LGBTQ+

I was in high school when I started to realize that I was bisexual. I started questioning around Grade 11 and 12, and then came to terms with it in my first year of university. However, it didn't really change anything for me. I was in a long term relationship at the time, and after that one ended I very quickly ended up in another relationship which I've been in ever since. Both of them were "hetero" relationships.

Knowing that I'm bisexual hasn't changed my feelings for my partner. All it has done for me is help me accept that what I'm feeling is normal, and that it's perfectly okay to be attracted to both males and females.

The fact that you're happily married shows you still love your spouse. Questioning your sexuality doesn't have to change anything about your marriage. If anything, I would talk to your spouse about it and go "hey, I've been thinking about this a bit, and I'd like your support while I try and work through these feelings." You can question and work through it without having to "experiment" or look for anything outside your current relationship.

And remember, being in a "hetero" relationship does not invalidate your sexuality. You don't even have to label your sexuality if you don't want to.

I had my first homoerotic experiences at 18, realized I was bi and trans at 24, came out as bi at 32, as gay at 40, and trans at 42. In retrospect, I would have been much better off coming out (fully) earlier. Unfortunately, I was born into a conservative, patriarchical family and it took a long time to shed all of that awful self-loathing baggage.

I felt an attraction to older men around 7 or 8, not in a sexual way but just a general attraction. At 13 had a "girlfriend" online because that was the normal thing to do. One of my other online friends was a lesbian and she explained her attraction toward women. That was my lightbulb moment that I was gay and had a specific attraction toward older men.

Of course that had a slew of problems being a teenager attracted to older men 55+. Overtime I went from bi, to gay, to hating myself, to finally accepting myself and lifting my depression at around 22. I always thought there biggest hurdle was social acceptance, it turns out, it's self acceptance and being comfortable with who you are.

You should consider seeing a LGBTQ friendly therapist to help unpack how you're feeling. A therapist is there to help you learn tools to self analyze.

I kinda knew I didn't vibe with my AGAB at a pretty young age, maybe 12 or earlier? Idk i just kinda remember vague disassociation towards my agab. One of the first concrete trans thoughts i had was while watching an anime where full body cyborgs exist and I remember thinking/wishing for that to be real so I could swap into a woman's body. The same show also made me aware that being attracted to the same/both genders was a thing that could exist.

At the time I didn't really have the knowledge to really grasp the ideas that were forming so I didn't accept/understand I was bisexual until I was maybe 20. And I didn't really come to understand this general disdain for my physical and social gender and sex were a symptom of being trans until about mid 2019, or when I was about 24. The weird thing was that I knew and understood trans women specifically because i'd befriended a few over online MMOs (and asked the mandatory prying questions that apathetic teenagers tend to ask. thank you so much for your patience Kira/Demi.) but didn't associate the status with my own situation.

Figuring ourselves out is a hell of a path and nobody's is identical to anothers, so don't feel too overwhelmed with your current situation or the possibility of being a late bloomer, things fall into place eventually.

I was in my late 20s when I learned what a-spec meant and how it applied to my life. It wasn't til my mid 30s that I fully embraced that I'm asexual and agender. I'm now transitioning in the best non binary way, but still have no idea how to approach romance or sex until I transition.

I guess, the truth is that foundations are the same in any relationship. If they don't respect, at the least, your sexuality or gender or romantism, then it isn't a worthwhile relationship

Normal was probably around 8, queer questioning only started in my late 20s, and I only figured out I was trans a decade on again. Still haven't fully figured out my sexuality, but labels are tools rather than boxes.

If I was a better educated child then I would have known sooner. But around 16 I knew/accepted I was bi.

I was taught that either you're gay or "normal" 🫠

I knew I was different by 10 or 11, though didn't know what it was. In high school I thought I was just gay. At 19, I came out as gay. But over time I realized I'm pansexual and aromantic.

I had a few months of existential crisis when I was 21, but it was more related to a manipulative partner who was fetishising my queer identity as I was just figuring out who I was.

I'm lucky enough that I never felt not-normal and I've never felt the need to "come out" because I've never been in the closet to begin with. But I recognise what a huge privilege that is and I have been working hard on myself and my surroundings to try extend even some of that privilege to others.

(Eg I'm actively campaigning for change at my work place, which also has a wide reach to the public in the country I live in)

I was around 14 when I started thinking something was up, at the time I thought I was bi but it was only around when I was 20 that I found out I was trans and a lesbian

I knew I was gay when I was 12, but didn't really accept it until I was nearly 20.

Yeah, i think i had a lot of stuff within me that i knew didn't click with being a man and having a masculine role from quite a young age. When i would envision "growing up" i had a void where a self-image would be. For me, a lot of the signs felt uncomfy and i learned to not listen to my feelings so that things could be easier. So it took me until around 25 until i started seriously considering and considering, even though i had been thinking things like "i wish i was a lesbian" for several years ;p

I didn't end up really coming out to anyone until around 27, and now that i'm 30 i am trying to socially transition a bit more and to seek healthcare for myself. (FYI i'm a transfemme enby~)

I definitely feel you about wishing things could have started sooner, but we'll get there :3

Me at 12: Huh. I'm not feeling this whole sexual attraction malarky. Oh, I'm sure I'll grow into it.
Me at 15: Still not getting crushes. I'ma just gonna label myself as asexual for the time being till I get a crush on somebody and then define my attraction based on that. (At this point I did not think of asexual as LGBT, nor myself)
Me at 19: Today I learned there are people who believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community, passionately enough to brain somebody for excluding me. Cool. But I still don't feel like I belong, and it is my firm belief that if someone doesn't want to be a part of a community, they're allowed to not join, and I don't feel comfortable joining.
Me at 22: Why the fuck am I so averse to joining the LGBT community? Have I fallen down some sort of propaganda hole? FUCK IT! I AM ACE, I AM LGBT AND ANYONE WITH A PROBLEM WITH THAT CAN SUCK ON MY TANK OF CHLORINE GAS! Well glad to finally have everything figured out! (eggs start cracking in my friendgroup)

I'm not sure it ever ends tbh

I've always known I wasn't "normal" but I was a child in the 90s so trans women were punchlines and I had no idea trans men were even a thing, and there was no path forward as a trans kid back then. I heard about intersex conditions in elementary school and I'd hoped puberty would go differently for me (because, even if I hadn't fully pieced it together, I knew on some level I didn't feel like my AGAB), it didn't. I fought with my parents to let me cut my hair short in middle school and lost (and in hindsight I regret not grabbing a pair of scissors and doing it myself). In high school I realized I was bi and quietly started exploring proto-non-binary identities like androgyne. I briefly identified as a butch lesbian from 19-23, then at 23 realized I'm a bisexual trans man. That was over a decade ago now and while I'm still figuring out some of the specifics (I might be gray ace and trans masc non-binary) I'm mostly set on the big picture stuff and transitioning was the best decision I've ever made in my life - testosterone completely cured the suicidal ideation I'd struggled with since the wrong puberty. My only regret is not being able to figure things out and transition earlier.

That said, trans people who haven't always known are still valid.

Probably when I was 13 or so. Before that I acted, well, not very straight, to the extent of kissing friends, who were all girls, and showing a rather superficial interest in the opposite gender, mostly out of peer pressure as I approached puberty. But somehow I didn't really realize it was weird until all my friends started crushing on boys unironically and I was confused. I also didn't realize I was crushing on girls until other people described to me in more detail what liking girls was like. I just thought it was normal friendship feelings (which is still difficult to parse from "liking" someone imo but whatever). My sexual awakening solidified it, but I was kind of in denial for a while. I'm quite happy now at 20, out, even if chronically single (mostly because of myself)

Started questioning a few years ago in my early 30s. In my small hometown, gender norms are heavily ingrained and body dysphoria just isn't a thing that people talked about.

I've never liked looking at myself in a mirror. As a kid I would play with and put on my grandma's jewelry until my family started making fun of me. I had a major obsession with any video game where you could be a girl.

If I had known earlier and transitioned, I probably would've been so much happier. But doing it now would just complicate too many things.

I was in my twenties when I found out about the Aromantic spectrum, took my a while to figure out if I felt romantic attraction at all. Turns out I don't.

I was very young. Single digits. I always wanted to kiss all the girls and all the boys, from before when I knew that anybody thought there was anything wrong with it.

I've always really known in one way or another, but it was when I was about 12 I was able to be "oh yeah gay" which was certainly solidified when a friend wanted to experiment and I was a bit too enthusiastic to humour him. I had a lot of other things going on at the time where being gay was the least of my problems so never really had the struggle of self-acceptance.

(edit read a bit further down and removed a sentence as it didn't apply) People do also realise much later in life too, so the only real advice I can give is don't really try to slap a label on it to start off with, figure out what really vibes with you first and then figure out the definition of it later

I've had eggy thoughts all my life. The one I remember most clearly is secretly choosing a new (girl) name in middle school, although that's not the name I eventually went with. In high school I decided "I'm going to get a sex change when I grow up", and after I graduated I learned how being trans actually works and started HRT at 19.

I began to question my sexuality early -- somewhere around age 10. That process continued for a full decade until, at age 20, I admitted to myself that I was 100% gay with no qualifications.

One factor acting against me in my search for self knowledge was my limited vocabulary; society -- or at least the part of it I was attuned to -- didn't have expressive language beyond "gay, straight or bi" and it was hard to decide whether I could wear any of those unsubtle labels. I also had to deal with some internalized homophobia and a lack of queer role models or acquaintances in my life.

If it's any help, I can see, in retrospect, that I spent too much time considering how to label myself and not enough time considering how I felt and how I wanted to act on those feelings. It is only by knowing our feelings and acting on them, repeatedly, that we truly come to understand who are are; how we identify is, in some ways, secondary to those concerns.

I'm not sure how old I was, I just remember where I was, and we moved away from there when I was 6.
My family wasn't outright transphobic or homophobic, but they were generally insensitive and talking to them about it didn't feel safe. I also reasoned with my limited knowledge at the time that there probably wasn't much that could be done about it even if it was accepted.

So it took until I was 18 or so before finding out about other trans people, and about HRT (this was many years ago, before the current awareness)