this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2024
275 points (96.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

32435 readers
512 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Don’t know how I’ve never come across this, but this made me laugh and cry and nod appreciatively.

top 26 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 58 points 7 months ago (3 children)

The only reason coders’ computers work better than non-coders’ computers is coders know computers are schizophrenic little children with auto-immune diseases and we don’t beat them when they’re bad.

Well... said?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

My computer works better than that of others? I'm not so sure sometimes.

I just received an email from my home server saying that I have 8 sectors offline on my main storage Array.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

I once told my father that people who work with computers run into problems all the time, it's just that the problems we have are at a different scale or degree from the problems someone like he experienced. He said that it soothed him to hear that.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Which is odd- I threaten mine, and that’s why it behaves.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Pid 3386 behave or I am gonna SIGKILL all your children. That's not an EMPTY THREAT. In fact I will start with the first one RIGHT NOW.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

I generally feel like the opposite is true. I have more stability issues because of the weird half fucked hacks that I've installed over 7 different attempts to use the CLI to make my computer hallucinate small rainbow dogs.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 7 months ago (3 children)

It is telling that I read the entire post feeling varying degrees of incredulity and despair, yet what really upset me was the missing <rant> at the beginning.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Not in the slightest. I feel the same way.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

So he proved his point, didn't he...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

"This is so funny and painful!"

[–] [email protected] 29 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

In about 2 weeks this will be 10 years old

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (2 children)

And I’m honestly astonished I’d never come across this before. This ranks up there with the story of Mel.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

Mel, a real programmer!

I'd add a motherfucking website. While not exactly a story, it's one of my favorite bits on the internets

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

I knew this one, but I enjoy it everytime. Because it's true, we add way too much stuff we don't need, and that page loads instantly and gets the point across. It's perfect.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago

Nah, it takes very little effort or compute to get something much much better in pretty much every aspect.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Shades of Maddox. Love it!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just wait until you find the daily wtf!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Years ago. LOL. Today’s my XKCD 10000 for this particular post, though.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago

ERROR: Attempted to parse HTML with regular expression; system returned Cthulhu.

classic.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago

I fucking love this post and reference it constantly to my programmer friends. It's one of my favorite bits of writing to exist, honestly.

For that matter, actually, pretty much everything Peter Welch writes is great. I highly recommend taking a peek through the rest of his blog. I liked it so much I bought one of his books.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Is this what burnout looks like?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

@Mbourgon Thanks. This is soooo relieving for someone building real world things.