So, this is a very complicated story and actually I feel like I'd have to write a book to explain it all. I'll keep it short and leave out a ton. I was severely bullied in school since grade one due to a skin condition. It doesn't matter which, it was very visible, all over my body. Teachers did nothing. It was the nineties in a small little village in the middle of nowhere. In third grade one teacher ask me why I don't take medicine or cover up with make-up so I wouldn't get bullied. My parents didn't do anything either, not even take me to a doctor.

In 7th grade my condition had gotten better, but now I was bullied for my clothes. My parents were horrible and didn't allow me to buy my own clothes, if I did I'd find it cut to pieces shortly after. My skin was also still not good, though not as severe. So I was bullied for dressing weirdly and for having bad skin. However in 7th grade I became part of a friendship group of 4. All outsiders for various reasons. And life was Ok. I still got bullied the most out of us four because of my skin. I was told to hide it with makeup and when I said I can't wear makeup due to allergic reactions the bullies said to "tough it out", because "noone wants to see that". I just stuck to our group and tried to ignore them. However in hindsight I feel like the other three never took the bullying seriously, since they were never the target. They were just more or less outsiders because they weren't interested in fashion, party etc.

One of the four was Lydia. Lydia didn't fit in because she was from an ultraconservative family and wasn't allowed to do many things. However, during our last two years of school her parents became less strict after her oldest brother moved out and cut contact at 18. She started hanging out with the others, going to parties etc. During our last few weeks I was repeatedly the butt of jokes. And she started defending my bullies, saying it's not that serious.

There was a kind of yearbook where everybody wrote comments about the classmates. The ones about me were all along the lines of "doesn't know what a shower is" "Someone please teach her about soap" and some nasty nicknames mocking my hobby I didn't even know they had for me. I've tried so often to defend myself and explain my skin condition and that it's genetic, yet up to the very last day everybody kept bullying me saying I'm dirty and disgusting.

I talked about it with my three friends and said I wanted to protest and have it taken out before the yearbook gets printed. (The list with everybodies comments had circled before printing.) Lydia told me I'm sensitive, that I shouldn't take it so serious and I shouldn't censor all critism of me. I was so shocked by her saying that. She used to be on my side.

Shortly after we graduated she moved away and didn't stay in contact. I tried a few times, said I could come visit her one day, but at first I only got one-sentence-answers, later nothing. I sent her a small gift and card on her first birthday after graduation, she replied with a short thanks, sent me a generic textmessage on my birthday and we never spoke again.

Now someone wants to organize the 20 year reunion of our highschool class. I was added to a whatsapp group - not sure where they got my number from - and Lydia contacted me. The usual small talk. How's life been, how many kids, yadada. I way shocked enough to be suddenly added to that group. It brought back so many bad memories, I wanted to cry, I wanted to write into the group how I wish they'd all die the most horrible, painful death. I didn't, I just left the group without any comment. I did answer Lydia and am doing the small talk, but inside all I want to ask is "how could you betray me like that? Why did you do that to me?"

I mean I guess I know the answer. I stayed losely in contact with another member of our group. A few month after graduation the topic came up and she said she didn't think I was bullied, because I "could have just covered up with makeup like they said I should and worn more fashionable clothes". Since I didn't, I chose to be ridiculed. I guess that would be the answer if I asked Lydia.

I don't know what kind of answer I'm expecting here, I'm just very confused and hurt and don't know how to behave. Ignore her? Block her? Ask her about it? Would that change anything? It would hurt so much if she just told me I was never bullied and I'm sensitive or asked for it. I don't know has anyone got advise? Has anyone who was bullied been in a similar position? What would you do?