Sounds like you are having a really rough time, especially with trusting yourself and the world around you. And it’s not surprising at all because you’ve been hurt and abused by the medical system.
You mentioned trauma (I assume from childhood), add in the interactions you’ve had with the mental healthcare system that are also traumatic, plus any other current stress you are experiencing – no wonder you are overwhelmed.
Here’s the truth about mental healthcare in the US: you either have to be able to pay out of pocket for a good therapist or qualify for Medicaid and then know how to find a good therapist there (who will likely have a waitlist).
Community mental health centers and crisis centers have their purpose and are really important, but they are not good for healing trauma. You usually need to work with a dedicated and knowledgeable therapist for quite some time to see a difference (again, assuming childhood trauma – I could be wrong).
I understand that it’s really hard to put your trust back into the system, but there are good therapists out there. If you can afford $40-70 per session, check out Open Path Collective. You pay a $60 one-time fee and get access to a lifetime membership where you can pick therapists in your area through a directory.
You can also do work on your own! Here are some suggestions:
- Complete this wellness wheel to see what areas of your life could use some improvement.
- Learn some practical skills to heal PTSD using dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)
- Discover and practice self-compassion with this workbook by Kristen Neff