I know a girl who thinks it goes. she'll make you breakfast. she'll make you toast. but she don't use butter, and she don't use cheese. she don't use jelly or any of these

she uses vaseline

Wounds heal best when they’re kept moist, (something tattoo artists have known about for a long time, as they always suggest keeping lotion on a healing tattoo) and traditional gauze bandaging actively dries out wounds. This prevents effective healing and causes additional scarring.

Stop the bleeding, and then smear a bit of Vaseline on top of the wound before putting a bandage on to cover it. The Vaseline will prevent the bandage from drying out the wound, allowing it to heal faster and with less scarring.

Oh dear I love the stuff.

Skin LOVES it

MUCH better than aloe for sunburn

Lubricates and protects basically any metal, rubber or plastic

Stays slick when giving a massage

EDIT:

For the gents in the house, apply liberally to prevent any "sticking" throughout the day. Baby powder also works and is probably better for humid climates

Applying liberally to the orifice.

Not that orifice. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I meant a camera lens. uwu

To hide the wheels on the rig of your sci-fi hovering speeder, of course.

In that movie where that guy kisses his sister. 👉👈

um lip balm?

Protecting industrial components from corrosion

It lets you use a snorkel mask with a mustache. (Clean the mask well though, it will destroy the plastic)

Waterproofing PCBs

Putting a layer just inside your nostrils to catch pollen and help with hayfever

A thin layer on new car battery posts when you put a new one in to help protect from corrosion. Cheaper than the anti-corrosion spray and you probably have some lying around.

Chapped lips

To quiet a squeaking hinge after misplacing my wd-40

Favourite perfume is too expensive for everyday use? Spray a few pumps into a 150ml of vaseline, mix thoroughly, check if the smell is strong enough, add a few pumps if necessary.

Your perfume now lasts a LOT longer.

Apply the vaseline mixture to the usual spots (wrists, neck etc..)

Sealing a rubber gasket

makes stainless steel extra shiny. we used to coat machines in it when we went to fairs to show them off.

• Holding mechanical parts together during assembly, for example some parts in automatic transmissions. It dissolves in the transmission fluid and doesn't impair it's performance or clog anything like greases could.
• Packing a replacement oil-pump with it to effectively pre-prime it so it pumps oil as soon as you start the engine it's attached to.

Put in papercuts for instant relief

If you're in a dry climate, it's useful to coat the inside of your nose with vaseline to keep it from drying out.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

like, when your head gets stuck in a bannister or a suitcase handle or whatever

Home made matches. Cut a strip of cardboard and dip the end in vasoline …light it. It’s flammable

putting it on fresh tattoos

I use it before a long run to prevent chaffing. Its not glamorous, but it works great.

Not sure if it qualifies for being a "good" use of Vaseline, but you can make emergency candles with it.

Eat it

Mix it with human hair to make model animals that you then eat for your actually surprisingly unentertaining late-nineties MTV chat show.