fakenews

i pledge to restore the great american industry of glasses that look like the year, and glasses with noses and moustaches on them

The trend began online back in 2016 with young fascists believing they could attain near demigod like powers by not ejaculating for a month. Now Betsy Devos is looking to make it a key part of universities across the nation.

Many Americans are confused as to the nature of this action. The general attitude of Republican voters is that this is disappointing, while Democrat voters tend to be happy, albeit a bit confused. Trump has released a statement on the matter, stating that he wants to "cross the aisle" and "become one, strong nation, a nation no longer divided by party lines". Experts suspect that this may be apart of a "broader attempt" to merge the two parties, forming a "unified party" that can "make America truly great". This has been Luna, on Foxgirl News.

The SpaceX leader was hailed as mankind's savior after making the world's first sentient AI he used to fashion himself a wife. Now he's missing and his "wife" won't answer questions from the police without a lawyer.

"I've never seen anything like it" says Dan Doonerson, top analyst and co-founder of the Democratic Institute of Misinformation.

"There' really no words for how brazen it all is" an exasperated Doonerson said. "Somehow, this got by us and allowed the election to go off the rails and, frankly, it's a failure of my entire industry allowing this to slip by."

Lemmy, the "federated" website collective Donnerson specializes in, was founded in 2019 by Dessalines, a shadowy figure in the already shady dark web world. While the site claims to be free and open-source, many have called the source of its funding into question as well as the national origins of its development team.

Shortly before the beginning of the U.S. election season, lemmy experienced a surge in popularity, the cause of which is not known for certain. Many, including analysts at Doonerson's organization, have reason to believe Russian meddling in popular American social media websites, especially reddit, led to the spike in interest.

"This seems to reflect a recent trend in the media consumption habits of Americans and its hard to believe the timing isn't suspect" says Doonerson. "However, while more right wing populists have sought an escape from 'woke media', lemmy seems to cater to an extremist embrace of liberal woke politics and its hard to find the differences in the results."

Doonerson and the Democratic Institute for Disinformation began ringing the alarm bells on Lemmy in late 2023. Donnerson claims misinformation and election interference operations were already well on their way by that time; "By then it was already too late and many still wouldn't listen".

"The center of Lemmy's operations is a central collective of a few separate communities with similar content and intentions, namely 'comms' located on Hexbear, the area of lemmy with the most activity."

Hexbear, an oddly named site federated with the Lemmy collective, is a extremist far-left site with similarly opaque command structures and moderation policies. As the most active instance, it's most active comms quickly became of interest to Doonerson.

"We've noticed a large amount of irregular activity on comms such as 'the dunk tank', 'the dredge tank', and of course 'fake news'. It's dumbfounding they were able to get away with this for so long and, as many suspect, it goes much deeper than we thought".

However, Doonerson states, the Democratic Institute for Misinformation has made many efforts recently to curtail the spread and influence of these instances in order to bring democratic values back to the forefront of progressive politics. "Obviously we can't say much, but we've found many effective methods for controlling the site culture and steering many would be extremists and unwitting propagandists back into the fold of society".

seriously what the fuck https://hexbear.net/post/3879726

In stunning reveal, hexbear moderator team announced franchise transfer of the reviled website to the fakene,ws owners. According to rumors, the cost of the deal was 20 dollars and a rat named Johnny. New owners are reportedly happy to keep their local franchise community c/fakenews, but plan to wind down c/news operations: "We think addition of hexbear non-drama prone community to our fakene,ws operation will allow us to reach new audiences across lemmyverse. We don't want to create confusion with yet existing fake fakenews comm (c/news), and thus plan to close it immediately"

"The Onion", one of America's most trustworthy news sources has been banned on fringe left-wing putlerist right-wing leftist marxist-leninist McCarthy-ist russian botfarm internet forum "Hexbear" after the users of the site concluded that the reporting by the Award-Winning network contained what they described as "falsehoods".

Users of the secretly transphobic websites dedicated trans safe space megathread responded "huh?" when asked for comment.

The son of actor Tom Hanks can be seen with rainbow colored dreadlocks rapping in what native speakers are calling "Albanglish" broken Albanian words mixed with English and mumbling. The 3 minute TikTok dis track also appears to be filmed in front of a garbage site late at night.

shit i mean to post in c/realnews

DARK SOULS director Hidetaka Miyazaki has stated in an interview with Japanese game press that the third and final (?) iteration in the Dark Souls series should have “never been made” due to Bandai Namco publishing company having pressured him into producing it. “I never wanted to make a third game, I like new projects… revisiting the series was very hard for me and everyday was difficult to say the least.” Miyazaki’s latest creation broke records when it was released in February of 2021. The game titled Elden Ring was cowritten with *Winds of Winter author George R.R. Martin, some claim it is his magnum opus but he says it was just another project with more ambitious projects on the way. “The fanbase is bad (meaning cringe), especially in the west. I don’t like the games association with its fans. Some fans are good but others are bad.” A bold quote from the director who is lashing out at some of the fanbase for Dark Souls, which has gained major popularity within the western hemisphere along with FROMSOFTWARE’S catalogue as a whole.

The White House Historical Association has quietly increased the number of new hires and contracts for laundering services.

Staffers briefed of Vice President's history, reportedly "nervous, disgusted"

One anonymous staffer, who chose not to reveal their name, said "we provide a clean and sanitary place for our Officials, dignitaries, and guests. The White House has its history of sordid stories, however we are concerned for all of our history given the VP's proclivities."

The Association stated on their website that most, "incoming president has found furnishings that were worn out and in need of replacement due to everyday wear and tear." When reached for comment, the spokesperson directed us to their website stating, "Occasionally presidents and their wives spent so much on new furnishings that they exceeded the money Congress had originally appropriated. In some cases, they were able to make up the difference out of their own pockets, but not every president had the financial resources to do so."

YAMABUKI, Nov 5 (Hexbear) - Hexbear News projected that Independent Presidential Candidate Miyako has won the U.S. presidency, defeating Democrat Klanala Harris and Republic Rondald Trump, making history as the first woman of colour to win the U.S. presidency.