While I definitely think kids make relationships harder (I'm CF, for reference), a lot of people in already shitty relationships try a band-aid baby

Because they're dumb, but also because they're desperate.

It's a shit reason to have a kid, but I think this statistic, while accurate, doesn't reflect the fundamentals underpinning why some people breed

lol

The stat is from parents of a newborn. Of fucking course they said it was hard and the parents’ relationship during the most difficult stage of parenthood. This is about as revelatory a stat as “Most couples say at least one additional person is living in their house after childbirth.”

The first 2 years are really hard and absolutely stress a relationship. You have so little sleep you end up not really remembering it too well and that's why people have more than one baby.

I personally believe a large part of this is how shitty lots of dads are. I have seen far too many fellow dads who did almost nothing to help with the baby after the baby was born. I know one case where the dad took out multiple weeks in parental leave and mostly spent it on playing video games instead of helping his wife with the baby. Of course that would ruin a relationship. If you were both healthy and had easy going lives then maybe you never really had to depend on each other before and this may be the first point where you actually NEED your partner. And if that partner then doesn't step up you of course would start feeling resentful.

We had a non bandaid kid and have been happier, but also poorer and more tired. It’s a mix, but our kid is turning into a really good person and helper, and hopefully will be one of the corrective forces of the future.

Seems obvious to anyone who has kids.

IMO its a time thing. There's never any time for just you, let alone your partner.

Right after pushing a person out into the world? Of course that's not a relationship help. I was terrified of sex and then nursing tanked my usually high sex drive. Completely. But it's a happy time overall, or was for us, though we had healthy kids and easy time nursing so some of the things that can cause additional stress were not present.

Overall I'd say it was a help, we were happier together for longer than we would have been otherwise. And also I feel like the relationship got me something because now I have all these adult kids who are interesting and nice people.

Disclaimer: the above is not advice. Live your own life and don't have kids if you don't want kids, don't let anyone pressure you in any direction on that.

In my personal ancedotal experience it's 50/50, and I'm wiling to bet the one that didn't work out would have been fine if I had not joined the army.