Asklemmy

My story is kind of boring, I apparently become very charismatic when crossfaded. I just had an amicable mutual breakup I was very sad about and somehow I convinced every girl in this pretty big college party to cuddle me and let me half-sleep on their thighs (these are people I barely know). So like imagine a long couch and me half-sleeping on 6 girls' laps. Everyone knows I'm a lesbo and I was in heaven there for a bit cause there was a lot of skin on skin contact

This is a bit embarrassing to me but obviously is very tame.

Room mate thought he was pissing in the bathroom. He was pissing onto a couch. A couch someone else was sleeping on.

In college, my roommate did the following one evening:

• Drank the better part of a case of beer
• Tried to get into a frat party but was rejected for being raucously drunk
• Punched his way through a wooden fence in frathouses's back yard and ran into the party, breaking his hand in the process
• Kicked in a hall closet door and found a can of black paint, opened it and threw it at a wall 3 feet in front of him
• Got thrown out of the party again, covered in black paint and returned to our apartment
• Woke me up looking like Ken Jeong from Community as a Dark Elf because he was having trouble taking his pants off (his boots were still on)
• Got really mad that I wouldn't help him so he committed another act of closet violence and ripped all the shelving of his own closet
• Called his ex-girlfriend and played the entirety of Amazed by Lonestar into her voicemail and yelled "Amazed at what a BITCH you are" at the end
• Fell asleep in his clothes which he profoundly soiled with blood, piss, vomit, and black paint.
• Woke up in the early morning to move to his bed, which received the same treatment
• Got up the next day and bought a Condolences for your Loss card which he signed and delivered to me.

He dropped out a few weeks later, joined the military, married his ex, and is apparently a sysadmin now.

Danced with my girlfriend's cousin, at a wedding reception. Girlfriend was already showing signs that she was done with me,and I was drinking double jack and cokes. We got into an argument and I decided I was going to walk home, 25 miles.

Reception was at a golf club. I woke up on one of the greens, a few hours after I left. Only made it a half mile away from the clubhouse.

Dropped my neck tie, phone and a pocket of change. Someone turned in my phone and tie...

Girlfriend and I didn't make it two more weeks.

One of us put a friend's dead cell phone in a VHS player and we looked for it for 8 days.

This was well into the time of Blu-Ray and DVD players.

I had just come home from a party at a neighbors apartment, on a mix of xanax, coke, weed, and alcohol- not blacked out, but close to the most fucked up I've ever been.

I laid down on the couch, and my roommate, who was apparently trying to talk to me, said "you're pretty faded, huh". Without responding verbally, I looked at her as I slowly and deliberately pushed a pile of her stuff off the edge of the couch with my feet, which made a loud crash on the floor. After a moment of stunned silence, staring back at me, she just goes "... okay"

It didn't click for me until the next day, and I was so embarrassed

Tried to do the worm, bruised my chin and bit my tongue in the process. Then I opened a beer (glass bottle) and broke the rim slightly in the process. My ex (no I don't mean she's my ex only now, she already was at the time) was there and I took a swig despite her protestations that it was sharp and would cut me. Immediately started bleeding from the lip, and she had to take me to the bathroom to clean me up. I don't know why she put up with me for as long as she did.

I used to hang around with this lad who was a bit of a knob, once we got a price off a taxi driver to take us from one pub to another or something, mate and the driver argued over him having a pint in the car, so we bailed and he threw his pint glass at the taxi. The taxi driver stalked us for an hour or so while we dived into ditches and stuff.