Asklemmy

Going with the flow is such an important skill that more parents need to put more of a focus in teaching. It's all about making sure that your response is a realistic way of attaining your goal in the situation.

If I'm talking to someone else and trying to help them through a situation like they say, ask them to think for a minute if getting angry will do anything at all to help the situation they find themselves in.

"You are absolutely right to be upset about this situation, and if you need to take a minute to feel that rage, go right ahead. Once you're ready though, let's take a deep breath, remember that we can't change what's already happened and instead be strategic and intentional about what we do from here to correct for what just happened"

Being able to gain control of yourself is a skill that requires practice. Intrusive thoughts and feelings and emotions happen to everyone, the trick is just recognizing when it's happening. When you recognize that it's happening, take a deep breath and shake it off. For me that means just slowing down and being much more methodical and intentional about anything that I say or do until that fight or flight mode response disengages. Be conscious of the fact that my reflexes cannot be trusted when I am in fight or flight mode.

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

The easiest way someone explain this to me which really made it click -

Something potentially annoying or shitty happens... Think about how long it will actually matter for.

Will it matter in an hour? Will it matter in a day? Will it matter in a month? What about a year?

The longer it actually matters for, the more emotional effort you can feel justified putting into it.

I guarantee that the dogs tracking muddy footprints through the house won't matter in an hour - and just answering that question for yourself usually takes all the charge out of your emotion.

If it will matter in a year such as something big like a relationship crisis that could upheave your life.... Well maybe it's actually worth getting stressed about.

The best part about this is you can actually lie to everyone else, but you cannot lie to yourself about how long it will matter for and just asking yourself the question has the effect whether or not you want to be angry and say yes it will matter.

For me it was getting sober and specifically the serenity prayer. I have a terrible temper. Like break things and punch people temper. It's always embarrassing to lose control like that. Well, saying that prayer reminds me that there are things I can control and things I can't. Serenity is understanding the difference and accepting your powerlessness over things like the past, other people's thoughts and actions, and even your own flaws. I am so calm now, I just have a "not my circus, not my monkeys" attitude most of the time. Occasionally, something starts to push my buttons and I have to walk away if possible, but that's rare.

Also, make sure you're getting enough sleep and try cutting out caffeine. Anything that causes more cortisol production is going to stress you.

Train yourself to observe yourself. With some practice, you can kind of see yourself from an outside perspective. Watching yourself have a tantrum over spilling some water, or banging your head or whatever, is pretty funny.

Worse things happen to better people (but also I am too tired for angry a lot of the time).

There are some psych things to do, breathing exercises etc. but honestly a lot of people who seem to have a hair trigger have a lot that's already brimming under the surface. Of course, some people are just entitled shits that get angry about every tiny thing that doesn't go their way and should probably reflect on whether they expect everything should go their way and if anger is helping them or their community. Sometimes anger is a totally justified response.

This probably isn't a helpful response, but for me, once something is inevitable I don't see a point in getting upset, so I don't. For instance I' the dogs tracv dirt through the house, I'd definitely be a bit annoyed that I have to clean it up, but actually letting it get to me would only serve to make my night worse.

Um...I just stay away from people to avoid the unexpected and I always stay home. I'm extremely predictable myself (you could set your watch to me) so I'm never concerned about my end, but other people can be unpredictable so I tend to avoid. I'm also not a pet person, so that's not an issue either. Driving to and from work is my greatest unpredictability factor.

breathing exercises, intense exercise, taking timeout to think about about all your stressors and what actions you can take to reduce them in meaningful ways. i also get really mad and stressed out and close to shutting down sometimes/often. im trying to get into a DBT skills course on top of what i already mentioned as things that have been helpful for me but yeah

it depends on what I'm getting mad at. For instance, I don't tend to argue/yell/confront people in real life. I only get mad at people if it's online. In real life if I can look into someone's eyes I'll feel different about it. If it's some racist person or someone being annoying, I look in their eyes and often see a little kid trying to rile people up, so I just feel sad. Or sometimes I'll see nothing in their eyes. If someone is pure evil, I just don't sense their soul anymore, so getting emotionally invested in them is like throwing a bucket of water into a black hole. Anger at them would go nowhere. I dismiss people like that, acknowledge what they are, and tell them to stop doing whatever they're doing. Don't say racist or transphobic or whatever stuff around me, simple as that, you know? usually being direct works the best. I have a 100% success rate so far, because people like that do get embarrassed easily if they're in public, trying to confide something bigoted with me, then I'm not having it.

Anger at situations though? I don't deal with that in a healthy way at all. I turn all of it into self-hatred. I blame myself for every problem I have. If there's a way out of doing that, I'd love to know, because this sucks.

Marijuana

In the end nothing really matters, the universe will suffer a heat death and we're just here for a extremely short ride.

For me it was seeing people with really bad tempers, while I was a child. I realized how childish it made them seem, and how often, the temper didn't help them get their way.

So now when I see other adults that way I just see childishness. And I don't want to be that.

Get enough sleep, is my first and most important strategy.

I simply project my reality onto my surroundings

This is my husband and I ask him on a regular basis. I still have no idea.

When I was in AA I learned the maxim "I can be right or I can be well" and it neutralized about 80% of the people and things that pissed me off. Another 15% has been reduced to a nuisance that I say "fuck off!" to, and the remaining 5% are inanimate objects which I respond to rather violently.

Play fighting games. It'll teach you how to manage the salt economy within your body

https://yewtu.be/watch?v=gfc1MRVmJYs

It's a combination of a few things. I've always been fairly chill, and I think these factors help further that zen.

Having a potent sense of humor makes it easy to laugh off anything from mundane to tragic. Always preferred to "laugh, so I don't cry." Easily my biggest coping mechanism.

Another good method I heard was this perspective exercise. When something irks you, stop and think "will I still be upset about this a week from now, month from now, year from now?" Usually the answer is no, I'll have completely forgotten about this mild inconvenience. If it's something I'll be upset about a year out, then I'm justified being upset in the moment.

Finally, another tool of perspective is the cosmic absurdity of it all. Here we are, sharing this tiny mossy pebble of a space ship called Earth, in the middle of the goddamn boondocks of outer space. If this entire planet disappeared overnight, the universe at large wouldn't even notice. For an inconceivable distance in every direction is a cosmic lifeless void. In the absolute grand scheme of things, all these little grievances are so insignificant. It's insane that any of us are here. We'll return to infinite nothingness soon enough. Take a deep breath, enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Idk maybe hit a joint once in a while too lol

It’s a slow process to change how you think. You need to recognize when you have negative thoughts or emotions and correct/remind yourself to have a different response. An example I have, a teen ran a stop sign and gave me the finger. Of course my feelings were anger and frustration. To have it stop bothering me I kind of have to Laugh it off. Try to laugh or chuckle at how they were possibly trying to show off to their passenger. Silly, stupid and dangerous, so laugh at that, like really they think that’s cool aha. It sounds silly but there are some opposite emotions that you can’t feel at the same time. Like anger and laughter, depression and gratitude. It’s slow to change how you think. Be patient and kind to yourself. Everytime you recognize negative thinking is a positive step.

I also have difficulty remembering things. Again it sounds silly but post it notes works for me. On the yard door “wipe paws”. On the coffee maker in the morning “take pills”. Bathroom mirror “brush teeth” rather than forgetting and getting upset at myself, I’m reminded before it’s a problem.

Just some of the things I’ve learned from therapy that have been helpful to me

Sometimes the best opportunities to show how you feel are not the immediate opportunities.

Regular exercise (every other day at least) makes a big difference for me.

I went through periods like that off and on my entire life until I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s. What I've come to find out is that generally those periods have an underlying cause. Figure out/tend to the cause, and these effects lessen drastically.

Everyone is different so that may not necessarily apply to you, but I'm hoping that describing my experience may help you in some way.

weed

Well, it’s not something I do as much as it is just who I am. I never choose to just be chill, it’s just that I very rarely get annoyed or mad. Even the rare times I do, I can often just breathe out and force a genuine smile thinking about everything nice and beautiful, and it just doesn’t stick. I get happy and content and will just clean up and laugh or facepalm at my clumsiness or dumbness or whatever. I’m a serious goof though. Maybe it’s easier if you don’t (and simply can’t) take yourself too seriously.

Punch a homeless dude