The first time in my near-six year spell as a parent I finally had the fabled 'supermarket meltdown'.
Not for transparency sake I'll admit, the meltdown began the Moment we left the house and I had the nerve, the gaul to...hold my two year olds hand whilst walking to the shops.
30 minutes later and, well we get to the shops. I've been kicked, hit and screamed at for the entire walk because my unruly toddler didn't want to hold my hand...but also didn't want to be carried.
And then it happened. Lemons. We didn't need lemons. He didn't truly even want them. But alas, he decided this was his hill to die on, and oh boy.
Told him no. Offered him my hand. Nothing. He wouldn't budge from the lemons. My eldest is off doing her own thing with grandad, but even they heard what was to come: the scream. So much screaming.
I scooped him up whilst trying to hold a jar of Bolagnese sauce and a packet of Garlic and Herb New Potatoes and quickly made my way to the middle of the store. As my toddler screams with the intensity of a thousand angry sun-gods I hand him the goods and make my way outside, away from judging eyes. My son then proceeds to scream for a further five minutes before ultimately, giving in and accepting defeat.
So yeah. That was my Sunday afternoon. I handled it fine but bloody hell it took the shine of what should have been a nice little walk.
How have your kids pissed you off recently??
Ah, the supermarket meltdown. I've had a few of those in 4 years of dadding! My lad enjoys the "lie down like a soggy plank in the middle of the aisle" tactic, which is good for absolute maximum social embarrassment.
Had a particularly surreal argument yesterday when driving somewhere. "What road are we on?" he asks, and I answer. "No we're not, we're on [a different road]!" Fifteen minutes of increasing angry and tearful refusals to believe which road we were on, much to our parental complete bafflement. You've got to laugh, really.
This probably doesn't work for every kid, but when my niece did this I would reinforce the correct answer once or twice and then when she'd insist I'd go rogue. It always managed to defuse/derail what would otherwise be escalating chaos.
Using your example:
My son would do everything you've said. He'd also make it absolutely impossible to get him into his car seat as he'd arch his back and scream and then climb about inside the car. It once took me 25 minutes to get him in outside the supermarket. He's 6 now and he still kicks up a fuss! Standing near the entrance and refusing to move and eventually crying and running over as I keep moving away. I really don't know what his issue with them is.
His sister who's 18 months now is an absolute dream to take. She never makes a sound, happily sitting in the seat and observing.