Sometimes my cat will whine and try to get in my lap, but if I pick him up and put him there he leaps off. It's only good if he climbs up himself.

I will perform a flying leap from half way across the room, them sink all of my claws in to your thigh so as to execute a flawless landing upon that fleshy perch. Your sudden, and entirely unwarranted, yelp and twitch will then perturb me enough that I must leap off, again using all my claws for maximum grip. I shall give you an irritated glance and then stalk off.

For my cat:

Making biscuits on my dick and balls well I wince from occasional claws. Instead of laying down, they just jump off and walk away.

Number 3:
I spontaneously become Kali, the goddess of relentless war and saber-toothed fury.
You don't even have time to realize what has hit you.