Many small independent liquor stores still do this, but you have to ask. But yeah, long gone are the days where every restaurant had matchbooks right next to the peppermints and toothpicks in your way out.

The poster is saying that match-man isn't cool. He then goes on to say that he does think match man is cool and that he's just jealous that he can't be cool.

He's not really mocking the person, although I guess it could be considered a backhanded compliment.

I think I can help with the first part: I think saying someone is "trying to be a vibe" is sort of like saying they're "trying to pull off a look/personality"

For another example, if someone buys a Harley, dresses head to toe in leather, and starts talking like a tough guy.

OOP is saying they're not pulling it off, then comes back and admits that they kinda were pulling it off.

You are a sidekick but you are not lovable

Boomer, get these kids off your lawn.

"using matches isn't cool

just kidding it is, I'm just jealous"

Smoking is cool... until you want to kiss a non-smoker. Few things narrow the dating pool quite as much