Can we all agree that without context its hard to judge whether a disciplinary action is reasonable or not?
these are probably trolls. At one point quora had a "partner program" where people would get paid to post questions, but only if the questions got enough engagement. The question generators realized that coming up with interesting questions was kind of hard, so they just started pouring out ragebait.
If it's too obvious people may realize it's a troll, so the ideal way to do it is phrase it in a vague way that leaves a lot to the imagination (here for example people can easily make the assumption that you're an idiotic and boneheaded parent)
They don't care about the cause they are promoting. They say these things as strategy. It's about utilizing peoples emotions to encourage them and lead them, regardless of side. It gaslights the left and they want that. It emboldens the right extremism and they want that. It divides and occupies the minds of people creating pawns that do work for them, even if that work is just talking about and "fighting against" it. It's all just social manipulation. ...because they know exactly how to socially guide and manipulate. They know the typical responses they will get from people and can utilize each response for their cause.
Wrong post, lol
I got so confused until I read the last part 😂
wrong thread, but well said!
Enjoy being able to see or speak to her for two more years I guess.
I've known parents who removed doors from their kids' rooms because they don't want the kid to lock them out.
Not as uncommon as you'd think.
I removed my daughters door for a week because she wouldn't stop slamming it, even after having to pay for the second replacement out of her allowance. I hung a blanket across the door frame. She still slams it every once in a while when she's mad, but no where near as often, and now her door has a lock.
I know parents who removed the door from their kid's room because she was playing with matches in her room.
I mean, I'd have removed the matches.
The Russians used a pencil.
Do their kids still talk to them?
I had friends who's parents did that when we were kids. They moved as far as they physically could as soon as they turned 18.
Do their kids still talk to them?
Some, yeah. Others, no, but typically for more pronounced reasons.
Really depends on how financially independent the kid managed to get from the parents. You'd be surprised what someone will put up with to stay in a rich family's good graces, particularly when they themselves failed to launch
My father did this at one point. None of his kids talk to him, no.
It's completely idiotic because internal door locks, the kind in the knob, have a little hole that you can use a tool to unlock it from the outside. I think it's meant for in case of emergency, but the point is they're trivially easy to unlock.
The parents are more likely control freaks.
You could also just remove the knob and the door still functions for the most part. It’s actually harder to take the whole door off
a window was open in the house and I accidentally shut the door too loudly one time and my door was removed for ~~weeks~~ months (there was no history of me slamming doors, I think punishment for the sake of punishment was the point)
no privacy for changing, sleeping, etc. - it was stressful
EDIT: I just remembered it was more than weeks, it was months - I had journal entries about wondering when I would ever get my door back.
I had no knowledge of how common grounding by door removal was until today
The first thing my mom did when we moved into our house when I was 8 was take my door off it's hinges. It wasn't even a punishment, I just wasn't allowed to have one, i just got a curtain. My dad installed a door on my room when I was 17, two weeks before I moved away for college, because it was about to become the guest room, and wouldn't it be weird if the guest room didn't have a door?
Yea my parents did that. I didn't want to spend time with them because they were abusive assholes (why yes, CPS were called!), but apparently that meant there was something wrong with me, so they took the door off my room so I couldn't have a safe space from the constant screaming and violence. Guess who swung hard Trumpy antivaxx Q believers in 2016?
Did they also punch a hole in the wall when it was hot instead of opening a window? Locks can be removed from doors.
My parents just ensured the lock on the door knob had a slit on the outside so you could stick anything in there and rotate to unlock it. Half the time, they just used a long fingernail or the edge of a coin. It didn't require much effort.
They'd still get mad at me for locking my bedroom door and would threaten to remove the door if I kept locking it, but it took them maybe 10 seconds to open it without tools.
They never followed through on the threat; I kept my bedroom door all throughout my childhood.
Parents do this as punishment and it’s insane to me
I lost my door as a child several times but it was always for slamming it when I was upset.
In hindsight I feel it was reasonable but it's all in how it's done. I'd lose it for a couple days to a week at most and only after being warned.
For me it was also pre-puberty/young adult years, when I was 8-10 years old.
I mean look, there are a lot of parents and kids out there, and I’m sure there are cases where it was neutral or maybe even slightlypositive. But man…that just strikes me as a recipe for utter disaster in the form of shattering trust. I’ve actually spent a fair bit of time looking into studies/insight from the behavioral health world on this matter, and the general consensus seems to be that it’s a profoundly terrible idea.
Your parents did the best they could and probably even did a great job, this is not judgment. But just like when people say “my parents hit me when I was a kid and I turned out fine,“ we need to really dig a little deeper and look at more than anecdotes of people saying “well I turned out fine.“ And to be very clear, I think parents hitting their kids is far worse than removing the door from their room. But I think you understand what I’m driving at here
If "my parents did it to me and I turned out fine" was your takeaway from my comment then I failed to communicate my point or you misunderstood, or both. It was more that context and circumstances also need to be considered. I did turn out ok, I think, but that's because of a lot of work I put in during my adulthood to really work on my growth and reflect on my behavior continuously to learn and grow.
As a difficult child who did not handle their emotions well I would slam my door when I got upset and was warned repeatedly not to or I would lose it. Then when I didn't listen and slammed it anyway I would suffer the consequences of my actions but only for a short period. It was fundamentally no different than having a toy or privilege taken away.
My parents also spanked me but I would never do that if I had children because I know it doesn't work. My parents did make mistakes and they, my mom at least directly, have acknowledged that and voiced their regret.
In OPs example it's out of line to take a door away because they are 16 years old and don't seem to be using it as an appropriate consequence for the child's actions. As an 8-10 year old child who also put their foot through a wall twice in the same spot, threw a ping pong paddle at their brother so hard it put a hole in the wall, and would slam the door so hard it would shake pictures on the wall being warned of the consequence of my continued misbehavior and then facing those consequences was, in my opinion, appropriate. I learned not to slam my door and to control my emotions and express them in a more healthy and less destructive way.
I'm sure there are other, some maybe better, techniques however we all learn from the mistakes of our parents so we can screw our children up in new and unique ways while avoiding what they did.
That is not all I took away from it. I feel like I was actually pretty extensive in my explanation for why I objected to the practice. It has been studied and behavioral health experts advise against it.
I understand why they chose your door, but that doesn’t mean it was a good decision. There are plenty of other things they could take away. There isn’t some rule that you have to specifically take away the thing that is the source of the problem. Are parents supposed to not feed their kid if they keep dropping food on the ground on purpose? No, that would be a terrible idea.
Slam your door? OK, you can’t go out with your friends tonight. Slam it again? Alright no TV for the weekend. These are pretty standard practices. Most parents do not remove doors for this reason, so clearly there are viable alternatives that don’t potentially harm the emotional and mental development of your children in a pretty well understood way. my son really likes Mario kart, so I typically just take away video games when he won’t stop really bad behavior.
Just because it makes sense to you doesn’t mean it’s a sensible idea.
Just because it makes sense to you doesn’t mean it’s a sensible idea.
Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it's not a sensible idea.
It has been studied and behavioral health experts advise against it.
The same behavioral experts I was taken to by my parents? The ones who helped them implement a "family contract" that resulted in one of the most miserable parts of my childhood? The "family contract" that made me resent my parents for many years?
Maybe, just maybe, behavioral health experts are a reflection of the times and their society and because it's fallen out of favor doesn't mean it's bad or doesn't work, just that it's not accepted practice any longer.
Unlike you I didn't make a statement of fact without supporting evidence. I offered up my own, personal, direct experience and how it affected me along with my opinion that context and situation should be a consideration.
I laugh if you think taking away video games or no tv would have worked to stop me from slamming the door. Unsurprisingly, of all the things my parents tried, removing the door so I couldn't slam it was the effective solution.
That is one of the most obvious trolls I've ever seen.
Pay attention to the "voices" people use. Someone who actually does something like that is highly unlikely to frame it in such a way. They chose their words very specifically to elicit a desired emotion in the reader.
My parents did this and claimed it was normal and to "ask your friends at school" I did, and they said it was abuse. She didn't change her mind.
Yes but this is actually a thing parents do
looks like she needs more a-door-ing parents.
i wish i could personally buy that girl an axe so she can hack to pieces every other door in the entire house so her dipshit parent can experience how much it sucks to not have doors.
If you did then also give her training so she doesn't take her own limbs off, or worse.
https://images.app.goo.gl/Sh6R4rbsr2bXRnS5A ... or, maybe not. :-)
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