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whole this probably did slightly raise the localised radioactivity of the area the water was released into, I suspect not as much as, say, dropping a banana into the ocean would have.

Hang on... Wasn't this an episode of The Simpsons?

Given the dumb shit that happens in this, the most ridiculous time line, I would lay money on aliens invading, and Fumio Kishida manifesting super powers to defend Japan. It's in the same ballpark as Trump jumping bail and Dog the Bounty Hunter bringing him, but, you know you can't completely rule it out.

am I gonna get ten years of conspiracies like Obama faking drinking water

Give me the fish.

Pretty hilarious to see people convince themselves that supporting nuclear energy is somehow counter-cultural and anti-establishment, or even anti-capitalist.