I mean, you're not a dick, but it will come across that way. She may not have the support structure behind her to be ABLE to get any free time away from the kids. Sometimes this can alienate women and kill any social outlets they have - which is why married couples becomes so introverted after years of marriage. You've gotta look out for your own life, so do what you want - but I'm not sure there's anything you can do 100% that will make her for sure understand.

No you aren't and you could just respectfully decline for personal reasons.

If you want to be the best person, offer to cover a babysitter (if you're able).

I have a family friend who comes over with her 2 kids sometimes and it's not so bad. Alternatively, if you want to catch up more personally than you can over text, but without dealing with a meetup with kids, you might suggest a voice phone call. Phone calls are sort of a lost technology but they still are better than text or email for some kinds of things. If you do the phone call, be honest about why.

NTA yet. You're not an asshole if you think that way, but you could be depending on how you act

If you suggested a kid free meetup and they said they would bring the kids anyway then the conversation is over - if you tell them you don't want anything to do with their kids then they will think YTA and you won't catchup, which is worse than now where you just won't catchup

Maybe just tell them you're going somewhere kids can't come like a bar, and politely decline any offers to meetup elsewhere

I think I need more details. Why can’t they find childcare? Single mom? No family?

It’s fine to prefer no distractions but at a certain point, you need to meet people where they are.

There’s probably a polite way to suggest something like “I’d love to meet up but maybe we could do it during your lunch break at work so we don’t have distractions.”

Maybe I'm biased but my two cents is no. Not at all.

I think people who impose their kids on others are the assholes.

The thing with new parents is that they are, in my experience, completely devoid of any personality they used to have. They may have been fun people at some point, but once they get pregnant, it's pretty much all they can talk about.

I've got some close friends who are on the cusp of becoming parents but my wife and I have made it quite clear we are not at all interested in that part of their lives. And they accept that.

Especially seeing as how you've not spoken to this person for some time, 'catching up' is out of the question if children are involved. Unless they're passed out or whatever. It seems to me this person is just looking for an excuse to talk about their children for a couple of hours while you politely nod and agree. For them, the best case scenario is that you're as happy to be around those kids as they are.

I think you can set boundaries if you are not looking forward to meeting with the kids around.

These responses are as varied as you can get

No you're totally reasonable lol

Not unless you want to be babysitting them one day.

I actually would love to meet my best friend's kids. I haven't seen him in person since he got married (he lives 2 states away), and I wanna see how much his kids are like him 🤣

Maybe look at it from a different perspective: You could get through a single afternoon with her and her kids; she has to be with the kids every single day and probably doesn't get to talk to old friends often.

Coffee is not good for babies, save the babies, don't meet her. Call child protection. I don't think she is your friend if she is giving her babies coffee.

Her kids - her problems, you don't have to deal with that.

Yes, you’re the arsehole. She’s not asking you to raise the kids, they’re just going to be there while you catch up. You don’t want to meet up with her because of the 2 most important things in her life, so I’d expect she won’t ask you again. Ever.