Asklemmy

I learned a long time ago to take control of my life, decide what's important to me and what's not, and plan things out including time to relax/vacation/disconnect (by which I mean everything from taking an hour break at lunchtime, to deciding to go out for a hike on Sunday, to taking a three-week snowboarding trip). The biggest problem will always be others trying to manipulate you to do things that they want you to do; you have to learn to be direct and say "no". You also have to learn to deal with "doing what is expected of you" / "doing what is socially acceptable" / "keeping up appearances"; you have to decide what you're going to do and not let these things drag you down.

Sorry... that isn't really advice, or five top-tips for organizing your schedule, or how-to-deal-with-demanding-people... its just a bit of a harsh statement to f*ckin' take control of your life and be confident in your decisions.

I am 51, married, we both work full time, my wife's job is far more demanding in stress and hours but I am at a senior level working 9-5 mostly.

We own a home and our one kid is in elementary school.

I have systems I use at work and home to track everything in responsible for with deadlines if they need deadlines.

I don't overdo my at home productivy. It's largely governed by family priorities and I get very, very little discretionary time.

Stress affects me on a few levels. I have chronic illnesses that are aggravated by it and a history of letting it get out of hand. I'm getting too old to be stressed out guy now so I have learned to recognize when I'm stressed, how it is negatively affecting me and those around me, and then how I can take five and cool off.

I also get nicely toasted (legally) on a very low dose of THC with CB-whatever (trying cbn for sleep now) about an hour before bed and spend some time by myself (I go to bed last) just being "me". I write a page of fiction (don't ask, it's crap, just for me) or journal a little or so some quiet tidying, etc. That really helps. I also need it to help my sleep so it's a double benefit.

I have "Do Nothing" days. It's really the only way I survive, honestly.

During many parts of the year, my job and home lives are extremely hectic and stressful. Whenever I can, I designate a "do nothing" day, which helps my brain actually take advantage of resting that day without thinking "omg I need to do this, and this, and this", etc. Usually it ends up being a Saturday, and while I'd love for it to be weekly, I'd say I have them more like twice a month or so.

The rules for a Do Nothing day are that I Do Not Do Anything Important, I don't even leave the house - just chill, play video games, read, craft, garden, watch TV, sleep, etc. Whatever feels right. It makes picking back up with the stress the next day much easier to handle. Plus, I find it's really hard for me to ever relax even when I do have a moment to do so, so I would usually waste all that time anyway throughout the week just straight up worrying about what I should be doing. At least by doing this I combine all that time into one day, and I actually use it to relax!

Poorly

Try not to view spare time as the absence of plans. It should be specifically booked in and not cannibalised by other things.

As others have already mentioned, break your big tasks down into smaller operationalised tasks. Spending time to plan things isn’t wasted.

Also, it’s hard to grasp this myself but I try to live by it: everything will be ok, everything is fixable. Avoid worrying about things too much.

Not the answer I want to give but the honest answer is alcohol, video games, tv with my wife, sex, and tiktok. Anything that turns my brain off once I decide I have done enough work for the day. It isn't a great way to live and I hope to get out of it after I pass my prelimary exams.

Learn to say "no" and deligate other tasks to someone else. You deserve time to yourself and for yourself.

Meditation has helped me get through a lot. I like Shinzen Young's methods myself. He's got a lot of content on YouTube that's worth a watch if that's a path you want to try.

Find people to talk to. If you can multitask taking to them while doing something, do it. But if you can give a good conversation some dedicated time it helps.

There's 'serious' talk like a therapist, but even just basic 'whatever' talking with friends and acquaintances helps me get out of my own head.

Proper sleep, stay hydrated, exercise, cuddle a dog, meditate, find a peaceful relaxing hobby that allows you some peace and quiet.

"Meditate for an hour every day unless you are too busy. In that case meditate for two hours."

I use the Ten Percent Happier app, but only their Basics I and Basics II series. At least the first and maybe both should be free in the app

Despite the quote, once you have developed a meditation habit you really only need 5 minutes to find some centre

Sitting down in the shower 🚿 for an hour or two.

ok wait this is my moment lol

so I've always been the one to take on others energy for them - listen to them complain, try and help everyone, always try my absolute best. I had a lot going on and my stress built and built and built until I (thanks to therapy) started to notice warning signs of burnout (I was always overstimulated, not sleeping enough, not eating enough, dreaded going to bed but also dreaded getting out of bed because I didn't want to deal with tomorrow).

I ended up taking FMLA for 2 weeks and focusing entirely on stress management and it's been a couple weeks back at work and I still feel really great.

1. Remember that you are human, and that if you continuously set a bar of 100% you are setting yourself up for failure. You will have bad days, just accept it and do your best without comparing it to others or to yourself on a good day

2. Feel comfortable setting boundaries! You don't have to allow negativity into your life, and if people are dumping excess stress onto you feel free to exit the conversation. No need for feeling guilty because they will have moved on within the hour (they have their own life)

3. The first hour of your day is crucial. If you wake up and immediately go on your phone (information overload) you are setting yourself up for overstimulation which does not help you out when dealing with stress! Take a nice shower, read a book — I listen to piano in minor and write a poem — just something that allows you to ease into your day. Waking up and immediately hustling will lead to burnout. I can't emphasize this point enough!

4. Sleep and eat! Poor sleep habits add up over time and your body and mind are much more protected against stress when you're giving them the tools to deal with it.

5. Accept stress. It's going to come! There are two key parts here — One, when you catch yourself accumulating stress, pause and ground yourself. Slow yourself down. Breathe, walk a little more leisurely. When you do these things your body will signal to your mind that you're safe. Two, don't think of stress as an unequivocally negative thing — stress is a tool that CAN be managed and it's a powerful tool for productivity. That said, as with all powerful tools you absolutely have to practice safety.

6. And lastly, and this is gonna sound obvious, MAKE TIME to relax! It's easy to say you can't make time for relaxation but flip the script for a moment and ask yourself, could you make time for another task?

Videogames, usually single player classics from the 2000s

procrastination, video games and sex

It's very hard to do. I can only go into what helped with me but I schedule it in. Everything else in my life is basically scheduled so you have to make the time. Meditation

I meditate 30 minutes every other day. It's helped significantly. Think of it like a gym schedule and hold yourself to it. Obviously there is never enough time in the day to do everything you want but this thing is one of the most important at this point.

Screaming into the void and therapy.

But fr, the one thing I'm working on unraveling is the guilt I tie to "non-productive" time. I will sit unable to do anything because there are too many things, and mentally torture myself for not being productive. That then uses up so much emotional energy that I feel a thousand times worse. It's not easy to undo a lifetime of this belief, but I'm explicitly trying to be more gentle with myself, and say: "Okay sure you need to do XYZ, but right now you are not okay, so let's lie here and have a little rest, watch some crap, and work on recovery."

Right now. I don’t. I have to have sinus surgery and teeth extracted because the infection is so bad I feel it in my entire body- and my old-aged dog is showing rapid signs of checking out.

I’m lost and I don’t know what to do.

That's my secret, Captain: I'm always stressed.

Booze. Lots of booze.

If you lack time, relay some tasks to the ones around you. Just be real and direct with them - "I'm stressed, overburdened, and I really could use some help. Could you do [task]?".

If your family includes older children (past 8yo or so), there are a bunch of small chores that they can do: cleaning their own rooms, washing dishes, etc. It's actually good for them, as they'll need that knowledge for their adulthood. Just be flexible. ~~(And never put a 10yo in charge of the kitchen, like my parents did.)~~

Another thing that you could/should do is to keep track on what you're expending your time on, and try to optimise small tasks. For example, bulk preparing certain dishes to have them frozen for later; rushing a tiiiiiny bit when leaving work, so you don't need to wait 20min for the next bus; preparing coffee while you prepare breakfast, as coffee is mostly waiting; this kind of stuff.

Finally, priorities. Rest and entertainment are important parts of the life of anyone; treat them as such. Even if you need to drop some less important tasks.

1. Ignore.
2. Alcohol
3. Panic

Marijuana and occasional psychedelics

Ashwagandha, meditation and exercise.

Might be a cheap answer but it never fails for me: HAKUNA MATATA.

I wish I knew the answer but I understand how you feel. I just turned 30, changed jobs last year, am working on a master's & have a kid on the way. I wouldn't give any of those things up but damn I need a break sometimes.

I try to take me time whenever I can. Also something my therapist mentioned that resonates fairly well with what another poster said, take control of at least part of your life.

For me, even though it's tough, I find that mowing the yard, power washing, assembling something, etc helps me - since I'm choosing to do that thing on my own and not being forced to do it like dishes or work, etc. Bonus points for productivity I guess but really it's all about regaining that sliver of control and building on it. That "thing" could be playing a sport or watching an episode of TV or brushing your teeth or something but the key is that you do it because you want to, not because it's on your to do list.

I hope you figure it out and I'm with ya in spirit!

I binge eat unfortunately. Jaffa cakes are good for this, so I've banned them from my home.

Inhale as normal. Hold a few seconds. Exhale as long and slow as you can.

This lowers your level of physiological arousal.

The exhale needs to be longer than the inhale. As long as possible is best. After a few minutes of that, you’ll start to feel pure relief spreading through your body as you exhale.

trust me just try it. Normal, even quick, inhale. Hold it a few seconds, exhale as long and slow as you can. Then repeat for as long as you want. You can even do it while doing other stuff. It’s just a breathing pattern.