I'm really sorry your wife rejected you like that, that pain will likely stick around for some time. Coming out as nonbinary in a marriage is really tough, my partner actually did not too long ago.
I'm a trans woman, and there were still challenges for me. In theory I should be the most accepting partner and immediately be able to change my brain around, but I found myself confused - having to process things in ways I didn't anticipate.
Your partner's brain is probably going crazy right now trying to process your identity, what that means for her identity and you as a couple, then resetting the expectations she had for your collective future. Not to mention processing the potential optics of being perceived as being in a queer relationship in today's climate. That's a lot!
How she spoke to you was how she felt in that moment, but doesn't have to be how she feels forever. If you have the patience and pain tolerance for that process, it's very possible things will work out.
What's harder to actually make work is suppressing your identity for the sake of someone you love. It can feel like noble sacrifice, but you're really not doing either of you a favor long-term. You'll both feel the facade, but feel dedicated to it and be miserable.
I suppose if I had advice, it'd be to remember that how you both feel in this moment can and will change, and doesn't have to mean anything big about your relationship unless you want it to. I know I can feel a panic to process and try to repair things, when time and space is actually what's needed.
Oh, and try to find a decent relationship counselor if you're both down - though the process of finding someone is certainly discouraging.
I really hope the best for you.