Does it count if it's the parent of my kid? When our daughter was around 1yo my ex-wife got mad at her for being too selfish. I found her pouting not wanting anything to do with our 1yo because she was "not nice to her". That really opened my eyes to her personality.

I'm gay but like, the kind that almost got murdered in the 90s for coming out in a rural high school (I know Judy Shepard well). Fast forward to my mom telling me she's conservative in every way "except she belongs to the log cabin republicans" and I just lost it. "God gave you a gay kid so you could realize everything else they're saying is a lie, too, but you're too stupid to get that."

And that's when I suddenly realized she had been outright abusive and manipulative my whole life, and it was just this idea of a perfect mom that clouded my vision on it. She weaponized her kids against our dad, his family, anyone she didn't like. Because she was too much of a victim to fight her own fights. Emotional incest. Lots of therapy fodder.

I heard him shout to someone else that he didn’t care about me or my siblings. Today, the feeling is mutual.

My father was pretty draconic. No time for friends, no time for extra curriculars, no time for homework (he didn't believe in public education, which caused its own problems), because there was always something to do: my chores, my siblings' chores, home improvement projects, random "educational" outings that were mostly just me sitting in the car. Not to mention the verbal and physical abuse, leaving me on the side of the road to "scare me straight", making me live in a tent in the backyard for a while.

I tried to be the bigger person after I moved out and practice hippy-dippy radical forgiveness. Unfortunately, he's a malignant narcissist and even when he realized he had no leverage anymore and had to behave, he was still a really really bad influence. The more time I spent with him, the more his traits rubbed off on me. I had to cut him off entirely because it became too much.

She got drunk and was crying about her regret about not aborting me. She came from a larger family and wanted more kids than she ended up having, but my dad's personal limit was 2-3 kids — and kid number three was only to try for a daughter if kid number 2 ended up being another boy. Me being a girl meant that she could only have two kids, and the fact that I was pretty fucked up means that she felt like she'd "wasted" a kid on me, so to speak

I don't blame my mum for having these thoughts, as awful as they may be. At the time, I had not long since been diagnosed with autism, and my mental health was pretty awful too, which must've been a lot of stress for a parent to handle. What I do blame her for is being deeply depressed and having her teenage daughter be her primary (and basically only) emotional outlet.

Whilst I am theoretically open to having a relationship with her in future, if she ever got sober (though that seems unlikely I'd learn of her being sober, as I went No Contact with her years ago), I'll never be able to forget how much she hurt me. She wasn't the root cause of my mental health problems, but she certainly made them a hell of a lot worse. And given that she never remembered the stuff she said when she was this drunk, I'll never get the closure of a genuine apology.

What's especially tragic about my mum is that she's actually pretty well adjusted, considering the awful childhood she had. The main thing she wanted from life was to be a mum, and to do a better job than her own mum had. I do think she achieved that, and there are so many things that I feel appreciative of her for. Unfortunately, no amount of good can make up for the hurt that she caused when she'd get drunk and pile her grief onto me. Most of the time her drunken tears were far less hurtful, but it's still a heavy burden to put on an already struggling teenager.

It's a shame, because I think she could've been an incredible parent if she'd been able to get therapy in the few years after she moved out but before she fell pregnant.

Despite countless requests to not, they sent me to a parochial school where I was physically and sexually abused.

During covid my dad would not wear a mask willingly.

It shattered my perception of him, that probably will not ever go back to what it was.

Buying a brand new car when I didn’t have a bed to sleep on

Choosing to invite my Jan 6er uncle to family events knowing I would never break break with an insurrectionist traitor.

First, I stopped attending family events. Eventually went no contact. Now my happiest recent memory of my mom is when my daughter couldn't remember her name.

Sent me a registered letter requesting I reply in kind and explain why he should keep talking to me.

20 years later he had no regrets, saw nothing wrong with what he said and did. Thinks we should carry on from where left off. He is also now disappointed with me because I never told him I have another kid. He wanted nothing to do with my other two but I should run around seeking his approval.

Showed me his dick multiple times.

My mom poured bleach into the enclosures of my brother's pet tarantulas when she was kicking him out over laundry or something.

He's a better person than i cause he still cares about her

Used the fact that he named me after himself to commit fraud using my name.

my dad basically told me how disappointed he was in me when he died.

because i didn't play high school football.

i was 30.

he was a weird bitter dude, really hung up on sports and a lot of trivial nonsense. only thing he ever seemed to enjoy in life was cruises and gambling.

My mom told me that she heard my soon-to-be-wife say some really horrible things about her and my kids behind my back.

Whatever she thought that would accomplish didn't work, because I had already told my wife to start recording her interactions with my mom. (Clearly not my first rodeo)

Mom wasn't real happy when I told her I'd listen to the audio.

going into my backpack and stealing my HRT while i was in the shower, and refusing to give it back

It wasn't just one big thing (although there were plenty of those), it was death by 1000 cuts. In the end it was something relatively small. I asked her to remove me from her regular right-wing email blasts and she refused to do so. What kind of asshole refuses to do something so small for a complete stranger, much less a family member? A malignant narcissist asshole.

If you haven't read up on narcissistic family systems there's a lot of good content out there. Here's a short article.

• entering my flat multiple times without my consent/knowledge and not leaving when asked to (thanks for the 3h meltdown where I was completly locked inside my brain and couldnt do anything but repeat a few words over and over and rock back and forth on the couch, really liked that one)

• ignoring obvious signs of mental/neurological issues in their child (because somehow children cant have those??)

• treating our relationship as something transactional

• forcing me to do activities i really dont want to, trying to argue away my fears and thinking they "won" after i shut up

I might talk to them again if they write a letter apologizing for atleast something. I havent told them this and i realise that its kind of unfair to set a condition that the other party doesnt know about, but if they dont come to this conclusion themselves then it doesnt feel genuine to me. It really sucks because I have no other people to rely on (emotional and material) but it also kind of was like that before I stopped talking to them, because every favour needs to be repaid or might be used in an argument against me and every fear and concern is argued away.

edit: oh and i realise that some of this is my fault because i really am sometimes difficult to deal with and very stubborn and i try to take responsibility, but at the same time it often feels like I have to work with both of my hands tied behind my back and I wasnt given the tools as a child to do better.

Told my friend that he's like the son he never had, in front of me.

I’m reading this at the moment. It sounds like you might have active abuse rather than detached neglect (which I believe is also abuse).

This stuff impacts us and those around us in the future. From personal experience it’s well worth talking to a pro about it.

My mom was similar. The worst thing that happened was I was assaulted by a stranger at age 4, I happily told her about it as part of my day, I had no idea anything bad happened because he told me he was a doctor. She understandibly lost her shit and that scared me, she started calling me stupid and how could I let this happen and on and on. As an autistic kid obsessed with being good, it completely shattered me. I was never able to trust her with anything ever again. One traumatic event broke the relationship in that way for good. Her narcissistic bullshit, like what you've described, is what broke the rest of it as well as gave me a good case of cPTSD.

I was broke and hungry in college. My mother had already told me not to ask her for money, but I called anyway, hoping maybe my gran could help. My mother screamed at me and hung up.

I didn't take action on this for another thirty years.