Especially the last one.

I always match a customer’s energy right back at them. I love it when a really rude customer asks where another department is, because we have massive fucking signs you could see from a mile away clearly labeling where every department is. They’re huge, bold, and have lights shining on them. The most obvious signage ever. Anyway, any time a rude customer asks, I always get a little excited to get to say something around the lines of “see the massive brown sign that says “bakery” on it? Yeah, that’s the bakery.” Or “if you’ll turn your head slightly to the left, you’ll notice a huge red sign that says “meat” on it. That’s where you’ll find the meat.”

Of course, if the customer is nice, I’ll always be as helpful as I can be, and skip the attitude. But sometimes it’s fun to do that to the rude customers. Someone else I work with doesn’t even try to help the rude ones, and will just be like “well did you actually look? I saw you come straight over here. I obviously don’t have that. Maybe open your eyes and try to find it yourself instead of relying on someone else to look for you.” Again, only to the rude ones. If they’re nice (or even neutral) there’s no attitude, just a direct answer.

You forgot "they'll slowly drain your life essence and reduce your lifespan".

I learned never to agree with a customer when a woman complained about how fat her husband was, he wasn't even around, I just nodded in agreement with her.

I was written up because she claimed I called her husband fat.

This is how I deal with people that approach me in seedy parts of town - Beggars, pushers, women of the night and random weirdos.

Even the last one is on point.

The Fae: Fuck! They're catching on!