God just min maxed tortoises. High CON (aka HP, defense), but low DEX (aka speed, evasion).

We at least have high INT, WIS stats relatively speaking.

Wow, god adores lobsters.

Somewhere around 1 in 1,000-10,000 turtles live to adulthood. And those that survive live 150 years to remember everything they've seen... like their newborn siblings being eaten in front of them by predators.

So maybe God really fucking hates turtles.

"Uhh... Something something about an inordinate fondness for beetles."

God's way into sharks.

https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/greenland-shark.html

Checkmate, christians!

Behold dog

I think the favored beast of the gods is Bear. They're very tanky.

True, but turtles can't go surfing.

Their armor makes a handy bowl to eat turtle soup out of for a human.