This is very helpful. Honestly from all the comments here, yours have been the most insightful and helpful (not to say the others didnt help).
Funny enough I did hear about the ABC stuff when I tried therapy (I only had like 3 sessions and didn't like my therapist) but I never thought to apply the ABC to this situation. Thank you for that realisation, for sharing your expenice and for being so open to talking. And I am happy to hear about your current relationship going so well.
Yeah I mean overall my life is good. I have education, I am financially stable, in good health. But its hard to see where to go from here especially not having found anyone.
Also something I have not mentioned, which I dont know if its valid or stupid to think this way but I would ideally like to lose my virginity with someone else who is a virgin. Since if I have been waiting so long for the right person I would like to feel that way too for them to choose me as the right person
Its hard to list them just like that and some of them are pretty standard IMO. I would say the most impactful standard that I have is non smoker (tabaco), weed I dont mind as long as it isn't a habit.
Other which I feel like is really big is consistent communication. Which you might think is easy to find but in my experience some girls just dont answer for days and that is not something which I appricate. i know in some situations it just means that she is not that interested but I get that a lot :/
This is one of the obvious ones I guess but not being mean and initialy trying to be nice to people.
Is not only about the sex but also having a meaningful enough relationship to want to do it with that person
Thank you so much for sharing in such detail, you've said things I never thought about. How looking at things from a different physiology perspective might change how I see things.
I do struggle with some of the thoughts you mentioned. I have always felt insecure and the added fact that I'm still a virgin just adds to my insecurities.
My dad has pressured me for things like school education and discipline. But when it came to girls he didnt really do so and he even told me it was better to just focus on my studies. Which I did but its not like I had an alternative ie someone interested enough in me to distract me form my studies.
But yeah my best friend for example has had all these experiences, meeting girls in such random scenarios and getting to have relations. Minewhile I'm still a virgin. All be it, all except for one of the girls I would probably not like to have sex with personally.
And I honestly dont know what to do to change this. All I've been doing is just trying to better my self. Learned to play the guitar. Almost graduated. Already have a job. Going to the gym/volleyball. I tried to dress better/fancier. All of these things and I still have no one.
Well I have tried to go on dates or try to find someone but I am also picky with the people I choose to go out with. What I take most from your comment is the last part, thank you.
I mean yeah of course I have milestone and goals. But without them I would not have the motivation to do things in life. And I feel like this is one of those goals which I'm falling at missirably
Thank you. I mean its not only about the sex I also just want to be in a nice relationship being aborad without family is hard
In some aspects I do feel like it is beginning but also the college life is ending and it felt like these were supposed to be my wild years. And while I did experience many things, sexual relations were not one of them. And it feels like I've lost my chance
I mean I havent had a real relationship since the age of 15 and that was barely anything. But I am afraid of what potentional partners may think of me if I havent had sex yet. Feel like they will think that there much be a reason someone didnt want to have sex with me already
I dont actively try to look for it but I do talk about with my friends. Regathless thanks for sharing
I never said this was my only and first thought but it is part of the topic of the conversation and it is something that crosses my mind but its not the main thing I think about when I'm getting to get to know someone