷🏽♀️ So, we get inside this little mom and Pop shop, place our order and it is time to pay, but he just walks away with the drinks. I said out loud “I guess I will pay for them”, he responded with “oh if you don’t mind”. I would like to note, I have absolutely no problem paying it just again threw me off because it was never discussed just assumed. Again,I let it go.
We sit down and start having pretty decent conversation, but he is making very intense eye contact and making audible grunts, which made me a little uncomfortable but not enough to throw any major flags.
So it is wrapping up and it is time to go to the park. Like a dumbass, I agree to get into the car with a stranger an allow him to drive us there instead of following behind. So we are driving along and he is going the wrong direction to the park. I asked where we were going and he tells me he wanted to take me a mountain lookout. But the specific location he mentioned is known as a place nothing good happens. I veto that. He then tells me he wants me to meet his mother. I say no to that as well. This man pulls up to his mom’s house. I told him in not comfortable with this. He tries to reassure me by mentioning that it’s really his house, his mom just lives with him. 🙄
At this point, the red flags finally start to make an appearance. I told him that we had agreed to a walk in the park. He reluctantly agreed and headed to the park. He was also swerving all over the road andI swear he fell asleep at least once if not twice. I wanted to just dip out, but I didn’t have my car so I had to ride it out. I convinced him to let me swing by to get my car so it wouldn’t be a hassle later. I should have bailed right then. But nooooo, me being a dumbass, I still follow him to the park.
So we start walking and this man pulls his shirt off and leaves it off for the remainder of the date. Keep in mind, it’s a public park with a bunch of kids and old people. He wants us to sit on a bench to talk. We sit down. Y’all, this man starts to pray, LOUD af. About how grateful he was that I was put into his life and how much he LOVES me and he is in love with me and that I’m his girlfriend. People are walking past us just making eye contact with me as I mouth the words, “I’m so sorry”. It was so awkward.
I should probably mention this guy is like 6’4” at like 250+lbs. very athletic obviously works out. big enough that I knew I couldn’t take him if I ran. At this point, I was just trying to hurry it along so I could go home.
We start walking again and he tries to lead me to the edges of the park. The crowd is no longer granny’s and little kids. I’m stepping over needles and around homeless people. There are a bunch of abandoned buildings nearby. He said, “I’ve never been in these buildings at night, wanna check em out with me?” I said, “NO, I think my mom is calling I need to go home. Thankfully he didn’t push it too far. So he walks me back to my car and as I try to slide in, as I’m swinging my feet under the dash he grabs my left foot (wearing flip flops) and proceeds to put his MOUTH on my toes. Yall, the gasp I gasped! He notices, let’s go and says, “hang on”. He is parallel parked in front of me so I can’t just leave. He digs in his truck for a while and comes back with a jacket. He throws it through my driver window all the way to the back of my SUV. Looks me dead in the eyes, serious af, and says, “just so you know, I’m very possessive of my belongings, and you are not girlfriend now”. I just looked back and said ok cool. I took tf off. I looked like Lightning McQueen pulling out.
Something didn’t feel right, so I pull over a few blocks over and grab the jacket. I look in the pocket and there is an Apple Air Tag inside. I threw it in the dumpster at in the parking lot and took the longest way home I could.
Dates over, I’m alive! I call my bff and tell her wtf just happened. She was like, “BITCH, did you forget how to google”. I get home, put my FBI cap on and start looking. Tell me why THREE mugshots pop up, drugs, assault, and domestic violence. I also find him in one of those, “are we dating the same guy” groups. Yall, his exwife and other past partners had all the receipts. This man is crazy af. He is also in school to be an anesthesiologist! The last person I would want around while I’m unconscious!
I forgot to mention the funniest part! While we headed to the park he pulls out a gift card for Bonefish Grill and says, “there’s a little over $14 left, do you want to go share an appetizer?” 😂😂😂
TL;DR I went on a date with a psychopath that tried to take me to a secluded mountain top, an abandoned building, and to meet his mom (that he lives with) on a FIRST DATE! It ended with a tracker being placed in my car!
71
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/flying-banana007 on 2024-10-28 17:53:45+00:00.
This actually happened about a year ago when I was 16. It was a school day but I was at home for some reason, I cant actually remember why, and the rest of my family had gone to work/school so I had the house to myself, but my dad did tell me at about midday a couple of plumbers were coming over to try and fix our water pressure and that they knew what to do so I could just ignore them which was fine by me. Come midday im lying on the couch scrolling on my phone when the plumbers arrive. And theyre actually mostly tinkering with the hot water box thingy outside, only occasionally coming in to test a tap or something, so its like they arent even there.
Now me, being a hormonal teen, all of a sudden get the urge to, yk, choke the chicken. And I enjoy doing it in big open spaces like my lounge room, it feels kinda freeing in a weird way. Plus I could hear the plumbers outside and the only way they would be able to see me is by looking through the front window, which they have no reason to do because they're out the back, or if they looked through the big glass back doors, which have very loud wooden steps leading up to them, giving me ample warning if one of them decided to come inside. So instead of retreating into the safety of my room I pick my poison and whip my shit out right then and there. Im about a minute deep when I hear footsteps, not from the wooden steps or the front window, but from inside the house. Ive never whipped my head up faster. I feel my heart sink to my stomach as I make direct eye contact with the plumber exiting my laundry room. I somehow didnt hear him at all for the 5 odd minutes he'd been in there and thought he was out tinkering with the box like the other guy. So I lock eyes with this poor plumber for like a full second, meat in hand, video blasting, and then all at once I turn off my phone and try subtly hiding my meat behind the pillows and he just turns and walks out the backdoor, which is right next to the laundry so he was gone quick.
I obviously stopped after that but I was to ashamed to even get up and go to my room so I sat in the exact same position until they left about 20 minutes later. After they left I went and stood where he had been standing to try and gauge how much he saw, and luckily because he was looking at me from over the back of the couch, I think the pillows mostly covered up my weiner, but he definitely heard the video, and he definitely saw the position my arm was in. I still lie awake at night and ponder why I did that dumb shit
TL;DR I masturbated in front of the plumber by accident because I thought he was outside
72
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Wecandodabs on 2024-10-27 19:37:53+00:00.
Sooooo today I fucked up, I decided to order some toys on Amazon. I am a 23M and still live with my parents, don’t judge it’s rough out here! Anyway, I was at work when the package arrived.. my mom also had a package that was delivered and got the 2 mixed up. She opened mine, and the text I got was “ummm what is this” and with an attached picture. The contents were on the severe side of kinky so she was worried about me and asked if I was okay 😭 I also just came out to them about a week ago so it’s still all new to them which made it a bit awkward. I made sure that shit was discrete as possible and it was all for her just to open it anyway. We had a discussion when I got home and it was rough, more awkward than anything but I’m just glad my parents care about me and I’d rather the discussion not be about what it was, but life is life and some things come unexpected 🤷♂️ (no pun intended) Anyway pretty big fuck up but all is good now
TL;DR - My mom opened my package full of sex toys
73
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/coldcose on 2024-10-28 08:45:51+00:00.
So today I fucked up big time. It all started when we got a assignment at university this March for a text of about 50 pages we have to write. Around that time, not related to this, I got a hard phase of depression and have been taking antidepressants since.
The problem starts with the procrastination that came with my depression. I can't get shit done even if I want to.
So when we had to hand the assignment in in early August I wasn't done, had a big panic attack, went to ER and university offered me one month more to get it done thankfully. So I somehow, don't ask me how got it written (mostly bad than good) but my depression and procrastination hindered me of just handing it in to get corrected.
For context in my studies I am employed for a business in my town and kinda study for them while getting paid, working half the time for them and studying half the time. (It's a dual system)
So I got my papers handed in to the university but not my employer who is supposed to correct it. I start working on the presentation for the assignment and a month later, last week my employer rightfully asks where my assignment is since university asked them for their correction.
So now university calls me and says the assignment I send them is corrupted and I have to resend it to them.
I always have a backup of my files on 3 seperate devices (my Pc at home, my Laptop at work and a USB stick in my bag) and I thought this might be enough but no. Each and every file related to this assignment together with some other files and folders of private things are corrupted.
I got nothing to hand in. And since I didn't hand it in to my employer in time now they probably all think I didn't do shit and think I wanted to do whatever...
It just all looks super suspicious: I got a later due date because of a panic attack. I didn't hand it in in time. And for some reason all files are corrupted.
It just all seems too suspiciously specific. And all of that because I didn't hand it in earlier where the files probably were still intact.
TL;DR: I didn't hand in my assignment when needed and now all files realted are corrupted.
74
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MillenialForHire on 2024-10-28 05:48:19+00:00.
There isn't a whole lot of story behind this one. We have an electronic coffee machine in the break room that can make coffee, latte, hot chocolate, and most reasonable hybrids. Mocha, etc cetera.
I recently quit coffee, and have since been drinking a hot chocolate on pretty much every break. It started off as just a way to stave off the craving, but now it's become a habit. I'm fit, I can afford the calories, so I haven't been inclined to stop.
It's basically muscle memory now to head to the machine and hit the hot chocolate buttons, so when I popped open a package of noodles and wanted to put hot water into it...well. I assume you've read the post title.
TL;DR I hit the wrong button on the coffee machine and poured hot chocolate into my noodle bowl. I need more sleep.
75
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Particular-Okra-9516 on 2024-10-28 00:53:07+00:00.
This happened a few days ago, but I’m still recovering from the embarrassment and feeling anxious about seeing my classmates again tomorrow. What should I do?
For a little background, I grew up in a close nit religious family in a small town. So I was raised surrounded by purity culture. In the last couple of years, I have started distancing myself from religion and coming to terms with my toxic upbringing. I’m still trying to rewire some of my beliefs, such as sex before marriage being sinful. On top of this, I have been having a really hard time dating, as a lot of times I’m met with guys either begging to take my virginity or being weirded out that I’m still a virgin at 25. Making it feel impossible to actually enter into a relationship where Id feel comfortable actually having sex. I also made the decision to go back to school around the same time that I started to leave religion and break away from my strict, overbearing religious parents. So I moved a few hours away to the city to complete my education.
So fast forward to now, almost 2 years later. I’m nearing the end of my program and will graduating in December (yay!). I have become pretty close with some of the girls from the program as we all take the same classes and pretty much see each other every day. Most of these girls are 19-21, and were raised very differently from me. They are the type to party every weekend, and have a lot of one night stands. So, they’re very sex positive and are always sharing their experiences. Normally, I just listen/sit the conversation out.
Well, some of us decided to go for dinner/drinks Thursday night (we don’t have classes on Fridays) to celebrate the end of the week and just hang out. It was me (F/25) and 3 of my classmates, let’s call them April (F/19), Georgia (F/21), and Emma (F/21). Once again, the topic of sexual experiences and body count got brought up. As usual, I got really quiet as I always try to avoid this topic, given my upbringing. But one of the other girls, Georgia (F/21) was pushing for me to share my experiences too. I kept trying hard to change the subject, but she just kept asking. I think she assumed that I had a lot of stories I could tell, given my age compared to them. So I finally admitted that I am still a virgin so I don’t have any stories or roster or anything like that. They were all super shocked, since Im almost 26 (my birthday is a month away, which they know). I think they could sense my discomfort, as April quickly started saying that it was okay and everyone moves through life at their own pace. The others agreed. But I still felt silently judged, and made up an excuse to leave shortly after that. These last couple of days, I have just been feeling so embarrassed and worried that they’re going to tell the other girls from the program, as they’re still young and like gossip a lot. I have also been a bit angry at Georgia, cause I kind of felt forced to admit it since she wouldn’t just drop the subject. I know I am definitely overthinking it, but I’m really wishing I could go back in time and say something different. For a split second, I thought about lying but I’ve always sucked at lying (thanks to being taught that lying is a sin), so I didn’t. Now I’m super anxious about going back to school tomorrow and have been thinking of dropping out of this semester and switching schools. Which I know is stupid, especially since I’m so close to graduating. So I’ve also been considering just having sex to get it over with so I won’t feel the embarrassment of being one anymore. This is just another situation that has recently made me hate my upbringing, because if I would’ve had a normal one, I probably wouldn’t even be a virgin anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to continue on talking to them, as I’m constantly going to be wondering if they’ve told anyone.
TLDR; Was raised in a religious community where sex before marriage is considered wrong. I recently left religion and moved to a bigger city to go to school. I went out to dinner with girls from school and one of my classmate pushed me into admitting that I am an almost 26 year old virgin. Now I’m regretting not lying about it. I want to drop out of school due to embarrassment, or just have sex to get it over with. Don’t know how to face them when I see them at school now.