this post was submitted on 15 Mar 2025
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I'm about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I've told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.

Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I've heard stuff like "Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don't take leave".

To me it was a no brainer, I'm getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn't taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.

I'm in the US so I know it's a "strange" concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn't affect at all. Again, it's a state program available to almost anyone who's worked in the past 2 years, I've talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that's it.

I feel like I'm missing something.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I enjoyed my time with our newborn, but it's no vacation. I took 4.5 months of paternity leave in a row.

Sweden is pretty generous with parental leave. Me and the Mrs get 480 days to share between us. 390 of which are at some 80% of our salary. The other 90 days pay peanuts, but great to have when you need some time off to get started with preschool and stuff. You have 90 days earmarked for yourself that can't be transferred to the other parent.

At 5 days a week those 480 days last two years.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

It's valuable time. It's as important as maternity leave. Take it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

It seems pretty normalized and expected in the tech company I’m at. I’ll be taking four months or so in August.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Your coworkers are stupid, shitty fathers. Go be with your kid.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

Here in Ireland I got a meagre 2 weeks (but took an additional 2 weeks unpaid!)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I worked during my mom's last months of life while taking care of her because the company allowed me to fully work from home, no question asked if I was available ok, if I wasn't ok too. And I brag about that. Otherwise I would have taken a sick leave to take care of my mom (which my country allows), but working gave me a good, I don't know how to say, sometimes when I had work and my mom didn't need me I didn't think about the situation and that was nice.

People should make use of their rights, although in my case I found a compromise that, in my opinion, benefited me; but this company gained my loyalty for the time being.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

My son’s a teenager now, but the three months I spent at home with him and my wife after his birth were some of the most incredibly enlightening, rewarding and exhausting days of my life. I’d encourage every parent to spend as much time with their newborn as possible — if not for yourself and for your child, then for your spouse. All three of you will be learning a whole new way of life, and it’s great that you’ll be able to experience and shape it together.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

I had 6 weeks as that was what my employer allowed. I didn't take it all at once, 4 weeks and 2 weeks later. I found that she needed help more during teething and sleep regression so it might be good to split it up if you can, also helps you keep on top of work.

But would say it's important to ask what she feels she needs. I wouldn't worry about your employer. Also, with the lack of sleep during those first few weeks, I can't imagine anyone is productive at work.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

Clearly you're missing some huge hairy balls, what type of man takes time off work to be with their family!?

(/s if it wasn't obvious)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Spending the first 2 month of my child's life with them was one of the best things in my life.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

I'm not a father and I never intend to be one, and I think it's great that you're taking paternity leave.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

I absolutely love that you're doing this and I think paid leave for this, child and family care up to 30 weeks should be easily doable, as well as quality education and quality affordable health care and quality, affordable food, housing, clothing and utilities. Livable wages too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

I took as much time as I was allowed to and wished I got more.

But I've also seen many others take far far less time than they could have and it never made any sense to me.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

In my work environment (in the US), people have roughly this much paternity leave, and it is taken for granted that they will take it because this is viewed as important even if their absence during this time inconveniences the rest of us. They often split it up, though, instead of taking it in a single contiguous chunk.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Central Europe here, i have never seen someone question taking paternity leave. Sure, especially the managers might complain behind their backs about workload or scheduling, but nobody questioned the decision.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

I just got back from my paternity leave and wish it could have gone on longer. Raising a child in the first few months is like nothing else, and you don't get that time back.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

I think it’s an important time and should be available to any working American without exception. When my first child was born, I remember asking HR about paternity leave and their deadpan response was “how many vacation days do you have?” Disgusting.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Like mat leave I don’t really think about it, to me it’s just assumed

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

In Sweden, we have 16 months of parental that can be split between parents.

Nurses do house check-ups for the first few months and it's great for both parents to ask questions and get advice.

These guys who have the option but decline caring for thier family sound like shitty partners/dad's

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

I had both my kids before this existed. I would have killed to have 12 weeks paid off to be with my new family. Getting exactly zero days off when you are a new dad SUCKS.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

My company does 16 weeks of fully paid paternity. I'm taking 9 weeks at the beginning and breaking up the rest over the year to help with this or that.

I am a little concerned as to what my job will look like when I get back especially with the political climate. But at the end of the day that isn't what is most inorganic to me. My family is.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I'm about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I've told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.

That's actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.

To me it was a no brainer, I'm getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months

The only reason I could see not to do that is if that 15% would leave finances so tight you couldn't turn on the heating. But as you probably spend more that that on comminuting absolutely no brainer.

My company in the UK only gives 2 weeks paternity so most guys save and use all their holiday for the year to bring their total time off to 9 weeks.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You are absolutely right! 85% is nice money and especially in the first months it's super important to spend time with your new born and to support the mother.

And for all those fuckers who think that you "aren't working" in this time... Well, get a child and take care of it. It's way harder than you think. You will see, it's gonna be a hard but also rewarding time. My second daughter is now 3 months... And boy, to see everything that is happening within 3 months. It's unbelievable and makes me so happy.

You're on the right path.

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