1271
Stop doing Computer Science (feddit.de)
submitted 3 years ago by to c/programmer_humor@programming.dev
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[–] 133 points 3 years ago (13 children)

This could be so much longer.

Killing children, class systems, so many programming language names, the ridiculous ways equality and order-of-operations are done sometimes. Plenty of recursion jokes to be made. Big O notation. Any other ideas?

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  • [–] 37 points 3 years ago (5 children)

    GOTO

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  • [–] 42 points 3 years ago (4 children)

    GOTO is the only thing that makes sense. It's the "high-level" concepts like for-loops, functions and list comprehension that ruined programming.

    series.append(series[k-1]+series[k-2]) for k in range(2,5)]

    RAVINGS DREAMT UP BY THE UTTERLY DERANGED

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  • [–] 15 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    I started coding with TurboBasic, which included the helpful innovation of GOTO {label} instead of GOTO {line number}, which allowed you to have marginally-better-looking code like:

    GOTO bob
    ...
    bob:
    {do some useless shit}
    return

    which meant you essentially had actual, normal methods and you didn't have to put line numbers in front of everything. The problem was that labels (like variables) could be as long as you wanted them to be, but the compiler only looked at the first two letters. Great fun debugging that sort of nonsense.

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  • [–] 11 points 3 years ago* (1 child)

    Masters and slaves

    Cloning

    Deploying code (that's what you do with soldiers!!!1)

    Using Git to rewrite history.

    Atomic values (like the bomb!)

    These people are madmen.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 years ago

    One of the slave node's child process failed, so the master node sent a signal to terminate the child and restart the slave

    There's pretty solid reason my research group is pushing to use "head node and executor nodes" nomenclature rather than the old-school "master node and slave nodes" nomenclature, haha

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    [+] 120 points 3 years ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (9 children)
    [deleted]
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  • [–] 28 points 3 years ago (6 children)

    Three years ago, yes. Now? not so much.

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  • [+] 12 points 3 years ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (5 children)
    [deleted]
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    [+] 46 points 3 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (7 children)
    [deleted]
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  • [–] 18 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    Depending on what your coworker actually intended to do, you might want to let them know that printers have features built in to make their output traceable, specifically intended for catching counterfeiters.

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  • [–] 12 points 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago)

    That's one of these things that sounds like a crazy conspiracy theory the first time you hear about it, but it's true

    Edit: haven't actually clicked the link. I mean the yellow dots which the printer makes which is directly traceable to your printer: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machine_Identification_Code

    Basically all printer manufacturers entered a secret contract with governments.

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    • [–] 34 points 3 years ago (9 children)

    I actually have that teapot and I use it several times a week.

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  • [–] 10 points 3 years ago (3 children)

    Beautiful teapot dude!

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  • [–] 14 points 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) (2 children)

    Thanks! In computer graphics it's referred to as the "Utah teapot" because the 3D model was created at the University of Utah. But it was originally a Melitta brand teapot. It is still manufactured by German company Friesland, which I bought it from.

    Unfortunately it appears they recently had a fire and their webshop is temporarily closed, but I think you can also get it off of Amazon.

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    [–] 28 points 3 years ago (3 children)

    Cat is a fluffy animal, not for reading shit

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    • [–] 25 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    Enough people have thought of while (true){ print(money); } for manufacturers to have built stuff into printers to prevent that, alas.

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    [–] 23 points 3 years ago (4 children)

    Can someone explain this joke to me

    "I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%"

    I understand everything apart from the "in a 0.02%". What does that mean? How can something be in a percentage?

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    • [–] 20 points 3 years ago* (7 children)

    Socrates said books were dumbing down humanity because, since people could just look things up in books they wouldn’t have to memorise information anymore, and that made their brains soft.

    Ever since society began, some people have been convinced the next generation’s technology was going to be society’s downfall, whether it was Socrates’ books, the telegraph in the 1800s, radio, the (land line) telephone, dishwashers (women will become lazy and unsuitable wives and mothers), screened windows (society will collapse because you won’t hear your neighbours and pedestrians on the street, we’ll all become hermits and die holed up in our homes), comic books would rot the brains of the youth, then music, then video games… it goes on and on.

    So far, those predictions have never been true. Every older generation freaks out when the ones after come of age. It’s like societal growing pains.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    I think this is one step further, that technology has become so abstract and complex that people who focus on different crafts and careers are using magical black boxes. It blows my mind how my neighbour goes through life without any concept of what a phone app is. He just uses functionality and memorized the associated logo. I'm an engineering wizard to him.

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    [–] 14 points 3 years ago (3 children)

    Increasing the CPU optimization by 0.02% does seem crazy to me. If you're going to spend time working on something, make it worthwhile. Also, isn't while(true) {print(money)} Microsoft, Apple and Amazon:s business model?

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    [–] 11 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    I bet ATMs would have a while true print money function

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    • [–] 11 points 3 years ago* (4 children)

    while{true}{print "money"};

    moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoney

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  • [–] 6 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoney

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    [–] 8 points 3 years ago

    Math professorss be like:

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    [–] 6 points 3 years ago* (3 children)

    I always wonder what the original post was. Something like "Stop doing science!" or some shit but seriously rather than sarcastically.

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    • [–] 6 points 3 years ago (4 children)

    To make things worse, that teapot doesn't have a bottom surface.

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