In December 2022 I realized I skipped seeing my cardiologist for 6 years. Did a 24 hour monitor. Apparently my heart rate was dropping to 21 bpm and stopping pumping for up to three seconds. So in February 2023 they cut me open and give me a pacemaker. Months go on and I am still getting winded. So they did another heart Cath procedure (on the 28th) and it turns out my heart is doing worse than thought even, so in the next 3-5 years I'll need a heart transplant. But the make up of my organ layout means I'll need a specialist, which just all sounds so slim. I am 33 and so fucking tired.

I hope to leave some of this stress behind. I know there's a lot I can't escape now, but I hope I can leave some of the anger and fear behind. It's been hard to be a good dad or partner this year just from feeling so stressed, and if I don't know how long we will have I just want my daughter to remember a happier dad.

It took me a very long time to realise that there's no point worrying about things I can't control, I needed to find ways to mitigate the risks or consequences.

E.g. I used to get very very anxious about traveling, e.g. for a four hour car trip. What is there's heavy traffic, what if we run late, what if there are detours, what if we need to stop, what if the car breaks down...

Then I started working out what I could actually do about these things? What is in my control? What can I do to make heavy traffic more bearable (music and water)? So what if I'm late? I have a phone I can call. I can keep my car well maintained, I can drive calmly, and so on.

It's not perfect, it's anecdotal, but it was a mindset change that helped me. I mean, medication helped too... it gave me the space to be rational.

Best of luck! Happy new year.

Apologies if that all came off as preachy crap.

the way i see it, the world may well end within our lifetime. when the credit card server farms collapse into the encroaching ocean it won't matter anymore

Ah fuck off, it's sad if someone you love can no longer be a part of your life.

Fuck western funerals. Dying of old age in the west isn't sad, it's the ultimate conclusion to that person's story and should be celebrated. Edit: I mean celebrate their life not their death.

But, the funeral industry gotta sell you a shitty coffin, sell you a shitty service. Shitty people gotta show off how sad they are. Edit: being an edgy arsehole isn't cool. Grieve how you want, not how someone else thinks you should, including me.

Well you're Nikki to me, hope that helps

Think you won the thread. :)

Here's to hoping the crime part is just you stealing chocolate bars.

Hope you find the strength to kick the meth problem. ❤️

I am literally so over literally.

A lot of my stress disappeared when changing jobs. Before that, I was having a lot of sleepless nights and even had frequent brain zaps/hypnic jerks.