Off My Chest

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She’s right. [Last vent for a while, as far as I know] (self.goodoffmychest)

submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by permathrowaway to c/[email protected]

7 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’m a useless, pathetic dog. I’m a worthless creep who will never have value or amount to anything, just like she said.

Even the most accepting people hate me and throw me away in the end. They like my autistic friend more than me. They think I’m disgusting and never will forgive me for missing social cues.

If even the kindest people make me sad and give me mental problems, and even the kindest people hate me, then I must be a terrible person.

And the mental problems I currently have make me a terrible daughter. A terrible girlfriend who can’t be there for her boyfriend. A terrible person.

This will be the saddest way our relationship has to end. This time, it won’t be because they don’t get along, but because I’ll be dead just like she wants.

I hope he finds a better gf. Maybe I won’t be dead anyway. I’ll be taking a shower soon so it could give me time to think and clear my mind.

I try to work on myself and be a better person, one that everyone wants, but I can never be what they want or they threaten me. I will never be forgiven and I’ll always be scum who should die to them.

Honestly, I may not do it, because I CAN’T FIND A WAY WITHOUT COWERING, but you can

violent

honestly put one in the back of my head

or something lol. or find another way to do it, like euthanasia. for now, i’ll try to live, but still.

For now I’m done. I doubt it but I could become a symbol of discrimination or something: a girl whose life was so filled with discrimination she died. But I could live and tell the tale as a survivor

I love you, my boyfriend 💕

And my family ❤️

But I fucking hate you, even if you were right, Bella. I know you won’t feel guilty for being so cruel a life may be taken or threatened, but it’s okay.

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[–] permathrowaway 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

She’s not worth it. i’m alive

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Hell yeah. That's the right attitude.

[–] permathrowaway 3 points 4 days ago

Thank youuuu :))

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago

Stop. It doesn't matter that vile people say vile things. They dislike themselves and misdirect their contempt and rage. What matters is being the best you you can be. Work on getting to know you underneath all the layers, loving yourself. Never talk to those people again. They're poison.

Other people may lose patience, but they're human, and if you haven't noticed, there's a lot going on in the world that has almost everyone stressed out and on edge. In short, everyone has problems. I'm sorry that these people added so needlessly to yours. For right now, you need to focus on loving you. Take a warm bath or shower, imagine all those vile things that were said and done as black, toxic gunk as you wash clean being washed away and going down the drain to the sewer where they belong. Be patient with yourself and the people who care about you (unless you're in immediate danger) because they're human too. I'm going to sleep, now and am sending you my best wishes.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 days ago

I'm not equipped to help in this directly, but as a fellow person that wants you to be happy and healthy and here with us, I advise getting some professional help. There is no shame it this. I think we all need help at times in our lives.

The only real other advice I can give is that things get bad and then they get better. Then they get bad again just to get better all over again. Its just kind of the way life is. The more you work on yourself the easier things get when the bad times come. You will know how to get through them because you have lived through it before and ultimately came out better for it.

Like I said in the beginning you don't have to go it alone. There is no shame in asking for help! Make sure they are qualified to give the help you deserve.

You can get through this. Big hug young one.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago

I don't know you. I can't judge the truth of your statements about your flaws, hurts, etc. I do know you sound like me when I'm trying to hurt myself. I often talk like this and blame myself for things it's impossible for me to control. I say that to give background to say this...

Don't make any snap decisions based on despair. Please. I don't know you, but your life is precious.. Don't let despair take it from you. There's always hope. I'm happy that you took time to think and get clarity. Please talk to people you can trust and get support. You deserve so much better than to live in self-hatred and hopelessness.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago

Yo fuck Bella. She's just some person. She doesn't matter. There's loads of people.