Not my note.

It's so easy to rip people down. Pump someone's tires. It means way more than you can imagine.

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[–] 151 points 2 years ago* (1 child)
  • [–] 94 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I would have that shit framed

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  • [–] [S] 54 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Nah, got to use wax, and stick it to something like a 40k purity seal

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  • [–] 83 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    No yelling,

    Kids behaved,

    Didn’t see you hit your wife (even once)!

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  • [–] 37 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    I think I would remember this for 5 years if it happened to me, which means I should do it to others

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    [+] 36 points 2 years ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)
  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I agree that that is what it should be, but my experience has been that I've heard a lot of man=bad messages. Maybe it's the bubble I've been in, but it's hard for me to shake that off. I try to be a good person, but I don't know what it means to be a good man. Any personality trait that is good for a man to have, I also think is good for a woman to have, so it's not specifically a good man trait.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago (6 children)

    all of that is because gender is socially derived. we don't need to attach any aspect of our personality to our gender, or any of our gender to our personality. given this, we can understand all gender to be either contrived or performative. if gender is performative, we can contrive associations that are positive and hopefully raise a new generation of decently well adjusted men who get us closer to living in a post gender-coded society

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  • [–] 25 points 2 years ago (5 children)

    Maybe it's generational I don't know. I'm a 47 year old dude I don't need strangers validation to know I'm a good dad and frankly that level of assumed eavesdropping and then feeling a need to announce that regardless of it being a positive message is just, fucking weird and off-putting.

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  • [–] 59 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    Compliments are hard to take for some, and it sounds like you find it patronizing and creepy. This is for this very reason that I was really hesitant as a woman to compliment men, I'm more or less the same generation.

    One time late at night, I had no makeup on and was very frumpy, going to buy a six pack at 7eleven. There, a gorgeous gigantic drag queen told me "Giiiiiiirl, look at your faaaace, you're so gorgeous". It was so so so cool and made me feel like a queen. So from then on I thought fuck it, I don't get compliments often and when I do, it makes my day. So now I do whenever I am sincerely impressed or enjoy something.

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  • [–] 20 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

    Why?
    Seriously, it seems like a genuinely nice note. No harm was done and everything that was said was validating and positive. It didn't need to be said, but that just makes it all the more special. That guy going out of his way to give that validation when it obviously wasn't necessary just shows that he isn't just being a good dad. His parenting is at a quality at that at least one other dad admires. He doesn't need to be told that, but I'm glad he was.

    I suppose I don't understand your perspective. If you know you're a good dad then getting validation on top of that is just good, right? If it's obvious you don't need it and someone else is still compelled to tell you then you must be doing an even better job than you thought!

    It's good you don't need validation. In fact it's a great level of confidence in your ability. So if someone validates that confidence. That's good? It's not needed, but it's still good.

    Or at least that was my takeaway, I was curious about yours.

    ETA: I had a thought... What would your opinion be if the feedback was negative? What if he was aggressive and mean? Not loud, or drawing attention, just a dickhead to his kids and family.
    I'm not looking for any particular answer here, I'm just curious if your opinion would change at all.

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  • [–] 16 points 2 years ago

    I've personally lost all sense of masculinity. There's no positive feature I would think men should have and women not, or vice versa.

    To me gender norms feel weird and toxic, except there are folk in our trans community that get a lot out of representing as their gender.

    But telling people they rock is a good thing I think. 2025 is expected to a lot of bad days.

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  • [–] 15 points 2 years ago

    Is this Adrian Dittman??

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  • [–] 14 points 2 years ago (1 child)
  • [–] 13 points 2 years ago

    Long before I was a dad, I once told a dad I saw in a retail store "you're a great dad!" after being in an adjacent aisle and hearing him interact with his kid. He was clearly offput by the input. That was the only thing I said to him; hopefully it had a net positive impact.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    What were you cooking that smelled so good?

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  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago
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