Please post again after your ordeal, OP.

....You're gonna try to ship yourself to Timbuktu, aren't you.

What the fuck?

If it's important you can easily just not eat for three days. Otherwise, there's nothing you can eat that will be safe and prevent you from pooping.

I have fasted for three straight days on many occasions and it was pretty easy for me. Drinking zero-calorie beverages (coffee, tea, water) should be fine. This is not professional medical advice and definitely do not do this if you are an alcoholic, diabetic, or pregnant. Once you break the fast, do so with moderation.

Truly an amazing post that needs a follow-up. We wait eagerly for the results of this journey. You crazy motherfucker lmfao

MREs. Particularly US MREs. You can eat em as much as you want and you won't have to go for a week.

Fear the end of the week, however

I'm imagining you shipping yourself in a crate to another country and wanting to avoid getting poo all over you 🤣

To answer the actual question, cheese and meat.

I've heard that Robert Zemeckis is interested in your story. He mentioned something about filming "Pooped Away"...

Define "illegal". Like, marijuana is legal for recreational use in my state. I'm looking forward to some edibles when I get home, hahah

Hard boiled eggs. Astronauts love them because they are almost completely absorbed and pooping in space is a hassle.

Good luck mailing yourself out of the country.

Tbf, there's a difference between knowing instinctively that someone poops and being first-hand witness to the godawful stench of post-chipotle bowel movement in an area with poor air circulation (AC aside).

Crush is definitely involved though.

I'm guessing you're going backcountry or to a festival of some kind. I sympathize but using an outhouse or potta potty isn't bad, it's just a mental block. You'll enjoy yourself a lot more when you do things normally.

Why do you need this?

Breast milk has very few undigestible solids. Just saying.

Just use the MRE's you've no doubt been issued for beast week and stop complaining. Also hide your phone trainee, the MTI's are coming.

Cheese.

1 word: pancakes. Nature's cork.

I don't have anything to add, I just wanna be part of this.