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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Haunting_Chair6880 on 2023-07-28 03:58:16.
Months ago, my fiancé asked me if I would ever consider allowing his ex-wife to visit because she misses the cat they used to share. A few weeks ago he also asked what I would need to happen to be comfortable with her staying for the weekend.
I asked for him for notice so that I can make sure things are tidy and there’s a comfy place prepared for her to sleep. I also asked to of course — meet her. I think that these are reasonable expectations for any house guest.
A little bit about me: I have a demanding job that keeps me awake and working late at night during the week and at times on weekends. I already know that this weekend is going to be a WFH situation and I am already physically and mentally tired.
Last night, my fiancé told me that his ex-wife plans on arriving Friday evening (2 day notice) and while she acknowledges that’s it’s nice that I’m okay with her visiting, she would like confirmation that I will not be at home for the weekend because it’s “bad for her mental health” to meet me and she just wants a weekend with the cat. My fiancé suggested that we get a hotel and have a cute little weekend getaway while his ex-wife who refuses to meet me stays in our home.
I’m frustrated by this for several reasons:
- I don’t think how or where I spend my time on the weekend should be dictated by a person who refuses to make eye contact with me
- I just want to be comfy and in my own home while I’m reluctantly working on the weekend
- Why should money be spent on a hotel when the other party could simply acknowledge that I have a right to exist in my home
- The entitlement. Her mental health can’t handle meeting me? I’m absolutely mentally ill and I’m welcoming the woman who used to bang my fiancé into our home with open arms and purchased new pillows/linens to make her more comfortable. I could also never imagine asking someone to leave their home for the weekend when they’re admittedly doing me a favor
- This would not be a cute little weekend getaway. I have to work, do laundry, and all of the other chores one does during the weekend. I would be sitting in a hotel room working and stressing over the loads of laundry that I could be making progress on if I was able to be at home
- I’m not comfortable leaving a stranger alone in my home
- WTF
My fiancé is annoyed that I don’t want to leave for the weekend because I have things to do around the house and now his ex-wife is saying she might not come. He thinks the cat will be sad and thinks I should be okay with her staying alone in our house for the weekend.
This woman hasn’t attempted to see this cat in over 1.5 years.
AITA?