Asklemmy

The short version: It's complicated.

The long version: I fell out of Christianity at age 17 because I had hard questions no one wanted to answer, so they asked me to either stop asking or stop coming to church. I spent years and years reading everything I could get my hands on about religion in general and many major world religions in specific, didn't find anything I could agree with or that seemed true to me as-is, and ultimately decided to cobble together my own beliefs from the useful bits I found in others. So now I have a highly syncretic mix of components from many religions (plus some I cooked up myself) that feels right to me. It centers around the idea that divinity is a kind of all-encompassing infinite ur-consciousness/hive-mind of which we are all a part, that the world is an illusion that creates a divide between us (which is why we feel like individuals), but also within us (between mind/thought/idea and feeling/emotion/experience), and enlightenment comes from learning how to heal those rifts and not just realizing or understanding but knowing in your bones that we are one. In short: the truth is love, love is the union of self and other, of mind (intellect) and heart (wisdom), of order/stasis/death and chaos/energy/life, into the unified psyche of one all-pervading ur-consciousness.

Building your own belief system is not a path I recommend for most because it requires a commitment to intense introspection in order to develop self-awareness and a deep willingness or even desire to have your understanding and beliefs challenged and updated with new perspectives and information. But for me anyway it beats being an atheist (I was one for many years, despite my fascination with religion), though I'm not here to convert anyone. This seems true to me, and that's enough.

I believe in myself. I believe in everyone else too, until they give me a reason not to.

I believe every particle/atom/point within my reality has a connection equivalent to what one might call a 'soul' and it exists outside of dimensional reality, the dimensions being represented by a line (1d), a plane (2d), a field (3d) and the function of time (4d). Currently for me this puts these connections in the 5th dimension. I use the term "philote" as a label for each connection. That term is borrowed from the Ender books.

Life as we know it is made up of many atoms, formed into molecules, cells, organs and so on. At the core, each atom having its own connected philote, an organism is a community of philotes working together to stay connected and keep the organism going. The organism they represent is in a way, their religion. I believe in the philotes representing my human body. They believe in me.

When I die, my atoms with scatter. Some philotes will be swept away in the atmosphere, some will become the rotting and disintegrating organs of my body. Unless I'm cremated or destroyed in some other way similar, some parts of my body will remain connected. The philotes that make up my bones will remain connected to each other, as the philotes of my skin and blood etc. spread and become new things.

If I meet someone and have an affinity to them, I believe that some of my philotes and some of their philotes were once part of the same organism. They belonged to the same philotic 'church' of that organism. They recognize each other. They like each other. Thus I like the other person and they like me, even if we can't explain why ourselves. It is like magnetism, our philotes know each other and know they have similar goals and will work together. Since philotes exist outside of time, this affinity may be caused by something which has not occurred yet. Perhaps the other person and I die and many of our philotes become a new entity sometime in the future. A new church or religion of philotes.

If I meet someone and do not like them and cannot explain why, I believe that my philotes and their philotes are of opposing goals. Their philotic church does not agree with my philotic church. The philotes are repelled from each other, like how a magnet will repel. We go our separate ways. Perhaps their philotes were once part of an organism and my philotes were once part of the blade which killed their organism. Perhaps one day some of my philotes are part of an organism that is consumed by their organism. Some philotic clusters do not like an event. They accept it but will repel future or past encounters with philotes of the opposing mass. They do not believe in them. Their church is not the same. They do not like the outcome. There could be many reasons. Your beliefs still exist within my beliefs, even if yours do not include mine.

The big bang. The heat death of the universe. The big suck. No, the big suck is not referring to an adult video or a powerful vacuum or my ex. It's the opposite of the expansion of the universe. The big bang exploded. It spreads all atoms out. An atom and its philote no longer want to spread out. They want to return. They flip. They become dark matter or dark energy. They change direction in the 4th dimension. They contract instead of expanding. Other philotes agree and flip. Eventually, the universe stops expanding and contracts. The philotes reunite. They become a singularity. All existance in one point. That is too much for one point. It explodes. The big bang happens again. This never ends. This is happening an infinite number of times right now. Dark matter and dark energy are not measurable because they do not exist anymore at that point in time. From the perspective of a flipped philote, our existance is the dark matter. The flipping happens in all directions in 4 dimensions. It can be backwards on a line, diagonally on a plane, it can loop in a field and go sideways in time.

The big bang, the heat death of the universe and the big suck I represent like this: ∞=|¿√∞²?|=∞ Reality is equal to the question of the absolute value of the square root of infinity squared. A pointless math formula. A story that unfolds and returns.

I never "did" anything, I just realised at some point that I didn't think that whole business was true (apart from the bits about being nice to each other). So I stopped going through the motions that I'd been taught to follow.

My privilege here is that I live in a country that is not very religious, where any religion is done in private, and my mum, who taught me a very forgiving and kind Christianity (emphasising all the things a religious right would despise), only cared about me being a decent person, not about what I believed.

Christian. Only by the Grace of God am I alive today.

This one thinks there were three cycles of moon giving from our mother Fadomai. Ahnurr gave Fadomai her cubs. First was Alkosh, followed by Khenarthi, Magrus, Mara lastly there was S'rendarr.

During the second moon gift there was now Merrunz, Mafala, followed by Sangiin.

Although Ahnurr's house was full, Alkosh and others wanted more cubs to bask in lights warmth.

So Fadomai gave her first cubs their wishes. Azurah, Nirni, Y'ffer, Masser, Secunda all joined with the light children.

Fadomai still had longing for small cubs so she fled to the void and one cub, Lorkhaj was given.

Exhausted, Fadomai knew her time of ending was near. So a gift was given to Nirni, for she desired to give cubs the light.

So it was that Nirni came to her brother Lorkhaj for she needed a new dwelling for her cubs. Lorkhaj did just so, forming the mortal realm. Some of Fadomai's first cubs were imprisoned in the new realm. The second set of Fadomai's cubs saw what had happened and did not follow.

Mayhaps was not just Nirni who was given the gift of cubs. So is said Azurah came down to one of Nirni's cubs and shape his form most desirably, so log as they would be given their mother Fadomai's Beauty, Ahnurr intelligence and Alkosh's streingth.

Azurah found some of Nirni's cubs in the forest and from them Khajiit were born under Masser and Secunda's light.

Angered by Azurah's decision to take so many cubs Nirni came to Y'ffer and ask for punishment. He did so turning the grasses to warm sands and forest to marsh.

Azurah loved her cubs and taught them the ways of the moons and the gift of shapes.

However not all her children were given the gifts of Azurah and favored Nirni. By her hand the fur was taken and the forest given. For Nirni also loved here cubs and their grandcubs.

Although maybe not M'aiq is very practical. He has no need for mysticism.

I'm agnostic but read somewhere that maybe water is god.

https://medium.com/@fadi.arab/water-is-god-4320f558db05