this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2023
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I wish it wasn’t so hard to keep doing this shit every day. I sometimes wish that pickup truck killed me when he hurled me from my bike. He took away my strength, my power and my body from me. I used to be so strong and now I can barely hobble to my desk everyday. I hate it. I hate my weak and terrible body and despite all my hard work I have to accept this is as good as it ever gets. Maybe it’s not worth the effort. Maybe I should just give up. Who would even care if I did?

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

I know it can be easy to believe nobody cares. I know it can feel pointless to even try anymore. I've been there. Reach out to those around you - tell them you need help. Amit that you're not ok. I know, it's scary. And sometimes they might not seem to care. But you'll find someone who cares about you, somebody who gives you a reason. I did. It took forever, I went for years believing I was better off dead because of the trauma I'd been through, the damage from abuse. But people do care, no matter what you've been through. The world is cruel, uncaring, unjust. But humanity is the only thing that changes that. And even though we stray from the ideal of what we think life should be - even though there is still great suffering - there is hope. I care about you. I don't even know who you are, and you don't know me. But I care about your life, I hope you push through the suffering. We might agree and get along. We might be on opposites in our ideology, we might disagree, we might even hate every ounce of what the other stands for. But there is purpose to your life. There is a purpose for all of us. It may be hard to find - it may only be what we make of life. But it is there, and it is found in other people. It took hearing that from someone else to finally understand that. I still need to hear it often. But keep living, even when it seems hopeless. Even one more moment of joy is worth the suffering. I've been there. I've had years of pain since I tried to end it. But I've also had moments of love, of joy, of connection to those around me, that are worth every moment of pain. Reach out to those around you. Just talk to them. It's hard, I know. But once you make connections with others, once you have someone to lean on, things will get better. The pain never goes away. Trauma never leaves completely. Legs don't heal, scars don't fade. But the people in your life can make it all worth living. Because, ultimately, even one moment of joy, of contentment, of love, defies all the laws of nature in something only human life can create. That is the value of living.