Memes

Then they tell you the previous person was incompetent or something to try and make it seem like they were a bad employee, not that it's a bad work environment.

"Oh? And who was in charge of their interview?" because unless they have a large hr department to handle hiring interviews, it was probably the person who hired you.

This is when you take notes in your notebook you should have brought with you.

I've noticed interviewers get visibly uncomfortable when I write in my notebook. It's like they're either trying to figure out if they just lied about something I will be able to reference later, or they just get that natural "someone is writing about me and I can't read what it is" feeling, I assume the former.

Simon Pegg wasn't lying in Hot Fuzz. The notebook is a powerful weapon if used right.

I always ask why they are hiring. It's important to know if you're a replacement or part of an expansion project.

If it's the latter I ask them how many they are hiring and what the long term goal is.

Standard interview practice

Okay, I stole this a while back, but I feel it's needed here. It's my new favorite meme format.

"you know that this job is for a brand new office we're opening, right? Have you, like, read the job description?"

You dun goofed

I did this at the interview for the power plant I've been working at for the past 2.5 years. There was a 3 person panel interviewing me and I think they were impressed that I not only asked this but kept asking it through vague bullshit answers. They initially just said "the previous guy left." And I just sat there for about 10 seconds, waiting for more info than that. Then I said "okay, did he quit, get fired, put in his notice, retire, get demoted, get promoted, become disabled, die off site, die while here...?" He had gone to a different company, but I was uneasy from their hesitance to be forthcoming, so I dug into questions about the culture there, work/life balance, advancement opportunities, safety record, management style, and (maybe my favorite) "what does success in this role look like and how are your feedback and expectations of that communicated to employees?"

They seemed uncomfortable and impatient, but because I already had a decent job at the time I had nothing to lose by swinging my dick around and cutting the bullshit. I highly recommend applying and interviewing for jobs while you're already reasonably well-employed. It's great practice, it keeps your resume up to date, you learn real negotiation tactics, and you get to decline offers that aren't a substantial step up. About a year and a half ago, I did a video interview in my underwear where the manager and supervisor running the interview couldn't hear me so I was live troubleshooting and resolved their issue. I got an offer, rejected it by telling HR to come back with a higher offer, got the same offer a week later, asked the HR lady why she wasn't capable of listening to my instructions and was wasting my time with greedy negotiation tactics (which really annoyed her), asked for her name and the name of her supervisor while wholeheartedly rejecting any offer that would come from her, reported the experience to her supervisor, got a call back from the HR lady full of apologies (which I didn't forgive but thanked her for), and emailed the supervisor I had interviewed with to thank him and let him know that everything sounded great but I couldn't work for a company whose HR department was that shitty to me before I even verbally accepted an offer. Because of the nature of my industry and our relatively young ages, I told him I wouldn't be surprised if I wound up working with him somewhere within the next ten years anyway, and I looked forward to that within a company that respects its employees as much as he seems to.

For those who don't already know, HR exists to fuck the workers in order to benefit the company. Do not trust a goddamn thing HR says. Get everything documented. Record everything they say if it's legal to do so in your state. If not, draft immediate, timestamped memos (like an email to yourself) of everything that just happened and was said, and be objective with your phrasing.

That's my least favorite kind of standoff..

He was promoted.

Boom dead

I haven't left, convince me to.