this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023
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me_irl
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What kind of depression is it if you don't think anyone hates you, you just feel like you don't matter enough to anyone for them to bother hating you? The feeling like there is no difference between you being here or not because nobody will ever notice if you stopped interacting with them.
Asking for a friend
2meirl4meirl (are we still doing this here)
Internalizing those thoughts on yourself I'd say apathy and avolition. If you're actively worried about people not caring about you, its more loneliness and self shame mixed with general anxiety.
This isn't necessarily what one ought to tell a depressed person, but I believe to some degree it's actually kinda true. Like, people act like they care but very few people genuinely want to help others through their depression. It's rough. The isolation is self perpetuating. But who can blame other people, they have their own issues to deal with, they don't need to handle your burdens on top of that.
That said, some people do actually genuinely care and it might be hard to tell at first. But, as cliche as it is, you've gotta care about yourself first. Which is also hard because there is that voice in your head telling you that you suck and nobody will ever love you. Or that you'd be better off if you swerve into that oncoming truck. When you wake up, when you're trying to fall asleep. When you make a mistake. When you do something well but you can't even accept that win because reasons. That voice is there.
Figuring out how to block that voice, or overcome it long enough that you can enjoy little things is a first step. It doesn't get easy, but it will get easier.