There will soon be a schism between Protestantism and Burger Protestantism. The True Faithful are singing songs of praise, martyring themselves in front of His house. We will see an era of purity and dollar menu abundance once again.

our national hero

i'm not standing for Ronald McDonald (i'm not standing in general unless its to hit concessions, which by the way, remains open during the bullshit pledge while a bunch of rubes will stand around with their hands on their hearts. we're in the concourse motherfucker i'm trying to get some nachos get out of the way)

also by the way the last baseball game i went to there wasn't a single place in the VERY FAMOUS STADIUM to get nachos. even the two stadium employees i asked were like "oh you want nachos, like your standard ballpark nachos?? yeah we have those. they'd be in....." [looks at their map] "oh....i guess we DON'T have nachos anymore"

????? if i can't get some plastic bright yellow cheese and the worst corn chips you've had what the fuck is the point of baseball. anyways i got a pretzel instead and was very unhappy about it because i was so high & had been thinking about the nachos since i got to the stadium

nachos

update: i just looked up their concessions guide because I wanted to post an image about how it goes from 'Lobster Rolls' to 'Peanuts', completely skipping over N for Nachos but THEY ACTUALLY HAVE SEEMINGLY ADDED THEM BACK??? (the old lady gate attendant who I had asked was also very confused about the lack of nachos but promised me they'd probably return...and they have....thank you Fenway thank you Sandra I'll be back)

Got a solid laugh out of me

You wanna know how I got these stars [and stripes]?

If this was in an episode of The Boys I'd call it hack writing.

Ngl he do be hitting those notes tho

This is a serious country, now stand and salute for the national anthem sung by burger clown

Y'all gonna go see Ronald McDonald singing at ol' Heil Hitler Field?

To be perfectly honest this is exactly what I expected

Ronald sings the hits.