this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2024
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Due to my "privacy consciousness" (yes, you could call it digital paranoia, but that sounds as if i were ill and not just conscious about how data trade works in the age of total surveillance) dating apps are no options - the compromise i'm living with is owning, using and carrying a phine with me but without any non-free or known malicious (tracking, data-mining, spying, etc) software.

Any advice on how to get to know interesting people? How did you get to know your partners or acquantances? Did you just give in and opt for one or another dating platform?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Odds are pretty good that, without some kind of online social media presences that isn't anonymous, you're going to be viewed with suspicion. By which I mean, people may be more like to believe that you're actively hiding (an) existing relationship(s), or significant skeletons in your closet (such as, for instance, being a Trump supporter). The odds that this will be the assumption will be vastly increased if you're male.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

I would suggest creating a very modest social media presence that you can connect to people you know IRL and family. Especially family. See if there's a way to run all of that sandboxed though, through a VPN, to minimize privacy leaks. I have a very limited Facebook page, and I have containers set up in Firefox so taht--in theory--Facebook can't access anything else that I'm doing in my browser. Having a desktop browser that you only use for Facebook, et al. might work. (You probably want to be sure that any photos you post are stripped of exif data, and don't have visible landmarks in them; makes geolocation more difficult.) Yes, you probably need to at least create the appearance of a life on Facebook and/or Twitter.

If you are male, you're going to need to make sure that your social media presence contains information that is likely to make potential partners feel safe. I'm going to leave that up to you to decide what that means, but I know what my red flags would be.

Aside from that - for men, my go-to is suggesting that they cultivate a sincere interest in dance, and take modern, jazz, and ballet classes. (Also: get in shape!) My major in college was one that is traditionally dominated by women and gay men; had I been single at the time (and TBH that marriage was a mistake from the beginning), it would have been very, very easy to date, since 90% of the people I was around and working very closely with were women. That said, don't do X, Y, or Z just to meet women, which seems like it's an oxymoron; you need to actually be interested in the thing.