37 years young. Tomorrow, I'm finally asking my home physician to send me to a gender identity clinic to assess whether I have dysphoria according to my country's standards and policies. If my physician does send me there, then within a few years I might get the much needed diagnosis and then I will finally be eligible for HRT.

MEANWHILE.

I have made a list of things that I can start exploring in order to feel more comfortable with the woman within. Gosh... Please excuse my phrasing. I'm so effing closeted. 😅

• Hair removal - booked!!! Going on the 27th.

• Perfumes - planned!!! Trying some out tomorrow.

• Nails - don't even know where to start. I have NEVER even given these babies a second's thought. 😭

• Wigs - I have no hair. If and when I get diagnosed, the state will provide a certain amount every year to buy wigs and they will refer me to a professional wig maker as part of the treatment for dysphoria.

• Makeup - no idea where to start. Is there ANY other way than watching YouTube tutorials? Although I totally accept that this probably is the most effective way.

• Clothes - am I just supposed to try on everything I find pretty? 😅🩷🩵🤍

So I've started on ~~subconscious~~ subcutaneous estrogen injections and so far so good. I seem to be ok with it mentally. No mood swings so far and I actually have some hope for the future. And I've been thinking more clearly, which is a double edged blade.

I have come to realise that I have no good friends who live locally, and the nearest gender queer friend is a 2 hour flight away and they're non binary (not transfem). I really want to have at least one transfem friend in the town where I live, but I don't. I know there are other trans women here because I see them out and about. But you can't just go up to someone and say "hey I see you're trans! I've just started estrogen! Let's be friends!". There are no LGBTQ+ clubs here and even if there were, I don't have the time or money to go out.

Realistically I don't even have time to maintain friendships, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything going on in my life and just want to speak to someone irl who understands. I'm not really depressed per se, but I also don't want to become depressed because I don't have anyone to talk to about my struggles.

Well thats it shows over its official. Im publicly out at this point. Finally told therapist, dressing girlmode most times leaving the house (even if its stealth girl) and have a gender pathways appt in 1 month from now (which i have confirmed now that ill WALK OUT WITH HRT😍😍😍)

It feels great! But im still scared of the rest of what comes. I wont lie, seeing the hate and outright violence against trans people right now makes me wanna go back into the closet and lock the door forever. But im trying my best to be brave.

But most of the important people to me know now. My daughter is the last one i need to talk with.

My therapists reaction "honestly a lot of stuff youve talked about makes alot more sense now" 😨 like gee thanks? I guess its good you were paying attention this whole time lol.

She also changed my gender in my chart, asked if i wanted my name changed but i told her no im not ready for that yet.

But it went well, and heres hoping the future is bright for all of us ❤️❤️

Im still scared But ill get through this Ill be strong

Hello Brooke, good bye Zakk(🤢🤮)

❤️❤️❤️

i like the 2024 self identity law
and that they immigrant friendly

which region is best?

where to learn german?

i like berlin, such historicaly attractive city but im think since is in east germany is a little bit worse and AfD is popular here, which region you like, german trans ppl?

how easy and fast to continue hrt after entering country? with informed consest not 32542 waitlist for 473473 doctors and psychiatrists(i can get psych diagnosis from russia and hrt blood tests)

is possible to change gender marker in documents before citizenship?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/41570792

Happy 4/20 to everyone from Oregon ❤️

Its been warming up and cooling down and warming up etc i wish the weather would make up its damn mind.

This year oregon had record low snowfall/pack on our mountain, something like 36" for most of the season. Last time that happened in '06 (iirc) we had the WORST summer. Calling it now, were hitting easily 110 this year. Thank everything for rivers 😂

Hows everyones day? Have a good weekend? ❤️❤️

This is my 2 year HRT progression and I wanted to share it because my anniversary was on April 10th 2026 which was just last week on Friday. It's incredible, I noticed how much happier I look while putting this together.

I'm 33 years old now, started HRT when I was 31 years old and I came out 6 months before starting HRT. I'm on the waitlist for my SRS which will probably due next year in August going by the current wait time.

I can't recommend enough to take pictures regularly to see your own progress because it's very difficult to see the changes in the mirror when you see yourself in there every day.

The dress in the second to last picture is my first dress and I'm so excited to wear it to the first wedding I've been invited to since coming out.

circa half a day ago indigo made a post about their own voice, and that prompted us to open the voice analysis software and see what ours is like. so we just recorded a brief little sample and the pitch analysis showed 223 hz. we then went "huh, that seems a little more than we'd expect" and... turns out it was right.

so we tried talking while trying to put in as little effort as possible. and wouldn't you know it, it did not change at all, in fact it went up to 231 hz.

so we tried to make our voice lower. not really going for a masc voice but only lower, just because we were curious. and uh 182 hz, and still sounding so much like a girl!

so we tried to go for the most masc voice we could, like an announcer at a nascar race. and... 143 hz and still sounding androgynous.

our point is that like we can barely do a masculine voice and even then can hardly sustain it.

don't be mistaken, we really love being able to just sound like a girl! but the loss of that ability has felt a little... frightening? not sure of the best way to put it. maybe its the realization that we are going to have to fully commit to female presenting, no matter what happens?

hope that regardless of what does happen we'll manage to find some way through it.

take care <3

https://voca.ro/13HUEMmcFiOu (never voice trained properly before :p)

Ugh I hate voice training so much but after yesterday's breakdown while trying and getting two "voice analysis" results showing "0% female, 92% male" I decided to watch some videos I've seen recommended, and honestly YuukoEX was the one that helped me the most because I feel like I can try to emulate her voice better than others I've heard.

After spending yesterday on exercises and trying to figure out various muscles around my throat, I managed this:

It's not much, but it's an improvement!

Also, I'm trying eye liner today! It's a little smudged in one or two spots, but it makes a HUGE difference in my own perception! I even took a face selfie! On purpose!! (for myself I am not nearly confident enough to post lol)

So if you need the reminder, I guess here it is!

Went out to thrift shops to look for more tops and jeans, and found a pair of stretchy jeans that fit me nicely, as well as some pink sport shorts I can wear around the house.

The leaf leggings are my spouse's, shes a bit of a pothead when it comes to clothes lol

I don't have a mirror at home to get a full view of myself, so this is the first time I'm seeing the full view all at once of myself in full girlmode. My mirrors at home are all too small or fixed to walls lmao

The jeans:

I've tried on all the clothes from the thrift stores and they almost all fit, now once they get washed I'll have more things to wear! I'm still on the lookout for a bra my size (I'm not shopping at big box stores where possible, and I don't get thrift store undergarments) holy shit I knew it was bad for cis women who are well-endowed, but just finding my band size WITHOUT the F cups is proving quite difficult... I may have to order online. I should have bought from leolines but they're so expensive and I already spent over $50 on them this month...

Someone was trying to get past me while I was browsing and said "excuse me ma'am" and I have never wanted to cry more in my whole life. I didn't say anything since I'm very very early in voice training, just tried to do a high-pitched "mhmm" and stepped aside. I had to sit in the fitting room for a few minutes to collect myself.

I had to change into sweats and a t-shirt to get back into the house, but I'm still riding my high from earlier!

Next time I go out I think I want to wear a skirt but the tights I bought to cover my legs got a rip in them thanks to a park bench I sat on last week :(

I'm too self conscious to not wear something covering my legs though, especially since I'm still trying to figure out consistent hair control. I'd like to try waxing but since I want to do a FULL waxing, I need a Trans-friendly place to do it, or someone who knows what theyre doing at home.

Maybe soon I'll get brave enough to wear a sundress!

Egg cracked towards the end of last year. At the time I thought "hey I've lived my whole life like this, if I need to boymode for some reason it'll be fine right?"

I'm still pre hrt and have a buzz cut so it's not like I'm super fem right now, but more and more I've been wearing what I want to wear: skirts or cute women's trousers, jewellery, makeup etc. At the very least I'm not going to be mistaken for a cis boy when I leave the house like this.

The feeling of dressing the way I want had been so freeing, the feeling of being seen, especially by queer folks, as something other than a cis man, and the chance to catch sight of myself in a reflection and like what I see. All of that has changed something in me.

Now when I dress in my old clothes in spaces where I feel like I can't be myself, it makes me want to scream, it's unbearable. I can't even imagine being the person that looked like this every day. It's so strange that so much can change just by changing your perception of yourself.

The positive side is that 3 months ago, my biggest fear in the world was that I was somehow faking, not really trans, and that all the joy I felt was some mistake or something. That "imposter syndrome" would sneak in if I accidentally went a few hours without feeling dysphoric, and my brain would go "see look, you're cis silly".

It's getting pretty hard to maintain that delusion when dressing like a man makes me want to puke. So, even though this seems like a sad post, I'm actually happy. I know who I am. I just need to finish coming out professionally and with older family so I don't have to pretend to be a man any more.

Really wanted to just get that feeling out of my head. Thanks dear ones.

I've been wearing cuffs for a while, but I finally got around to piercings this afternoon. Got both lobes and the conch on one side done so far. Have to wait for the conch to heal before getting the other side done, so I don't sleep on it and mess up the angle before it heals. The pain was minimal, even less than I expected, since it was a pro that did it, and the soreness so far is much less than the soreness after wearing cuffs for a few hours, so I'm super excited for it all to heal so I can wear more interesting earnings.

well i know, that's a weird flex. honestly i wanted to post something that is not related to the desastrous family visit over easter. i wrote pages about what i learned there and what i feel, but nothing that is close to be ready for sharing. on the other hand, i need to yap these memories away. heeeere we go! :3

what i like

my trainer. he. is. the. cutest. guy. on. this. planet. i feel super safe with him i am even comfortable to explore dysphoricly deep voices with him. he is very warm and caring. that helps a lot. i started in the third session already to talk to him about the situations, i tend to fall into male patterns, and how that stems from my anxieties. since he is gay, we can discuss such internslised misogyny/homophobia very deeply i feel.

also i like that there is a place in which i can try out voices, modulations and stuff, with someone who gives great advice on that. i finally get challenged to try out these new characters. i wouldn't have had the audacity otherwise.

i even like the daily practice, though it's awkward and even a bit embarassing. i don't have the power to practise every day extensively, but i try to do at least a little, even on busy days.

what i don't like

i am still super bad at carrying this in my everyday life. with my friends i am comfy enough to not care abt my voice. (it even felt weird, when they started to use my chosen name, bc it felt like they were now putting in effort for a foemality, while i felt seen by them at every point in the last years.) so i don't care abour voice around my friends. at work i am still boymoding (rediculously bad), so i don't do new voices. when outside i often have to be louder, so i use the louder voice i know. when around men, i still have the (ridiculously wrong) urge to not stand out, and so i often speak with a lower voice, while wearing a skirt. when i feel unsafe, i do not speak at all.

only sometimes i surprise myself suddenly speaking to the cashier in this softer tone. just a "thank you" or so. but it happens.

a big problem is that with what i can do today, i sound like a dreamy/high mess when i talk for longer. i already told my trainer, we will look at that in the next sessions.

some advice?

i am quite new to this. have you had similar expiriences? how did you start to actually use your new voice?

eg go to university in Vienna(or smaller city's such as Graz), austria is not bad, i have relatives in austria(which doesnt care about me, so not), have isnt expensive programs as im know ........ and its possible on english

maybe somewhere other place, are you know where to get into university and it isnt expensive?

how easy to continue hrt in austria through their healthcare? if not, DIYing injections is still possible

i hate my fucking awful govrenment, im scared ..... what next?

The room? Cleaned

The mirror? Shiny

The vibes? Immaculate

The song? 'Forgotten voyage' lindsey stirling

Just happy this weeks better than the last. How about everyone else?

A comfy fit for working on my master’s thesis and figuring out why my numerical models won’t converge.

So I found a really cute sundress I would like to buy, but I would like to increase my bust size a little to fill it out. I found some silicone bra inserts on amazon, both individual and ones that are connected in the Middle. Do any of you have any experience in this department?

Any advice or experiences even tangentially related would be appreciated!

Thanks

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

I’ve been on HRT for about 6 weeks now and I’m pretty sure I’m at female levels. Got a late start at 29 and I still strongly doubt that I’m even trans and should be doing this (seriously, my story is a weird one I think). I would quite welcome being cis because that would mean I don’t have to upend my life and essentially start over under 10x more difficult conditions. I considered myself agender for a long time and maybe I am.

Before HRT I considered myself very much vers. I do understand that severe bottom dysphoria is not needed to be trans, and I intended to do maintenance to retain my ability to top. Now that I’m actually into it, my feelings have changed.

I’ve read that a full erection once a day is needed to reliably retain full function, but that sounds quite unpleasant to me now? I just don’t want to do it, and I don’t really care if I never use my genitals to top again. I’m also finding myself more welcoming to the idea of SRS.

• Is it due to the nature of HRT and changing sex drive? I mean, duh, estrogen
• Is it due to repression breaking? Was I masking dysphoria before?
• Is it because I have read and internalized that this is how I should feel, in some people’s opinion, and I am conforming to that?

I don’t think it’s really the last one - I also understand I have more sexual/dating prospects if I’m vers, and I think I kinda care about that more than some fringe viewpoints about validity

I’ve heard a lot that I should be more concerned about my skin care; specifically that I should be moisturizing and applying sunscreen regularly. What brands/suppliers should I be looking at especially for someone on a bit of a budget?

I use CeraVe for my face every day, but I think it would be pretty expensive to use full body. I’ve similarly heard a lot of good things about cocoa butter and korean sunscreen but trying to research things is hard with ai ruining the internet.

yay!!! the doctor at PP walked me through the steps and it was way easier than I expected!!

she also gave me some syringes, needles, wipes and stuff because my pharmacy is being an ass and not stocking them... but I have my meds so I can do it for the next couple of weeks!!

I'll see how I feel the next couple of days and keep up on my spiro... I can't believe this is all happening so fast :3

I'm trying to feel more feminine this week so I got one of those electric body shavers meant for sensitive areas. I did my bikini zone and I'm absolutely loving it! It's sooo so nice to feel smooth down there. I didn't do the best job as I still need to learn how to use it better.

I want to do my legs and chest too, but I think I'll wait for this weekend. I know i could get a closer, smoother shave with a razor but last time I did it burned all over for days. Obviously I did it wrong. Still scares me though.

Just felt like sharing

Have a wonderful day!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

mfmmmmmffffhh

smoottg h skin

no more bumps

HOW DOES THIS WORK SO WELL AND WHERE HAHVE YOU BEE N AL L MY LFIE

if eel like I'm on drugsss

hehehhehahh-HHahaHAHAHAH ❤️

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/41247571

Booooooo mondays, but did catch a tiny little bit of sun today! Now you can read my bracelets lol

I heard that my friend got herself arrested by I.C.E!! Weve protested the facility together before, but she went there by herself and threw dildos at the building. Not that i dont approve but girl leave before you get arrested maybe?! So now to start my week i get to help her find a lawyer and prepare for court lol

How your week starting for you?

Also, F ICE, all day evry day

Feeling really good about my progress so far! It's amazing how only a few changes made me feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. I've got a long way to go, but I'm excited to continue this journey 🩷

not because trans, im waiting my mom in shopping mall, and strange men come to me

and he says "котик ты продаешь?", "котик" is to mask word "наркотик" so he said "are you sell drug?" so he trying to find him drug dealer......

IM LITERALLY WAS FUCKED im said insult word "ты долбаеб?" and then go far from him and then he "what you did say?!?!!" then signaling my mom and he go away

its really can be anything because drug user finding dose on dose of shit messed up in bathtub

i rly should be call police for him, but its a get more attention

..... i think ppl in brussels experience it every day

hopefully everything is ok