TWO previous jobs? How the hell am I supposed to compete with applicants like this?

The funny thing is that the AI the company uses to sort resumes decided this was by far the best candidate due to length of experience.

Ah, shit, man. You're direct, you're no-nonsense. How am I supposed to compete with that?

Nah, gotta spice it up a bit more with some fancy bullshit wording.

1997-1998: Started existence and gained motor functioning skills.

1998-2001: Increased fine motor skills and started learning a language.

2002-2014: Pursued Higher education to learn how to be most beneficial to the workforce.

2015: Became an Executive Financial Handler. Job included bridging the gap between Customers and Company to achieve mutual benefit.

2015: After mastering financial connections, began learning the finer arts of Bread and Pastery development to bring joy to the local orphanages.

2015-2019: Was contracted into the private sector to perform highly confidential work. Unfortunately, details cannot be shared.

2020: Ready to start a new career for a great company using all previously mastered skills. The diversity of knowledge makes for an extremely valuable team member.

I would describe this aesthetic as effortless

Listing your childhood as a job??

It's so simple, why did nobody think of this before!?

Such a megamind is beyond our understanding

Hrm. "Resume" is clear enough, but I don't see a "stop" or "pause" anywhere before it.

2023: I am still here 🥹