Transprogrammer

for the small amount of advice I do have.

It always helps to be directly approaching people, a significant amount of people will positively react to being directly contacted, so fear really isn't warented

advice for people in berlin: write me!!! * puppy eyes *.... also there is a hackerspace called afra which is to a significant part queer, I go there regularly and the people are nice, its just hard for me to actually make friends/interact with people there because of the before mentioned sensory issues

Things I've done recently was picking up an activity because I was spiraling between work, sleep, and video games constantly. I play roller derby on a women's flat track team and have been connecting well with others there. I also have a Lex account and will reach out to others if they'd like to meet up for coffee. Safe, low energy place (depending on the cafe), and hopefully not too crowded or overstimulating. There's also Discord and have had luck finding locals through there, but majority has been through Lex.

Ok, so, you have first part down, give yourself chances to meet new people.

Next, it gets harder. Be nice, be interesting. Be funny, helpful, some combination of the above to give people you interact with positive memories/feelings for you. If you can swing it, be physically attractive. Do your makeup, wear nice clothes, etc. All this is just to get a good vibe.

Next you need time. Someone you have met three times who was nice and dresses well is an acquaintance. Someone you have been gaming/book grouping/camping with for the past 3 years who is nice and funny is a friend. Consistency is key.

Finally, if you have doubts, ask yourself the question: "would a friend act like this?" This goes for both you and them. If they call you up at 2AM because their car broke down, a friend would go help them.

If they invite you to do hard drugs on a work-night, they are not acting like friends, they are acting like addicts, and going out with them might be fun, but it will hurt you, and friends don't hurt their friends.

Friends don't always take and never give. So bring drinks to the meetup, but also don't be the only person that always brings the drinks. Etc etc, details depend on your circumstances.

I hope this helps someone.

Yeah it's always tough.. you want people to understand and not be dicks, but a lot of it feels risky.

To add to the advice, I would only make plans you feel confident in being able to keep. I recently made the mistake of making plans with someone and wasn’t able to keep them due to some personal stuff. I plan on re-approaching this person again once my life settles down, but I can tell it’s dampened our friendship from the start.