this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2023
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[–] [email protected] 122 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Muscles weigh more than shit. When you were shitting, you were flexing really hard and built muscle.

Congrats on the gains.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Congrats, you now have a sphincter that can cut cucumbers!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

What about a watermelon?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Constipation builds muscle faster. No pain no gain.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Science. 😎

[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 year ago (4 children)

The real answer is that bathroom scales have god awful precision and accuracy.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Most mid market scales buffer the weight to normalize it. I got a $20 one off Amazon that just tells me fresh every time and it’s great. I pooped .4lbs this morning.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hmm, how would they buffer it, if you've got multiple household members? Or are we talking about those weird scales that require an app?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

If last measurement within half a pound, show previous measurement.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

They are both imprecise AND inaccurate?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

When talking about measurements, "precision" and "accuracy" have slightly different meanings See here

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Most digital bathroom scales will repeat your last measurement if it hasn't changed by more than half a pound. I pick up a 1 lb soap bottle off the counter first, then measure again without it for my weigh in.

Customers really hate seeing if a scale has a little inaccuracy in back to back measurements, so they all build in this bullshitting.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

so you're saying we should invest in an industrial freight shipping scale for maximum accuracy

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I love this. It remind me of the whole South Korean fan thing.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

I'm short-sighted and on our mechanical scale, I can't see the thin lines to count out the precise kilos.
At first, I was bothered by that, but yeah, in addition to natural weight fluctuations, just bouncing a bit on the scale would stop it at different kilos, so eventually I considered it more of a feature that I couldn't tell precisely.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Methane is lighter than air. You deflated your balloon intestines by removing the cork, so the methane and other gases are no longer giving you a modicum of buoyancy.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago

πŸ«„β¬…οΈ me with 1lb of poop and -1.4lb of methane

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 year ago

That's why you have to be sure to leave a dump and not take a dump.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's all the coffee you drank you make that poop a reality.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Only a shower in between. It was a miracle birth

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Makes sense if you've got a lot of hair. Water ain't exactly light

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Could be OP is a sheep dog? Or a yeti?

Or if OP is a furry I suggest not to shower in the costume (or what furries call their suits?)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Usually called a fursuit, I think even for non-mammalian characters.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Dried my hair first for science to isolate variables πŸ§‘β€πŸ”¬

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Quick, eat an entire pizza by yourself to drop the weight again.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Shitting antimatter.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'll bet you put your phone down the first time, and it was in your pocket the second time. Poop weighs incredibly little.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I once lost 4 pounds just by pooping.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

And what was it on the Clydesdale scale?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

"careful, he's a hero"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

No clothes both times and dry hair. The scientific method cannot constrain me

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

No, don't be ashamed. 1 out of 3000 Americans is a Reverse-Pooper; it's time we recognize their struggle

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

this can only be explained if your shit is lighter than air, did it fly away?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Build a hyperdrive with that negative mass exotic matter poop

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The science going on in the comment section is just *chef's kiss*

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I learn all my science from meme communities