I (18nb/18m) have been friends with Karl (18m/maybe 19m now) since freshman year. We had been seated together in science class on the first day and really hit it off since then. Karl also has bad social anxiety and already had when I met him, so he only really talked to and trusted me.

Later on in freshman year, I had a friend group with a guy I’ll call Liam, and Karl asked if he could join it because he was looking for friends but was painfully shy so would only befriend Liam’s group if I was there with him. Karl and Liam got close pretty quickly.

I had unrequited feelings for Liam at the time, but thought nothing of it when he and Karl started to get close until Liam told me he was attracted to Karl, and that he was going to confess to him soon. Of course, I was happy for him but was also trying to hide my jealousy. When Liam confessed to Karl, he said yes, and for a while, I knew Karl was interested in him as he told me “I think I’m straight mostly, but I’d totally go out with Liam if he asked me out.”

Liam and Karl dated for the entirety of freshman year, but Karl is also quite Christian along with his family, so he always kind of had internalized homophobia which got worse through the years. Coupled with his anxiety, Liam said it never really felt like Karl was actually into him besides the fact that he would hug Liam and tell him he loved him. They broke up during the beginning of sophomore year because it didn’t feel to Liam like Karl liked him.

Perhaps this would be the first red flag, but I confessed to Liam eventually since we started to hit it off and he told me he was bi, and he said “Sorry, you’re not my type. I’m not into shy guys with… disabilities.” (I’m neurodivergent) I said okay and cried but was into him for all of freshman year and part of sophomore.

After they broke up, Karl and Liam were fine, but towards the end of junior year, started acting very weird towards Liam and avoiding him, so I thought they got into a fight. Liam then started to take photos of Karl and post them online along with his address or phone number depending on the post because “Karl is an ass and none of you should be friends with him”.

Karl never knew about this and I didn’t find out about the address thing until recently. I asked Karl at the beginning of senior year why he was acting this way towards Liam, and Karl told me “because Liam’s weird and we don’t have anything in common”. I did not further question anything.

Later on, Karl became somewhat attached to me and would spend a lot of time with me. He made a joke that I was his wife and that we should get married and live together, which I took as just that: a joke.

We started to hang out more, Karl would compliment me a lot (I’d do likewise) and we’d help each other with work, but we could never hang out because he had sports. Before I turned 18, I realized one night I couldn’t stop thinking about him and even had a dream about him. I suddenly found him sexy as hell.

I started questioning whether or not I liked him, and later realized, “Of course I do!”. I remember one time, which I posted about, he called me cute. I also realized he always seemed to treat me slightly differently than others, but I didn’t know if it was because of my condition or because of another reason. He would be very flirty and touchy with most people, for example, but never me.

He would sometimes be moody, somehow forget when I had partners in the past (he forgot I had a girlfriend), and get especially moody on the subject of romance. I also realized even though he was sad when I broke up with her, he started to compliment me more and be nice after the fact.

Now, he’s being moody again. When we work together, he’ll be nice and help me, but sometimes he’ll be very snippy and rude. He’ll boss me around, tell me he doesn’t like me, or treat me like his pet, but then he’ll be normal toward me. He also seems to have brought me up quite a few times to his parents and is not at all opposed to us hanging out when he can.

With his rude behavior, I don’t even know if I like him that way anymore, but I’m still curious as to how he MAY feel about me.