this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Shitty Food Porn

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I think she's a keeper

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Did she boil the fucking bacon? Is that how it came out that way? I don't know it's weird. I mean hard-boiled eggs just do that sometimes but what the fuck. It's not hard to throw it in a frying pan. My fiance bakes it which is... Fine...

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yes, all cooked in the same pot at the same time as the eggs :>

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Call ICE on her. If she’s white, tell them she’s irish. They don’t count as white again, so she’ll get sent to Venezuela where she might learn something about cooking. It might be cooking meth, but that’s still preferable to whatever that atrocity in the picture is.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Well, she's definitely not a cooker.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

A pig died so that she could boil a part of it into shoe leather. Then you had to eat it. The things we do for sex…

[–] [email protected] 42 points 6 days ago (1 children)

My brain is now forever tainted with the idea that you can, and some people do, boil bacon.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 days ago (3 children)

If you put a little water in the pan with cold bacon it will steam for a bit and help render out the fat before it then deep-fries in that fat. To much water and you get whatever this is.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

Y'all've seriously never tried grilling your bacon in the oven? The fat just melts off and leaves your bacon perfect. If you like it crispy, just leave it in for a bit longer.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago

Yea, I use my air fryer for everything. Wife wanted bacon so I figured what the hell, put it on bake and it was the best bacon ever and all the fat poured right out crystal clear.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago

Not even. You can totally submerge the bacon in a pan full of water. As you say, the fat renders out and you then fry it in that fat when the water all boils off.

This is literally just boiling it and taking it out of the water like it's fucking spaghetti or something.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Fried bacon fat is amazing...

There is only one true way to cook bacon and it's in a CI pan and in it's own grease.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

In the oven is superior. You get an even cook and the rendered fat can be saved in the fridge for cooking later without all the charred bits that you get in a cast iron skillet.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago

Charred bits? The hell, your CI pan shouldn't have any charred bits in it. I like crispy bacon anyways.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 6 days ago

I swear I saw the bacon move.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Hmm, good old weaponized incompetence

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 days ago

Lmao that's so real, I think she boiled the bacon out of spite.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

I think you should keep her away from a kitchen

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago

I was served bacon that looked like that at Skegness Seal Sanctuary and we still joke it was made from the ones that didn't make it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (3 children)

BF/GF2 should raise the bar on her, perfect opportunity to flex.

Bacon should be cooked on a single layer in a pan preheated to medium high (about 2/3rds the dial) and flipped after some of the bacon has begun to shrink. Cover and reduce heat, remove from heat once the sizzling sound becomes quieter. The line between perfect bacon and overcooked perhaps slightly burnt is a number of seconds.

For boiled eggs, heat the water to a Rolling Boil. Very important. Then carefully lower in the eggs with some utensils. Wet yoke but cooked whites is usually achieved after about 3 minutes. Fully cooked after 8 to 10 minutes. Rinse the eggs and set in cold water for at least 2 minutes. The egg shells should be able to peel completely off without missing pieces because we brought to water to boil before adding the eggs.

For toast we're going to use my Honey White Bread recipe, but you'll have to rise it for at least 4 hours so maybe start it the night before.

  • 4 cups bread flour
  • 1 and 1/4 cup water
  • 1/6th cup honey
  • 1.5 teasp Salt
  • 2 teasp Active Yeast (I buy the brown jars, they're more effective than packets because the yeast needs to be alive)
  • 1 tablesp olive oil

Mix by hand, then flatten and roll, then flatten and roll the other direction. Continue kneading until one consistent texture. It should be smooth and have a slight gloss to it. If it's too stratified or loose add small amounts of water, if it's too sticky then add flour. Cover with thin plastic or with a wet cloth, if the cloth sticks then wet it some more and it should let go. Rise for 2 hours, knead it again, then move it to the pan to rise it again for at least 2 and up to 16 hours (the longer you wait the more sour-dough like taste it obtains). Prepare either a breadpan, thin and tall work best, or a flat pan with parchment paper by covering it in solid at room temp coconut oil.

Cooking temp and time can depend on pan choice but a safe bet is 385F for about 30 to 40 minutes. You want to pull it out once as much of the crust as possible has browned. You can optionally apply a beaten mixture of egg and water ("egg wash" they call it) with a brush every 10 to 15 minutes to achieve a soft thin crust, then cover with wet cloth after pulling out. If not using egg wash, finish with a brush of olive oil and a light salting near completion and let cool without covering. Let sit for 20 minutes to cool.

I don't have a recipe for butter but salted butter for a topping or unsalted for baking with.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Recipe is totally unusable, no preface about a trip to Rome and how you were feeling, nothing.

Just straight up Recipe that's ludicrous

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Your egg instructions are rediculous and don't account for elevation. Using those instructions will not yield the same results everywhere

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Elevation doesn't account for density height let alone pressure height. Instructions incomplete

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

Step 1. Descend to sea level.
Step 2. Cook eggs.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago

The line between perfect bacon and overcooked perhaps slightly burnt is a number of seconds.

This is the biggest reason I bake bacon. I can bake nearly a pound of bacon in the time it takes to make the rest of breakfast and seconds don't make the difference between perfect and burnt. You can dial that shit in to the perfect level of crispiness.

Bacon spread out on a cooling rack set inside a sheet pan in a cold oven. Set to bake at 200°C or 400°F. After 20 minutes, check on it every 5 minutes until done to your liking. Thicker bacon takes longer obviously. Drain the grease and save for later cooking use.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Bruh you don't have to re-inflict the atrocity, this isn't the fucking Ring

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

She found a way to remove excess salt and fat from the bacon without adding it to the eggs!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

She found a way to remove excess ~~salt and fat~~ flavor and texture from the bacon without adding it to the eggs!

Ftfy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Photo needs more HDR.

[–] [email protected] 94 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (21 children)

Damn... Wtf did you do to piss her off that she boiled the bacon while boiling the eggs?

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 week ago

Are you certain she likes you?

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 week ago

Yeah 🙃 Keep'er far away from the kitchen.

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