5/5 -- Caveat Federator
Hexbear's success isn't the only example of federation being over-rated. BeeHaw caused controversy by defederating from sh.itjust.works and lemmy.world to protect their moderators' sanity. Two months on, it is obvious they made the right descision for the right reasons. A number of positive contributors joined precisely because they took this bold action. BeeHaw is currently the second fastest growing server, and has become an instance with a unique character and community that attracts positive participation from across the Threadiverse.
Federation creates the potential for a diverse variety of instances to independently find their voice and niche. Ironically, premature federation with larger instances can overwhelm a new instance, washing away its unique character or preventing it from developing an identity in the first place.
It's commendable you're seeking feedback from your users on the decision, and I'd suggest you continue to be open about your politics and preferences. You're not going to please everyone, and it's important that you grow a community that you feel welcome in and are supported. Your commitment to the principle of federation or the diversity of the political discourse here isn't going to matter much if you burn out and have to shut it down.
You obviously have reservations about federating with Hexbear. Regardless of what the current consensus appears to be, don't do it. In fact, consider defederating from other large Lemmy instances too, at least until you've built a stable community with experienced moderators, and you all agree the moderation technology is now up to the task. You may lose some current users, but you'll attract others who agree with your decision and are more supportive of the kind of community you're trying to build.
I just finished writing a small book in a thread about federation on literature.cafe yesterday, the thrust of which is that moderation, not federation is the threadiverse's killer feature, and when in doubt smaller instances shouldn't federate with larger ones. This list makes a perfect post-script to my point. Do you mind if I crib it? I'm a big fan of what you're doing here. I'd also love your feedback on my observations if you have time.