cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/10576644

I would like to help him but I don't know what to do...

His screams echo through the house due to a lower back muscle spasm that he got recently, likely due to a herniated disc in his spine or something. He's never gone through this before, I think. He's almost 26, but our family has a history of back problems (and heart problems) for whatever reason. Don't know if that could mean something.

I am a lot older than him and have never had back trouble, EVER. But how can my younger brother have such immense pain in his mid-twenties? I thought back problems only grew more acute later on, such as in your 40s or 50s? I believe we will at least have the x-ray results soon.

I live in Virginia and am wondering if there is a better place nearby to take him than just the Inova hospital around around here. He is being taken right now to the hospital nearby.

His screams trigger flashbacks and traumatic thoughts and memories in my head (doesn't help that I have misophonia). So yeah, fun, fun, fun...

Anyway, let me know what you think because I could use some suggestions.

Just want to know how I can help and what I can do.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/10459968

It is now 2:00 PM and, for the past week, I've been neither taking Vyvanse nor Abilify. I haven't taken Vyvanse for two weeks, in fact.

I felt good this morning, despite it all, and have been wondering if Vyvanse and Abilify has been negatively affecting me all this time and I just didn't know it.

Apparently, and correct me if I'm wrong here, you're NOT supposed to take both Vyvanse and Abilify together; they do NOT go together.

Can anyone provide me more information about this?

I am researching online about this combination, but I have cyber-chondria and so have trouble researching this stuff up on my own (it's hard to do the research when you have so much fear and what-not).

How does Vyvanse affect you mood-wise?

And how about Abilify?

How about both together?

I am Autistic with ADHD, probably OCD, and C-PTSD. I am transfem as well, but haven't done HRT. I also have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I'm 30 years old.

My psychiatrist is a "pill-pusher" and just gives me whatever medicine I ask for or just what's popular; I'm in Virginia and we're known for our bad and corrupt psychiatry and mental health institutions here.

People on Reddit keep telling me to "trust your pyschiatrist" or "talk to your psychiatrist" but my psychiatrist absolutely sucks.

I'm trying to ask for a second opinion from other institutions and psychiatrists.

I'm going through Abilify on Wikipedia and the results that it does on human beings seems abysmal, no offense to anyone here who might take it.

I just heard from a friend that Abilify made her feel absolutely awful during the time that she took it and even rageful.

It's used most often on Autistic people and I've been taking it for about 10 or so years; I feel great without it. I realize that the sudden happiness comes from NOT having it at all.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/10416284

I don't have my Vyvanse. I abused it initially at the beginning of my 90-day refill and went over and now I'm asking for an emergency refill and... Yeah...

It'll be a month until I get Vyvanse again.

I used it to get through a scary time in my life, but I'm through it now.

But now I have no Abilify (lost it) and Vyvanse (until next month).

I will say this: being without Vyvanse is not as bad as I thought it would be.

And the cannabis gummies I'm taking sort-of ease things (if anyone knows any that cuts through brain fog or make me think clearer, let me know).

But honestly, it was my own damn fault.

And now I'm switching to BlueCross BlueShields because I have no insurance; the Abilify refill cost $2,000 without my old insurance.

Again, I accept that it was my own fault, but I'm glad that I at least was able to get a job.

Thanks, everyone, for cheering me on in getting that job.

It was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

I'm not sure if there is a therapy for withdrawal, but someone in my family is seeing if they can find a "withdrawal therapist" while I wait till mid-February for my Vyvanse pill refill.

Psychiatrists have long relied on diagnostic manuals that regard most mental-health conditions as distinct from one another — depression, for instance, is listed as a separate disorder from anxiety. But a genetic analysis of more than one million people suggests that a host of psychiatric conditions have common biological roots.

The results, published today in Nature, reveal that people with seemingly disparate conditions often share many of the same disease-linked genetic variants. The analysis found that 14 major psychiatric disorders cluster into five categories, each characterized by a common set of genetic risk factors. The neurodevelopmental category, for example, includes both attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism, which psychiatric handbooks classify as separate conditions.

Many supposedly individual conditions are “ultimately more overlapping than they are distinct, which should offer patients hope”, says study co-author Andrew Grotzinger, a psychiatric geneticist at the University of Colorado Boulder. “You can see the despair on someone’s face [when] you give them five different labels as opposed to one label.”

The researchers found that the 14 mental-health conditions they studied generally fall into five distinct buckets, each with its own genetic profile. There’s a schizophrenia/bipolar disorder category; an ‘internalizing’ category that includes depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder; a neurodevelopmental category; and a compulsive category that includes obsessive-compulsive disorder and anorexia.

A final category includes substance-use disorders such as alcohol-use disorder and nicotine dependence. People whose genetic profile corresponds to a given bucket are at elevated risk of any of the conditions in that bucket. Other genetic and environmental triggers also affect risk.

The published results: Mapping the genetic landscape across 14 psychiatric disorders

My mother attempted to convince me that I was molested by my adoptive father. This started when I was 6. I experienced things like hypnosis to “recover” memories that were fed to the therapists.

I have talked to therapists about this but it’s fucking useless. I don’t know how to deal with two sets of memories and I’m sick of spending $400 on “oh yeah the only thing I know how to do is CBT.”

Hello, My parents had a fight, bro interrupted and he even slapped dad. I was not present during all this. I managed to separate them for a while. Dad had mental breakdown. He's saying he'd leave and won't show his face again. I assume he'd commit suicide from the way he's talking.I don't know how to talk to him. I want to patch things up (not as in go back to how we used to be). He's the only earning member, mom's not well (physically or mentally), grandparents are sick too. I don't want him to die. But I know he's hurt mentally. I think I am also part of the problem. he's not without fault himself. I'll go find myself a job. But how do I prevent him from harming himself?

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/9262012

I forgot what it's called. Something "pristiq" maybe or "tristick." Something with the name in the front of "tristick" or "pristick."

Anyway, I've tried all other antidepressants; this is for major depression. I told my therapist I had disthimia and her face seemed grave when I said that.

Not sure what else to add, but hopefully, this works; I still need to be approved for it.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/8842228

I take Abilify, Guanfacine (at night), Sertraline (Zoloft), and Vyvanse (ADHD med).

I did not realize that none of these deal with or combat my anxiety, at least not directly. None of these are, say, like Xanax or any of the other meds like it.

And all these years too while my anxiety has festered. Abject fear. Dread. And agitation.

I am going to have to ask my psychiatrist about this. Apparently, there is also medication dealing directly with OCD. Again, nobody told me this and nobody out me on this. But I could have used it all this time.

I am going to try and lower my antidepressants because those make me feel tired. But the anti-anxiety meds are stuff that I need, pronto.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/8783344

I am back on Lexapro due to complications with getting my Sertraline and it's making me feel tired.

Maybe I am taking too much?

On top of that, there is the Guanfacine which I take at night, but that affects me into the morning.

What should I do? I feel that it's affecting my executive functioning and I need that. I take Abilify as well. Does that make me feel tired all the time and give me brain fog? I take Vyvanse too.

I need to pinpoint why I am so tired all the time...

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/7673236

Trying to notice schemas within my own mind and even relationships, to a point.

I'm also thinking of doing Internal Family Systems with my new therapist.

So far, we've done CBT techniques and the like.

What do you recommend in terms of healing from trauma?

I'm on Zoloft (which is replacing Lexapro and is directly responsible for dealing with trauma or PTSD or C-PTSD) and it's done away with my traumatic flashbacks (which were daily).

Hope you all are doing well, comrades!

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/7551653

Body-wise, I was feeling weird when I had a sudden burst of energy and "heart flutters" and that may already be the answer to my question as to what was ailing me or what I felt physically "bad."

Thing is, I couldn't tell you otherwise what was bad and why my mood dropped when my energy rose.

It may be that, when I get energy, I feel angst or anguish over realizing the state of things as my mind becomes clear or perhaps I'm feeling my own body or lack of depersonalization for the first time (it's happened multiple times but you know what I mean).

I don't want to be unscientific so I thought I'd ask others here with the hopes that someone will have the valid answer (of course, I'm using Google or Bing so it's not like I'm just relying on the opinion of random people, though maybe the search results aren't that good either).

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/7386224

Seriously, what the hell happened that time?

It was just a few days ago, but it was weird.

I had 4 magnesium supplements for stress and it... apparently made me sad? To the point of crying?

Ugh.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/7189472

I'm going to ask my psychiatrist for a med that treats trauma. I've been having these daily flashbacks since, I don't know, 2010? Time to take charge. Time to say that I'm worth it.

In addition, I will get a sleep apnea oral appliance so I can treat my sleep apnea without the damn CPAP machine that I can't get to work at all.

In addition, I'm going to see if I have a chance, or do have, AFib or Atrial Fibrillation. My heart acts funny.

I will get through this, even if the next few months see me self-destructing with the stuff I'm about to do soon enough.

(I'm going to attempt something, and if I'm not successful, or I was wrong about the situation, then I'll let it go. Forever.)

Sorry, just pumping myself up for the next few months, and giving myself a good kick in the ass to get myself out of this rut of grief.

Do you often feel exhausted at the end of the workday, even though you’re careful to get enough sleep? There could be a simple explanation, one that might surprise you. You might be overloaded with emotional labor. What’s more, your role as a company founder or business leader might make you feel responsible for the emotional well-being of everyone who works with you.

That intriguing insight comes from clinical psychologist Shannon Sauer-Zavala, Ph.D. In an insightful post at Psychology Today, she connects the dots between emotional overwork and exhaustion. She blames emotional labor for making people feel more tired than they should. What is emotional labor?

Definitions vary widely, but they all center on the work you do to ensure the emotional well-being of others. People perform emotional labor both in our workplaces and in our personal lives. This could include projecting positive emotions that you don’t feel. It could mean you’re the one to to make sure, for instance, that a valued employee’s birthday or other life event is acknowledged. Or, you might always be the one to arrange get-togethers among employees or with key staff. It could also include mediating between conflicting parties and smoothing the waters when emotions run high.

As an entrepreneur or business leader, you may naturally consider it your job to look after the emotional well-being of those who work with you. You’re right, you should do this some of the time. But constantly taking care of others’ emotions, to the point where you’re exhausted, is bad for both you and your company.

FEATURED VIDEO

An Inc.com Featured Presentation

Sauer-Zavala offers a few examples of what she means by emotional labor. These include “being the default planner in your household, workplace, or social group,” and “taking on the role of therapist friend (even when you don’t have the energy for it).” If you frequently feel fatigued, too much emotional labor could be why. Good news: You can do something about it.

1. Notice your own emotional labor.

For too many of us, performing emotional labor is so much of a habit that we’re barely aware of it. We may not stop to consider our own energy level before, say, comforting someone through yet another crisis. “Are you the one always checking in on friends but never getting checked on?” Sauer-Zavala writes. “Awareness is the first step.” 2. Create emotional labor boundaries.

“Start honoring your own limits,” Sauer-Zavala advises. That might mean using the phrase, “I can’t take this on right now,” when someone needs you to hold their hand through an emotional upheaval.

It could also mean setting some emotional office hours. If a work-related problem arises at 8 pm, and it isn’t an emergency, you likely would have the good sense to leave that task until the following morning. Consider using the same approach if a non-emergency emotional task arises in the evening, such as the need to plan a party or a conflict between employees. You’ll get the emotional rest you need, you’ll be fresher and better able to find solutions in the morning. 3. Do things that emotionally feed you.

These include practices like journaling and meditation, both of which have proven mental health benefits. Sauer-Zavala calls them “deep rest activities.” You can also receive an emotional recharge from spending time in nature, or talking with a friend or family member who “gets” you and is completely supportive. Making time for activities like these is as important as making time for proper sleep and exercise. Consider them part of your routine for staying healthy.

Plus, one more thing. It may sound contradictory but it’s important: Make sure to give yourself some unstructured time when you don’t have anywhere to be or anything to accomplish. “If every free moment is filled with obligations, errands, or mindless scrolling, your brain never gets a break,” Sauer-Zavala writes. Even staring out a window has emotional health benefits. Make sure you have the time and space to just let your mind wander, or to nap, or do nothing at all. You’ll be much more rested, and better able to tackle those important emotional tasks.

i hate to add to the posts of mentally unwell users venting their thoughts and detailing their experiences, but i have nowhere else to turn and nobody in my life to talk in depth with. therapists are impossible to secure and the last one told me i’d benefit from an existential specialist but there isn’t one anywhere near me.

every day i wake up i wish i hadn’t. passive suicidal ideation is at an all-time high for me it seems, but i’ve used that phrasing before and they can’t all be the ultimate. however, it feels that strong to me. it’s a powerfully soul crushing sensation. i don’t want to be alive anymore. i want to die. i simply can’t cause it myself, unfortunately.

the things others often say to suicidal people don’t feel significant or relevant enough to keep me here. “think of your loved ones,” “think of the pain you’ll cause,” “think of those who will miss you,” “think of your pets,” etc. well.. i’ll be dead. what the fuck do i care? they’ll all die eventually too and leave someone sad who loved them. death is inescapable and unavoidable and is always devastating to someone. asking me to live in misery because it’ll be too hard to mourn my loss sounds like a lot of not-my-problem.

i hope i get hit by a car every time i walk or drive on the road. sometimes i imagine myself swerving into a wall or crashing into a concrete barrier. occasionally, i’ll complete the fantasy with a swift jerk to the stirring wheel almost like a practice session.

i want this to be over. i would’ve never chosen life if the choice was offered and i’m in a 13 year long relationship with a guy i refer to as my other half. i wouldn’t be anything without him and i’d still choose to remain non-living in the void.

i don’t know what the purpose of this post is. it’s not like i’ve said what makes me depressed. honestly, it feels too personal to discuss and there’s no solution, so.. why bother.

anyway, if you’re feeling similarly you aren’t alone and i’m sorry you’re struggling.

It's been two months since I posted here about what I'm going through because of Gaza. Not much changed there, actually, it's worse.

In these two months, I was contacted by 5 more people and from initial 2 families, I got up to 12 of them. I am broke, but I don't regret one cent I gave them. I just regret the money that pesky merchants took from my friends for a commission. 30 fucking percent.

3 of those people HAVE NO ONE BUT ME to help them. I don't have social networks, I post here and I try to spam YouTube with their campaign links, but they're deleted.

I follow their financial status regularly and NO ONE DONATES to them.

Honestly, what the fuck?

I know that the situation for many of us is difficult. I know that people who don't have donate more than those who do have. But come on!!! No one is fucking helping those people!!

Oh, and did you know that Instagram influencers would collect money for Gazans and then ghost them? Stole their money and ghosted them??? WTF???

I'm so angry. All of them told me "the whole world is celebrating, we are left to die". I refused to celebrate fucking nye and I was next to my phone all night in case anyone has some phone battery left and needs to talk. That night was a night after 3 days of floods, people died of hypothermia, no one slept, no one could sit, they were standing in the fucking torrents of water and couldn't do anything but cry. In the morning, my friend H. told me he wants to die and that he's thinking about the suicide. Now, if you don't know, in Islam it's forbidden to even think about that. Palestinians are very, very religious, possibly the only honest Muslims in this stupid world. Now, if a Muslim thinks about the suicide, then you know what time it is. It's devastation of the spirit.

And about Muslims from Muslim countries, since I've learned a lot about them through Palestinians. Fuck you. Honestly, fuck you. It's your obligation to help the poor and in need and all you do is say "may Allah protect you". You don't even see Palestinians as people. They're martyrs to you. "Allah is with them". Yeah, but they're still starving on the cold under the heavy bombings. So fuck you, hypocrites, I hope your fucking Ummah will fall apart.

Goddamnit. If any Palestinian is reading this, I'm sorry I am cursing Muslims, but fuck them, they are not your friends.

Fuck everyone. Everyone is trading Palestinian blood. No one cares about them. Axis of the resistance? Fuck you with the resistance. Fuck the West, fuck Ummah, fuck everything!!!

Oh.

One more thing. The Middle East is the cradle of civilization. You removed will never ever see those places again because IOF, USA and islamic radical terrorists destroyed so many historical locations. FUCK YOU ALL!!!

I will never forgive this to anyone. Never.

In the end. I was diagnosed with serious health issues like eating disorder and muscle atrophy. No wonder, I barely manage to breath how much time I'm spending on the phone talking to my friends and going through everything with them. I'll have to buy some fucking food substitute that costs like hell. I told this to my Gazans, that I won't be able to donate as often as I did until now. You wanna know what they told me? Bear in mind, they don't have ANYTHING or ANYONE and they're living on the ground, in tents made of rags, if they ate that day, it's a fucking lottery. Bear in mind few of them are mothers of starved children.

I'm going to cry again.

They told me they love me and that I should take care of myself and that god will help them. "Sister, no one showed feeling for us like you did."

I swear to god, I could kill someone because of this genocide. Who are you killing? Who are you dehumanizing? The most noble and kind people I ever met in my life. Goddamn, fuck you all...

As of now, I just got kicked out of another Discord community just because I was "Too Depressing" for them. Namely, that I often questioned how to make friends, and how to tell when someone is being nice to me, and casually expressed that, I had bad times identifying social cues due to a combination of Autism and a mother that failed to teach me social skills growing up.

I knew, well, people that were mostly acquaintances looking back, for about 2 years. I was barely close to them at all, since even though they were all neurodivergent, that was the only thing I had in common with them.

Unlike them, I wasn't a fan of Genshin Impact (In fact I HATED the game, especially since it was the cause of another online friend abandoning me in the beginning of this year), I wasn't a loud person, I wasn't extroverted. In fact, looking back, it felt more like I was tolerated by them rather than warmly embraced by them. And also, they weren't exactly respecting of my Asexual orientation, the way that, they disregarded how uncomfortable I got whenever they liked to gush over characters and people they really liked and wanted to kiss. They always talked over me.

In fact, I never actually felt like I ever bonded with them, only tolerated them in turn, even after they would always talk over me whenever I wanted to talk in Voice Chat. In the past, they were seemingly okay with me expressing that I had problems with understanding what activities were like, such as the dating scene. But it seemed as though, my last straw for them, was asking why they want to kiss their friends on the lips, and me expressing that I couldn't accept affection easily, due to my parents ruining affection for me. Apparently, I can never tell when what I say affects people, due to my Autism. They apparently expected me to easily shut up and not let what goes in my head bother people.

Apparently, that was the last straw for them, so about 30 minutes ago, I got banned from that Discord Channel. So it seems that, to update my list, I must hide the following parts of myself: My Depression, my lack of common interests with anyone, my lack of art talent, my quietness and shyness and my Asexuality.

I am close to giving up on finding friends, and accepting my likely feeling fate of living a lonely adult life without any friends or without anyone to talk to. I can't find a single person that shares a love of Fairytales, 7 Days To Die and The Fallout Series, and who won't kick me out of their life just because I suffer from Clinical Depression, and I am unable to come up with Extrovert level Small talk.

I know that everyone who follows this carnage in Gaza and wider is fucked up. I see it. So if you want to comfort me by saying I'm not alone, it won't work.

I can't take it anymore. I'm avoiding my shrink because she will gaslight me that I am doing this to myself alone. She'll tell me not to follow the news, not to interact with people online about this and such stuff. I never found the words to defend my support to Gaza to her. I won't stop watching. It's the least I can do. I don't want to turn my head and continue with my life. I don't understand how doesn't she get that. And I don't understand how people can not think about what's happening in Gaza.

Yeah, genocide is making me devastated and depressed and the only way I can feel better is if someone could end this carnage in the Middle East. But even after that, it's impossible to just forget and be happy like nothing happened. I will always carry this scar, I feel.

I also feel selfish for writing this. Because Gazans are the ones who suffer, I'm just depressed from what's happening to them, what are scum doing to them. I feel guilt for eating, for taking a cab to work, for buying skincare... I'm spending so much money on donations and even the fact I'm doing something to those people doesn't comfort me.

I'm trying to avoid the news. I just follow Gaza Now and watching what is fucking Pissrael doing to Gaza and wider. I can watch disfigured kids, but I can't read news, even from leftist outlets because I am sick and tired of talking and this is not ending. Just talk talk talk.

First thing I do when I wake up is checking if my friends from Gaza were online. That's indication if they're still alive. If they weren't online, my heart will sink until someone from them sends me a message and while I'm waiting, I'm trying to find out what happened.

I can't take it anymore. I'm constantly thinking about them and how the hell are they surviving this. My heart literally bleeds together with theirs. I want this to fucking end and I want my friends to live. I want their sufferings to finally end.

I hate everyone, I'm scared what's waiting for us and I can't believe that we're witnessing this.

I'm on 20mg of lexapro and it helps. But I am nevertheless so fucking depressed. Where's this planet going? Why did it have to be this way?

I'll die. I will literally die from sadnesses and hopelessness.

USA and Israel and all of your fucking allies, FUCK YOU. I hope something really bad will happen to you. You've destroyed all of our lives, but above everything, you genocide people in front of our eyes. Fuck you to hell, fucking monsters.

To start, I am not suicidal or having thoughts of suicide, more having constant thoughts of "I hate it here! What is there to be happy about?".

I noticed, ever since I was around 8, I always had this sense of.. sadness within me. Despite what my parents thought, I always felt sad on the inside, and I can never remember a single time when I felt legitimately happy, rather than being forced by my parents and two brothers to act happy just to fit in with social cues.

Again, ever since I was 8, up to today, at 24, I still don't know what it feels like to be happy. And any of the supposed positives in life are completely invisible to me, and any of the negatives are as visible as a bright light at night. I also often felt more "numb" on the inside than sad, although the former isn't a huge improvement.

Most days, I struggle to get out of bed and wake up on time, and fall asleep on time.

I could never relate to any of my peers, who seemed to be able to express happiness that I always felt incapable of feeling. I also always had a sense of "Why are they happy?". Thus, I grew up with no friends, and never had friends until last year. Even then, they are online friends, and are often too busy to talk.

As a final clue, I have always had seasonal depression.... On all 4 seasons of the year. I told my mom about this last year, over the phone.... And she laughed in my face over the phone, saying that "It was funny I claimed something so ridiculous". Ever since, the main reason I take care of myself at all is out of spite for my mom always doubting the existence of depression.

This post sounded better in my head now it just feels foggy and hard to type but I am giving it a try anyway, I just don't know how to feel anymore I feel alone, sad and I know I am ugly and my transition didnt even do anything. In general whats killing me is I cannot find a decent job, or even any job for that matter, and I just feel like my autism makes it so no one ever get's close to me and everyone secretly wants me gone.

I feel like my transition failed, I have been on HRT for 2 and a half year and only gotten very minor results, yes I have talked to my doctor but they really don't listen and I spent so much money on healthcare. I just look in the mirror and I see someone who is quite ugly and generally considered unattractive by all. My dysphoria is always really high and I very depressed about this.

As you likely know from my previous post I don't really have a great connection with my family, and they cannot support me emotionally once so ever.

I feel workwise I don't think I will ever work anywhere near anything I went to school for and will be resricted to min wage most of my life, I feel like there is not a ton of I can to change this, and nothing I seem to do helps, I am currently 2.5k in debt on credit cards and I highly doubt I will ever be able to pay that back given expenses on min wage.

I am currently living with friend but I know they can't and won't emotionally support me and I know they are the type that cares about me enough to be sad if I commited sucide but not enough to notice any of the red flags or even ask how i am doing when i am really going through it. I feel bad since I know I am a horrible, gross and annoying person. I know the only reason they even hang out with me is they feel bad for me, and realize i am a loser and this is the best I have right now. don't get wrong I still do care about my friends and I feel really bad for saying the things I said in this post but I always feel it's not their fault and they are doing the best they can, they are closer to themselves than me. I feel like if they knew how bad my mental illness was they would slowly but surely drop me due to not being able to emotionally support me, I often feel like I need to present as emotionally perfect publicly cause they don't have the spoons to help someone who is actively suicidal and hates every single element of herself

I have been recently loosing my grip on reality, I often loose myself in really hyper realistic day dreams, I will zone out to the point I question if I am even real, or if my surroundings are even real, I sometimes just give in since I feel like it's a reality that ignores how gross and horrible I am and gives m what I want but don't deserve.

I would commit but I feel like I am too much of a coward to do anything actually deadly. I don't want to be alive but I am scared of what comes after death. I also feel like traumatizing my friends is not fair.

cross-posted from: https://sopuli.xyz/post/15860087

Stephen Fry is invited to Kyiv by First Lady Olena Zelenska to co-host a conference on mental health in time of war. He discusses the war with President Zelensky, and tells him jokes . He meets amputees and the recently bereaved , Azov brigade survivors , and artist Nikita Titov. He experiences an air raid for the first time while a stint at standup makes him realise just how important humour has become to survive the war.

At the Babyn Yar memorial to the holocaust he considers Ukraine's bloody history.

A very touching look into ukraines problems with mental health during wartime.

I just feel like everything has hit rock bottom and it's my fault. My entire life sucked and I guess I just want to tell someone since I got nothing to loose anymore. My life begins with abuse, my first memory was my dad beating on my mom, soon enough my next memory was my mom moving out, I don't remember much between that but I never could of guessed he would end up winning custody, I spent the next 12 year of my life being yelled and screamed at, and hit me. I knew he loved me in some way and still does help me out but he abused me. Growing up, I never had many friends I was always treated as the weird kid and my socialization skills would suffer as I had no real sense of boundaries. When I was 14 I found out I was transgender and sudeenly for the first time in my life somethings about why I hated my body made sense, but unfortunately I would go onto the suffer many more years due to being unable to start hrt without my dads involvement. When I turned 18 I moved in with my mom, this was at first a pretty decent arrangement, I was even able to start hrt at 20, however I realized how hard it was to make friends in my home town, and my moms anxiety about driving made it hard for me to learn how to drive and than she fed into my beginners driving anxiety. it sucked but I still love her and don't feel like it was her fault. I moved out at 22 and while I was not financially equipped I thought it was the best option at the time, I made friends all steeming from a childhood friend I had at one point. It seemed perfect and I was happy, but the truth would soon rear that I annoying everyone, people speak to me with annoyance in their voice I know people only keep me around since they don't think I have an ideal place to go. Now I am in a house, I wish I could of held onto this, but I blew it, I can tell people are just my friend cause they don't think I have anywhere else to go. No one has officially told me they are not my friend but there is a certain coldness. i am really concerned eventually the long convo explaining how they feel will happen. at this moment I am thinking heavy about the end. On top of all of that I still look like a man I feel like, most trans women do like not look like men and they are some the prettiest girls i know, but I do look horrible, I am genetically cursed my facial bone structure is totally awful and I won't even feel right no matter what I do. I have been on HRT for two years and still feel this way.