this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2024
351 points (88.4% liked)
Facepalm
2691 readers
242 users here now
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
My mother was a sexual assault response coordinator (SARC) for the military in the early aughts. This led to some really weird situations for us as a family, like having to pretend we didn't know why this strange woman who wasn't here when we went to bed last night is now having breakfast with us. The worst one was probably when it was a friend of mine having breakfast with us. Anyway, my mother really impressed on me that it did not matter if the woman initiated, if I was drunk as well, that I should not, under any circumstances, engage in drunken hookups. I disagree that when two drunk (hetero) people have sex, the man is automatically a rapist. But at the end of the day, my opinion doesn't matter. The law does. Keep this in mind, fellas, get her number instead. The risk ain't worth it.
This is the best advice in this whole thread:
Like the debate about consent while intoxicated is a complex one, but none of it really matters because drunken hookups are a huge risk regardless. Even if there's no "rape" there's an enormous potential for regret.
At risk of sounding stereotypically queer, the whole gender norms and roles thing between straight people just sounds so insanely outdated each year that passes. Yes, 1 in 4 women are SA at the college I attended. But there was also the statistic that 1 in 10 men are also SA. That's a hell of a lot of people in a class of 30, for both statistics. And that was info distributed in 2023.
I've heard of friends of friends (men) getting held down and raped by other people in a hotel hallway and being too afraid to get tested, call the police, or even come forward because they are so fearful of being accused of being gay and then being ostracized by society. Being victims of SA is an equal opportunity event. It feels so odd that in the straight world, things still seem so...one dimensional. It can (and does) happen to anyone. It feels like everyone is just holding their breath while crazy, horrible stuff happens.
I'm largely straight (hetero flexible tends to be what I'd say if you asked) and I agree that the straights are not ok 😂
Perception is reality
What does that mean in this context?
Any consequences are going to be mostly based upon how the situation appears. If the facts tell a different story, it will be an uphill battle to change the perception.