Stop Drinking

I will not drink with you today

resentment is the number one killer of alcoholics. we cannot afford the luxury of anger, no matter how justified. just replaying what happened in slow motion over and over in my head, getting angrier and unable to switch gears so I threw up a quick prayer, grant me the serenity etc, and it's mostly been removed I've calmed down a lot. dabbling with the adhd medication, dexedrine, has been extremely eye opening. I'm capable, functional, not wrapped in agony, anguish and turmoil. im still not prescribed but it's like everything is much clearer. I can sit down and read for an hour. I'm 31, the psychiatrist says, I think you may be adhd. mum says, oh I could've told you that. I glare and her mentally screaming, why didn't you. I just fucked up everything I went near for 30 years having no clue why I need to self medicate into blackouts every night and start every morning. I thought it was strictly ptsd and depression issues.

I'm diagnosed just not prescribed until I pee clean, it's hard to explain but 10mg makes me feel so normal, I can just blend in, talk to people, it's cut my cigarettes coffee and weed consumption in half, if I was already prescribed I would have no issue dropping weed forever. I have to stop self medicating for 6 weeks to get medicated. any way that's me I got a meeting tonight it's newcomers at the hospy so I'd rather get this out here. 3 months today woot love yas

IWNDWYT 😤