I was almost killed by police years ago. I worked for a it company who was contracted to a credit union to basically be their it department. They were opening a new branch. I was there doing the final preparations as the grand opening was the next morning. Everything was done, I told the vp/cto/cfo who was my main contact that I would be back the next day but everything should be set so I was calling it a day. I had a notebook with passwords, ip addresses, etc. Which I left behind by accident. I walked out the door and there was 6 cop cars in a semi circle, cops behind their car doors, guns pointed at me, screaming "get down with your hands above your head". I'm not a fool so I got on the ground. Luckily the vp saw I left my notebook and walked out to give it to me before I drove off. He walked out and got same screaming. He basically gave them his name and titles and we were brought into the building and found the CEO.

Turns out they installed a security system and the security company tested the system to ensure it was working. They forgot to inform the cops that it was a test. The best part was I was there when the cops gave essentially a ticket for false report to the ceo, I forget the cost but it was in the tens of thousands. The ceo took the ticket "thank you officer" and without missing a beat just turned to the guy from the security company "and this is for you". No question, no negotiation, just like you fucked up and I'm not covering it.

Fun... Well not really fun... Fact:

Giant tortoise didn't get a scientific name for 300 years. They were so delicious no crew actually managed to get one back to England. They always ended up eating all the cargo.

Wait... Who plays these games on console? I feel they need the mouse to have any sort ability to control.

Reminds me of a time several years ago when I went to pick up the kid from a new day care. I walked up to the desk and said "hi, I'm here to pick up a kid" and the woman behind the counter said "no problem, what's the kids name?". Her face went pale and she panicked when I responded "it doesn't matter, I'm not picky"...

I don't mean any offense but is hiring someone to drink expired milk the best way of testing it? Can't they like measure bacteria or chemical composition or something?

You're not that off with the brisket comment. On the really hot days here in Texas you can take a cookie sheet, buy a pack of break and bake cookie dough, put the dough on the cookie sheet, leave it on your dash board and go to work.

When you get out you have a dozen fresh soft baked cookies and your car smells amazing 😁

But.... Theft is hard!

Speed traps I can sit on my ass, get up every 20 minutes and get a bonus for how much revenue I brought in...

I prefer mildly slutty olive oil...

I work for a medical device manufacturer and you are missing a important reason for that exception. Yes human lives are on the line. In addition WE (meaning my company) are responsible for finding out why it broke and how we will prevent other devices we make from breaking.

We make a device and say it will last 10 years, 2 years later it stops. We have to replace it, We have to investigate to the best of our ability, We have to report our findings to the government, if several cases happen We need to come up with a prevention for the future dailures(or prevention if severe enough). We have entire departments for this. It is our burden not the consumer and it's our burden so we have enough evidence to determine root cause and final solution so we can prevent further failures.

I think what they are going for is you know all your secrets and insecurities. You might know what you look like before make up, or as you decompress from a hard day of work. You might wear baggy shirt to cover a small belly. You might wear flowing dresses because you don't like your ass.

You compare that to people who wear yoga pants because they are proud of their ass. Or people who spent 45 minutes doing their hair and makeup that morning. You might see a guy with his shirt off because he spent hours in the gym working on his abs.

You know how you act/look your worst at home alone. You compare to how others look when they are out in public and dressed to impress.

My favorite story about this is I had a friend who was smart but quick to jump to conclusions and not technical.

He had a roommate who sometimes used his computer. He comes home one day to a message on the screen, full screen saying "This computer is locked by the NSA. We have detected illegal activity including child pornogry(yes spelt that way). You may send $300 in Walgreens gift card codes to (some yahoo email address I forget) or you will be arrested. This computer can not be unlocked."

He panics thinking his roommate did something, shut down the computer, removed the hard drive and memory.

Two years later I hear about this and tell him it's fake and let me take a look at it. Turns out the computer was not" locked". I got into the system by booting into safe mode. There was a program added to the start up folder of the start menu(this was in windows xp). That program literally just launched a window with that message, set to full screen with no close button. Out of curiosity I rebooted the system message popped up and I just hit alt-f4 and had full control of the system. These scans are designed for people to panic and not think critically.

All I'm going to say is I still remember "correcthorsebatterrystaple"....